starting over

chapter 10

"just a heads up, jude will probably ask you out tonight for dinner" I told emily, even if she hadn't told me i would have known she had a crush on him, the way she talked about how he barged into the pharmacy right off his bike demanding different sleeping pills for me and then going all sweet once he had calmed down they had actually spent quite alot of quality time together and seemed to be always texting eachother, they just weren't official yet.
"oh my gosh, come on we have to find a new outfit for me"
"please, don't we've already been here for hours and you got about three new outfits, please let's go"
"fine, but your helping me pick out an outfit, do you know where he's taking me just so I know not to over or under dress"
"I think that Italian place down town that you like"
"oh, really how did he know?"
"I told him, to help him out"
"oh, I'm not like stealing the guy you like or anything right?"
"what? No were friends if anything"
"ok"

After two hours of convincing emily with what outfit to wear, how to style her hair and how to do here make up she emerges from the bathroom looking absolutely stunning, her shoulder length blonde hair is curled and her make up looks natural but makes her eyes look giant and her dress, jude will be drooling, it's a midnight blue dress that crosses at the top and folds around her curvy frame, she looks perfect for the restaurant.
"he's ringing"
"answer it, emily"
"hello?"
"oh, hey jude"
"tonight? Yeah that suits me, what time?"
"okay, see you then" with that she hangs up and squeals before jumping up and down and hugging me.
"he's taking me to the Italian place"she squeals defeaning me for a few seconds.
"okay well it's seven now, so I'm going to start heading home, I'll make sure he's.left and don't tell him I told you that I helped him pick the place ok?"
"yeah, I'll call you tonight after it bye" she squeals.
I start the ten minute walk homeand realise that it's now been a few days since sally, my mum, sent me the letter so I would need to tell jude tonight after the date though and let him tell me all about it first.
when i arrive home i hear jude cursing in his room i grab a glass of water and head over to his room i lightly knock before walking in on a half naked jude luckily its his top half that'd naked and not his bottom.
"what?" he snaps but seems to regret it instantly, i raise an eyebrow waiting for him to explain.
"sorry, Im just stressing out my last date didn't go well and it sort of put me off"
"why what happened?"
"it turned out she was sleeping with my brother, he didn't know either but that didn't stop him from leaving me in the hospital for nine days, i sort of gave up after that I thought she was 'the one'.
"it's ok, emilies very different i promise she won't play you and you will get on great"
"thanks, and next time maybe wait til I let you in? I could have been naked from the bottom down i stead of up"
"whatever, just get ready and don't be late picking her up"

Jude comes in at about quarter to twelve and sits beside me on the sofa,
"how was it?"
"good, sorry for coming in so late, we were... Busy" he says wriggling his eyebrows.
"fuck off, are you gonna see her again?"
"yeah, just not the way your thinking, more like friends"
"why?"
"I don't know I just don't like her that way"
"was she upset?"
"no, she actually brought it up"
"really? I thought she liked you, are you ok?"
"yeah, I wanted to tell her but just couldn't get it out"
"so what did you mean when you said you were busy?"
"we went dancing but still no connection"
"oh, well there was something I wanted to talk to you about?"
"yeah?"
"I'm gonna tell you the rest of my story ok? About ireland and stuff and I'll tell you why when I'm done"
"ok, will you be ok?"
"yeah, okay so you know that I cut for a while and I got a bit of help from other people who did aswell and we're recovering and i was doing well but then my brother died i git really bad i started cutting again and got really depressed my mum and dad treated me even worse and threatened me a few times I was literally terrified of them so I... I tried to kill myself i tried to overdose with pills and vodka and i felt myself slipping away i didnt remember anything from when i was dead but the nurses brought me back i went to rehab and got the right help this was all when I was thirteen, when i was fourteen i got my own job and moved out when i was seventeen i completely cut my family off but then my mum got a lawyer and stuff and tried to force me back into the house I won against her but she kept doing stuff like that so I moved here to new York"
Hes staring at me he looks so sad and lost for words.
"I'm so sorry I know that's so much to take in but I cant waste any time, you see my mum she's found me again, the letter to 'jane Mcmillin' that's me i changed my name so my family couldn't find me but she got someone to hack my Google account she saw all the apartments i was looking at and the emails we sent to eachother, she told me in the letter that she was going to have me back that people were talking about her and stuff, I'll show you it but the point is if she does ring here lie to her and tell her you don't know any jane even if you do make me leave i understand but she can't ever k ow where abouts i am ok?"
"erm, yeah o-ok" his voice is shaky and he's looking at the floor,he looks up at my face and pulls me into a hug i suddenly realise I'm crying i mean balling my eyes out and he's holding me and calming me down after a few minutes i stand and tell him im going to get the letter when he reads it he curses.
"do you know her number?" He asks his voice quiet and shaky.
"no,"
"it's ok i won't let her hurt you, you said she emotionally abused you couldn't you take her to court for that?"
"no, ok i dont want that I just want to forget about my family altogether ok?"
"yeah and i know I won't tell anyone or treat you differently i promise"
"thank you" I tell him and genuinely mean it, we sit like that on the sofa for a while until he carries me into my bedroom and gives me my pills shakily after finding out abit my attempted suicide bit he stays with me u til I fall asleep into another nightmare...