starting over

chapter 8

"what i dont get is that he knows his son suffers night terrors, the girl is messed up and the wife will leave him if he has lied to her about moving into a house near a murder but he stays to write a book that she will find out about if it succeeds which will make her leave him and if he fails she will also leave him so why not get the fuck out of the house?"jude asks enjoying the movie and pointing out things he would've done differently.
"because if the book fails they go poor and he can't look after the family at all" I explain he looks down at me in his arms and sticks out his tounge i return the favour and steal some of the popcorn he has stashed on his lap.
"I'll be right back, just going to the bathroom"
'not gonna work' i think when I'm sure he has left i run into my room and on the way grab a knife from the kitchen and some ketchup, i smear the ketchup over my neck and face and drizzle some on the wooden floor before smothering the knife in it and leaving it a bit further away from me i hear him run in and jump onto the couch where he was sitting in a very failed attempt to scare me when he calls out 'ans' i scream a terrified ear piercing scream and collapse to the floor he runs in and sounds panicked, but he runs to my bed and grabs my pillow before smacking me on the face with it.
"nice try, but it's a little coincidental that you get murdered while watching this movie"
"its also a little coincidental that you have to go to the bathroom right before a 'scary' bit in the movie"
"ok, so maybe I could have worked a little harder i mean your looks pretty real too bad i ain't an idiot huh?"
"wouldnt say your not just yet, now come on i wanna see the rest"
"ok, let's go"
We make our way back and he takes his place on the edge of the sofa with his legs on the coffee table and me right beside him with my head on his chest, about half way through what's left of the movie he begins to absentmindedly tuck some loose strands of hair behind my ear at first I find it uncomfortable but soon get used to it and start to feel even more relaxed than earlier, this is exactly what I meant when i said he could have been the one to save me.
"I'm starting to get tired, I'm going to bed"
"ok, do you want me to come with you, because you know the new pills might not work so I'll be there to wake you up?"
"erm, yeah ok thanks" I finally feel safe i know he barely knows me but he cares about me and that's something I've never had before, after i brush my teeth i climb into bed i feel judes arms wrap around me before he asks.
"so do you want to tell me abit more a out your childhood now then?"
"oh, yeah"
"ok so, after putting up with my mum for a few years I started to notice things about my dad he would always notice it but just ignored it bit when I was about eleven he started to join in, you know making me feel like shit, this went on for a while and then my brother got really bad they said he would only have a few days left it was around may and I was completely ignored apart from him i heard him asking for me once and my dad telling him he didn't need me that I was there anyway one night I came into him and just sat there crying while he held me i told him all about how our parents made me feel and he told me it was going to be ok and he would look after me i knew he couldn't but it helped but then my parents got worse and i fell from rock bottom i started to feel depressed and i started acting out aswell, and i... I started,c - cutting"
"you mean like selfharm?" jude asks his voice is full of concern and sadness.
"yeah, here look" I pull my arms out from under the sheets and wipe away a foundation over my wrist that blends tones my scars instantly become noticeable and he stares at them in shock he runs his hand down them making me flinch slightly but i quickly recover i start to regret showing him these no one actually saw them before with my concept and i started to worry.
"you can't tell anyone remember or treat me differently"
"okay, I promise" he barely whispers before pulling me into a hug and kissing my forehead i take my sleeping pills and drift off to sleep.

"DONT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!"
"YOU STUPID BITCH"
"STINKING CUNT"
"FAILURE"
"ATLEAST WE HAVE EMMA!"

"Annie, wake up please"

I'm crawling as fast as I can to escape the pit that I'm drowning in there covering me smothering me and I cant breathe there it is I catch the wire and use it to pull myself out I'm walking for a while in a perfectly white place, there are no walls or floors just white then I see a figure in the distance i start to shout for her to help me i hear a sweet voice telling me she'll help but then she turns and she has no face just scars where her face used to be suddenly I'm being sucked back down into the pit i cant breathe I'm drowning faster and it hurts more there everywhere I'm blind all i can see is the strange shapes and i can only hear the deep demonic voice roaring at me tearing me down.

"Annie! Wake up please"
"jude?!"he immediately pulls me into a hug as i cry into his chest he holds me until I fall asleep and for the first time I fall back to sleep after waking up from a nightmare.