starting over

chapter 28

I stared at jude in shock, where did he get it? Had he read it? What did he think now? Was he mad? What was he gonna say about it? Would he do something about It? That was literally all my secrets he was holding in his hand i suddenly felt small and powerless he had everything now why was I scared? I know jude wouldn't hurt me, Right? Why was I thinking like this? I'm pushing him away, but why? He's never hurt me he cares about me, doesn't he? I had so many things to say but when i opened my mouth to speak no words came out
"are you going to tell me what this is all about?" he asks staring back at me.
"please jude give me it back"
"do you really feel like this? Like I'll hurt you, like I deserve better? Like I would be better off if you did die?" he asks frustrated.
"jude, i-i don't know what to say" I say honestly, how do you react when the person you love is so mad at you because they now know how you really feel, did I really believe everything in that diary? Ofcourse i did that's why I wrote it, it was the one thing I had to honestly express myself any time, school, work and free time it was always there for me to vent.
"do you really feel like this?" he says softly staring into my eyes.
"y-yeah" I whisper looking down not wanting to see his disappointment.
"why didn't you tell me?" he asks sounding hurt sitting beside me on the floor.
"I couldn't i didnt want to hurt you"
"are you really getting worse?" I look into his eyes that are staring back into mine, could i do this? Be completely honest with him that after all these years after a few things happen with my parents and i feel like this again? Do I feel like that again? It's not as bad but it's still there and I'm scared.
"I think"
"but you have me"
"and my parents"
"we can handle them, well move away or get them transferred back to Ireland, we could if there still putting you in danger"
"it's not that simple"
"them explain it to me"
"I'm scared of how to handle them i dont know how to, imagine living your whole life scared if your parents not even telling them when you were upset and knowing the only way to help was to stand up to them but you were too scared to a tally do it"
"but your not now"
"I honestly don't know"
"how does it feel?"
"it's like always being in pain and no matter what you do the o.ly way to really relieve it is by hurting yourself"
"you said when you thought of me it helped"
"it did but it's not the same"
"I love you so much and I will make sure they stay away I'll go visit her tomorrow"
"are you sure?"
"yes" jude promises we spend the rest of the day apart out trying to get my mind off things and him getting his bike checked out were both exhausted so we don't talk much at night but when the morning comes i wish I could have talked to him about visiting her.

Judes POV

I wake early and get ready to go see sally i say bye to Annie and set off when i arrive i am shaking with nerves i need to dot his right.
I walk through the door and she smirks when she sees me.
"hello jude" she says evilly.
"you've gotta stop" I say immediately.
"stop what?" she asks innocently.
"stop messing with jane, she's happy and if you don't stop well leave and make sure your husband ends up in here too" I threaten.
"she's my daughter and i won't stop until I see her for myself"
"too bad you'll be waiting a while then"
"she will come trust me"
"why do you care why can't you just leave her alone!?"
"she deserves pain"
"no she doesn't she deserves happiness and love something she got off of me but she's too scared now to fully accept it because of you and your sick husband"
"she made everything about her, her brother was going through hell and she still said she needed help he was constantly in pain"
"so is she, emotional pain from you"
"it's not the same she started hurting herself for attention"
"fuck off i knew this was a mistake she's happy now and if you don't stop well both leave forever and you'll never see her again"
"fine, i hate her anyway"
"your missing out on an amazing girl"
"I'm sure I am" she says sarcastically.
"you don't deserve to even know her" I say and stand up and leave.
"I wish I didn't know that bitch, she deserves to be dead, she tried so many times I should have let her die!" she shouts from behind me i look back to see two officers.holding her back I'm frozen though, how many times did Annie try to kill herself?
"sir you need to leave" a fat officer interrupts my thoughts and leads me away from the psychotic woman when i get home i am exhausted i go looking for Annie and find her sleeping in bed.
"Annie, wake up" She stuttered and opens her eyes.
"hey, how was it?" she asks sitting up.
"it didnt help, what do you want to do now?"
"I don't know"
"bobs?" I offer.
"yes, let's go" She says shooting up and running into the bathroom to get ready about half an hour later were on the bike on our way to bobs, when we arrive we both order burger and fries with a small coke, no ketchup.
"I haven't been her in too long" Annie says staring out the window.
"views great huh?" I say staring at her beautiful face. Suddenly a car flies through the window and hits our booth we both go flying i hit a wall but im not hurt too bad but when i see her she is lying on the ground unconscious the people in the car have already gone i run to her and pick her up her eyes twitch and someone is on the phone to the ambulance.
"Annie please wake up your gonna be ok it's jude I'm here I'm not gonna leave please don't leave me" I beg i can see she is hurt badly but she's still alive my head is bleeding but it's only a cut her arm is clearly dislocated and i think she broke her fingers and leg her head is split open and her body is already bruised so she probably broke some ribs she is covered in cuts, blood and bruises the ambulance arrives and we speed off to the hospital someone works on her while another cleans my head and stitches it through it all i still hold her hand and talk to her begging her to stay.