For What Its Worth - poems

Nine at Night

4-8-15

I go to bed at nine at night
do my best to turn off the light, and settle into my cozy bed
but then comes the dread
I am this close to falling asleep
but one little thought decided to creep
my mind was vulnerable at rest
and couldn't pass the test
invaded by thoughts once more
like many nights before!
the thoughts turn to anxiety about the next day or coming future and all in between
they have no mean!
the hours tick
and clock clicks
two hours pass and that becomes three and five
I will fall asleep hard and barely wake up alive
its four in the morning when it all fades to black
and I dream of the things I thought of in fact
the alarm beeps at seven
pulls me from my heaven
I rush to dress
and try to clean myself up from my crusty eye mess
I am falling
stalling
I fall asleep on the bathroom floor
for just an hour more!
I wake at ten
suddenly realizing I was missing school again
and it doesn't really matter
because the thoughts have never been badder
and this has happened much before
and I don't really care about my life anymore
barely passing my classes and uncaring teachers
standing in the front of the room like preachers
they don't understand that there's more to life than their classes
and sports practice
I try and I give up
much of my life has me wondering "what?"
If I can't handle my mind
how do you expect me to find
the energy to sleep
and wake at sun's peak?
no one asks me if I'm okay
and I just want to sleep today