starting over

chapter 6

"YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH"
"WASTE OF SPACE"
"DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR AND DIE"
"LONELY BRAT"
"GO ON A DIET"
"UGLY BEAST"
"Plesse stop,it wasn't me"
"YOU LIAR"
"I'm sorry please just leave me alone"
"YOUR GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER"
"I know"
"JUST GIVE UP ALREADY, DO US ALL A FAVOUR"
"I try, I'm trying my hardest"
"ITS NOT FUCKIN GOOD ENOUGH, YOU STEAL AND LIE AND YOU GO PLACES WE DONT EVEN KNOW ABOUT!"
"I'm sorry, I won't do it again"
"STOP LYING, NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU"
"I know"
"WHEN WILL YOU STOP? NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU HERE IVE TRIED BUT YOUR IMPOSSIBLE TO LOVE JANE, YOU HAD ONE JOB AND IF YOU HADVE DONE THAT RIGHT THIS WOULDNT BE HAPPENING!"
"what do you mean?"
"YOU DONT DESERVE TO KNOW"
"I'm sorry"
"STOP FUCKING APOLOGISING, JUST GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOUR TOO DISGUSTING TO LOOK AT!"
"Annie, wake up, please, Annie come on its just a nightmare, wake up, it's ok, it's jude, I'm here"
I wake up finally to see jude staring into my eyes he'd worried and we're both sweating i guess both out of frustration, i immediately rap my arms around him and just sit while he holds me, them fucking pills what the hell did they do? They made the nightmares worse, she didn't even say half of then things, well she said them but not all at once, shit i was getting worse don't worry it could be just me freaking out about the fact that jude knows, shut jude i quickly pull away to realise he's only wearing boxers and I'm only wearing my panties and top which slid up showing half of my stomach.
"are you ok?" I nod even though I feel like hell
"it's ok if your not"
"I'm not" I knew not to trust my voice as it broke at the end of my two word sentence.
"what did you dream about?"I look up into his eyes debating whether to tell him or not, I decide to saying as he already knows my mum was a bitch.
"it was when I was younger, Sally, my mum, accused me of stealing a tener from her purse when i told her I didn't she started screaming shit at me"
"is that what all your dreams are like?"
"no, there not normal it's like the emotions and things shes saying deform into these weird things that start to come after me and I keep crawling but moving back and they sort of engulf me and I'm drowning in them and then there's this really thin wire and i follow it out and i see a pale woman with.long blonde hair wearing a white dress but she's missing her face and i get engulfed again and Im drowning and i can only hear her screaming at me"fuck my dreams make no sense, what the hell was wrong with me? maybe I did need some proper help.
"I think I get it"
"what?"
"I get what it means was sally overprotective of you aswell?"
"yeah"
"okay well I'm not sure but I think that maybe her words and your emotions deform because you always felt them nagging at you a bit like they were chasing you and you were drowning in them because you were overwhelmed and the thin wire was your small chance out and you see a beautiful woman that seems perfect but has no emotion so she can't love you and when you realise your only chance has failed you start drowning again and because of the thing with the wire you feel like you'll never escape so it's easier to drown"
"fuck, how did you do that?"
"my dad was a psychologist"
"oh"
"Did your dad ever do anything?"
"well, kinda i think he cared abit more though, he would see what was happening her bullying me but was too acres to stop her and then over time he eventually joined in abit but not nearly as much as her"
"I really am so sorry you had to go through all that but the worst part is it still haunts you now, tomorrow we can go back to the pharmacy to get you new pills ok?"
"yeah, thanks..."
"what?"
"will you stay with me?"
"yeah"
With that he climbs into the bed beside me and wraps his strong arms around my small body, i dont feel vulnerable anymore i feel stronger knowing he won't leave me, I really am starting to like him and if he is right about my dream then maybe he can help them stop altogether.
"night jude. Thanks for everything"
"no problem, ans"
I smile to myself, I liked that nickname even though I didn't need one because mine was short enough i still liked it.

When i finally wake up I realise jude isn't in the bed anymore he must have left when i fell asleep, suddenly I hear jude cursing and... Sizzling?

"jude, what are you doing?" I ask carefully.
"sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, I was trying to make pancakes" he explains, slightly frustrated.
"have you ever made them before?" I ask even though I'm pretty sure he can just about make toast.
"erm, no"
"here, let me help, get the butter"
"butter?"
"for the pan so it doesn't stick"
"ohhhh, ok"
I put a little bit of butter in the pan and move it around until it's melted, then I add the batter and move the pan until it makes a circle.
"now we wait"
"how long, I'm starving"
"until it starts to kinda bubble around the edges"
"so, now?"
"oh, yeah"
I use the fish slice to unstuck the pancake and then flip it.
"now we wait again and then it's done"
"ok"
"how did you not know how to make pancakes? Didn't you learn in school or something?"
"my mum tried to teach me but i didnt want to learn, i thought it was too easy"
"and what do you think now?"
"ok, maybe it's a little hard"
"a little?"
"okay alot, anyway where did you learn?"
"I learnt in school, but i sort of already knew how to cook other things from TV and stuff"
I take the pancake off the pan and put it on a plate for jude before handing him the batter and moving away from the pan.
"now you make mine" I say with a smirk.
"what? You think I cant learn how to do it from one demonstration?"
"I want to find out"
"fine sit back and watch, and put some Nutella on my pancake" I roll my eyes but put a layer Nutella over his pancake while watching put in double the amount of butter i put in to melt it.
He then adds the batter to the pool of melted butter but the butter mixes with edges and it gets really greasy.
"fuck" I hear him say under his breath.
"I think maybe you should clean the pan and not put in so much butter this time?"
He looks at me with a raised eyebrow and i laugh.
"I was just about to do that"
"thats what they all say"
He cleans the pan and starts again and the finished pancake turns out pretty well, we eat them and mine is really nice he finishes just before me and turns his back to me while clearing the dishes, he then turns back around and gets down face to face with me and says.
"our deal was that if you got drunk, which you did, you clean the apartment for the week without my help" he says with a smug smirk before adding,
"especially that bit of batter on your nose"
He says before swiping his finger across the tip of my nose leaving a lump of batter,i laugh in his face and immediately run for the bowl and put a smear across his cheek, much more than what he did to me.
"karmas a bitch huh?"
"I think your a bigger bitch, even bigger than this smudge" he says before attempting to smear it across my forehead but failing i immediately run to the bathroom and lock the door, I grab an empty perfume bottle and fill it with water before waiting for his footsteps to walk away abit, when they finally do i run out only to be caught by jude and have his two fingers run a smudge down the middle of my face, I scream and immediately start spraying him.
"fuck" he roars while running back behind the biggest sofa he has turned around to use as a shield.
"you can run but you can't hide" I say in a very confident voice.
"he runs for the kitchen and fills an icing tube with the filling and sprays it at me drenching my hair and clothes when he finally runs out i run at him and tackle him to the ground leaving some of the batter behind before taking off the lid and spilling the water all over his hair face and chest, it's at that moment I realise that he is still only wearing boxers and me only wearing a top and panties, i scramble off him and help him up.
"okay ans you won this round, but remember you have to clean this mess" he says motioning to the living room and kitchen, "and our clothes" he reminds me.
"I'm sure I'll be able to make the best of it"
"I suddenly don't trust what your planning"
"what I've planned" I correct him while walking back to my room feeling very happy having won this round.