starting over

chapter 22

Annies POV

I woke sweating and shaking again this nightmare wasnt like the others I was back home my mum was shouting at me for god knows what i just heard the bits that hurt, ungrateful brat, stupid child, ignorant fuck, the usual stuff that got screamed at you when you were twelve my dad came in saw what was happening and laughed before walking off again everything started fading and it was just me and my parents i was stuck i couldnt move they kept shouting and my wrists were bleeding and then I woke up. I looked at jude he was sleeping so I went into the kitchen i couldnt get back to sleep i looked outside and everything looked so peaceful at three in the morning I left a note incase jude woke up and I was gone i changed into a Hoodie and jeans and walked about listening to music everyone was sleeping on this side of town and it was perfect i went to the park and lay on the grass breathing in everything i started thinking about everything that happened my mum was in prison for everything she had done but my dad had just assaulted me would he be back? And if so would he hurt jude? I couldn't let that happen i love jude so much i couldnt imagine life without him but if he was in danger could i really stay?

I began walking home and when i arrived i saw jude half asleep on the couch but when the door closed he stirred and woke up.
"where the fuck were you Annie i was up for two hours worried like fuck did you ignore my calls and texts on purpose?" he shouted slightly but not too loud to wake our neighbours.
"I had a nightmare and when i woke up i didnt want to wake you so I went a walk it's no big deal and I'm sorry for worrying you" I said casually but it only seemed to make him angrier.
"no fucking big deal huh? Your dad, who assaulted you today, is out there right now he could be stalking you and he could have taken that opportunity to fucking kill you why the hell would you go walking about new york city at three in the morning alonr without your fucking phone?" he screamed back glaring at me.
"I know my way around by now no one was up on this side of the city and i know how to defend myself" I said back getting angrier it wasnt a big deal i just walked for a while and I can look after myself he was completely overreacting, right?
"if you knew how to fucking defend yourself then why are you bruised and cut now?" he shouted again.
"I was in shock i hadn't seen the man in like three years and the last time I saw him he told me that he was happy to see the back of me but I can defend myself" I shouted back not giving two fuck about our neighbours.
"fine then prove it" he said back confidently.
"what? How!?" I demanded did he want to track down my dad and make me fight him?
"come at me prove that you could take me down" he said back challenging me.
"I'm not fucking fighting you"
"I'll go easy on you I'll do what your dad would probably do if you can take me down I'll forgive you"
"I don't need fucking forgiven when i didnt do anything wrong" I shout back before turning and walking into my old bedroom.
"walking away like you walked away from your problems in ireland that's why it still bothers you, you never faced them you just ran" what the fuck!? why did he say that! That was just wrong!!!
"you know what you fucking bastard i bloody ran because i tried facing them before and I ended trying to fucking kill myself that's why I ran you asshole i was fir once in my fucked up life thinking about me!" I roar even louder than before before punching him in the stomach he grabs my arm and twists me around he tries to shove me down but I pulp away and he nearly falls but i catch him turn him and kick him in the nuts he falls to the floor in pain.
"o-okay... I'm s-orry" he says in pain.
"I don't want your fucking apology" I hiss before walking back out i grab my phone and wait until a cab pulls up i jump in and go to the pub.

Judes POV

My nuts hurt like fuck but i needed to try to make it up to her ive called her fourteen times and sent her thirty two texts i try again but she doesn't pick up.
"listen ans I'm sorry I was a dick just please come and we can talk about this im really worried it's been an hour and a half please atleast text me" I say leaving her a voice message if she doesn't call me back I'll track her down and beg her to forgive me.
Twenty minutes later and a cab pulls up outside i see Annie in the back she pays the driver and walks unsteadily to the apartment i race downstairs to meet her and carry her up i tried to just carry her bridal style but she wanted a piggy back.
"do you forgive me then?" I ask her as we sit down on the couch.
"no, I don't want you to get hurt remember?" she says as if it's obvious.
"huh? What do you mean?" I ask confused.
"I love you so much" she says sadly.
"why does that upset you?" i ask tucking some hair behind her ear.
"because I'll have to leave and that'll make it harder"
"what? No please dont leave me it was just a silly fight everyone has them I'm so sorry don't leave me because of something so stupid" I beg.
"it's not the fight, i dot want to hurt you" she explains flicking my nose.
"you won't i promise you'll only hurt me if you leave please Annie" I beg her desperately wanting to always be with her.
"I'm sorry remember it's hard on me too but im already broken i dont want you to be like this too it's because I care ab..."
"no don't even say that we both have problems but your better now and i will get your dad sorted we can move away anything but i won't leave you ever" I cut her off nit wanting to hear any excuses.
"am i better?" she asks.
"yes, you beat depression and you should be proud"
"I didn't though"
"what do you mean?" I ask worried that she's hurt herself.
"I'm so sorry but this is why I can't let anyone close i should have never told you then you wouldn't care that I'm leaving, I told them I wouldn't ever be properly better but they didn't believe me"
"I can make you happy, please you cant leave"
"I'm sorry"
"I will keep fighting for you i won't let them tear us apart you deserve to be happy and I can make you happy"
"can you?"
"yes"
"always even when i want to cut, when i am triggered"
"I love you and i would rather you cut me than even let you feel like that"
"I love you too" I pull her close and we fall asleep on the couch i hold her tight scared that I may be loosing her just as I found her.