Billie Joe Armstrong one shots

Walk away <3

I tried so hard to avoid looking over at him today. But I failed when he made that loud joke in maths class I couldn't help but laugh at.

If he saw me laughing at his joke do you think he would've boosted up his own ego or just think I can't let go of him? 

If he was to think I couldn't let go of him, would he of been wrong?

When I have to put so much focus on not glancing over at Billie Joe just to see what shirt he would wear today or how tired he looked to know if he's been sleeping right lately. I guess if I really had to question it the answer is no. He wouldn't have been wrong to think so.

It's only been three weeks tops since we broke up. And I'm feeling crazy. My whole body was built with self pity and sympathy. My mind felt shattered with no hopes of mending itself in the near future.

I gave in today. To my desires of wanting to see how tired he looked today to determine if he was sleeping okay. Staring at him in my last class of the day: science. 

'Thanks for breaking my mind Billie Joe,' I thought to myself watching him scribble in his book. 'I wish I could be angry at you for it. But I even think the way the pieces of my conscious were sprawled out and scattered on the floor was sort of beautiful because it was you who did it,'

Mike beside him nudged his arm. Billie Joe cussed under his breath looking over at his friend. Before after a mumble of words both eyes fell to me.

'I'm so ashamed I still stare at you. Are you ashamed of me too that I do that?'

I flickered my eyes away fast. My body prickled with embarrassment from being caught as I sat there uncomfortable in my own skin. I just wanted to crawl out of it and be someone else.

Leaving it a few seconds, I glanced back up to check if they were still looking at me. 'Do I hope you're still staring at me the way I do you? Or if I find you looking am I gonna feel more shitty?'

He still was looking. Oh great. My body felt weak. Only furthermore feeling frail when he gave me a small soft smile. 'Please don't smile at me like that.' I thought silently to him. I couldn't smile back. Did he know that? I moved my eyes away focusing back on my work.

I didn't give in any more after that the whole lesson. Which was agony. That I couldn't allow myself to even admire him just from afar. 

When the class ended, I tried to scurry out as fast as I could. Praying I'd abandon my discomfort in the room. But it only loomed around me since his smile.

I walked quickly through the hallways, keeping my eyes to the floor so I couldn't look at anyone else. That ignorance of my awareness was my bad, I realised that when my body clashed with someone else's.

When it clashed with him. 

"Oh shit," I cussed. "I'm so sorry I-" I cut myself off looking at Billie Joe's eyes.

Focusing on his face was so much more than just looking at him. I wasn't just peering at him in the eyes. But also staring straight into the eyes of all my rejection and humility.

"Hi," He greeted awkwardly.

It hurt so bad. Fucking stung. But I couldn't let him know that. "Hi Billie Joe," I managed to squeak. 

Seconds of silence passed. Killing me. Until he spoke back up with his awkward voice. "How are you lately?"

'Fucking terrible. Like shit. I'm fucking lost without you. I'm a wreck and a mess and a whole heap of shame and indignity. But you don't look like you'd know that feeling. Not any of these feelings I feel,'. "I'm okay," I lied so plainly.