My Love will Never Die..

Monster

“Maybe you can tattoo them or something?.......They are disgusting doctor!..........No I DON’T NEED A BLOODY BOTOX!......You are completely useless!” Lucifer hung up his call of the seventh doctor. Since the morning his schedules have been pretty hectic.

No, it was not Lux, or the precinct. Yes, he didn’t go to the precinct today. As he was not exactly paid, and his position as the consultant was not yet officialised after his resignation, he didn’t have to present any reason for his absence, not that he did in the past anyways. He locked the elevator too. He already had too much to worry about, and definitely not the time expect any guest.

In the morning when he came to know about his giant, leathery red bat wings, he broke the bathroom mirror…how predictable. And then after pacing up and down his whole penthouse for about an hour, he debated on calling Linda. But of course it went straight to voice-mail. It was bloody seven in the morning. No, he won’t break the phone now, he already broke two phones in the last month, and right now contacting Linda was of much importance.

His tremendously fast mood swings were getting annoying now. Last night he had a panic attack! The Devil had a panic attack! The irony huh. But he couldn’t complain all of it. He got to see Uriel, his little brother and Charlotte, his mum too; doesn’t matter they were a fragment of his imagination, no matter they came to bash him or insult him; at least he got to see them. But at the same time, Chloe’s cold gaze, her freezing behaviour towards him – he couldn’t bear that. She was too polite to even allow him in her life, to be around her.

And then he almost cried like a child dragging himself down the wall on the floor of his bedroom. Why did every bad thing always happen to him? Was it because he was the Devil? Was it because he was the magnet to every bad omens and shortcomings? Eons and eons of hurt, abandonment, torture and yet he wasn’t done. The tears froze into fiery anger, and then it melted to fear – those wings truly define him now; he was truly a monster now. And as much as he would like the blame game now, that his dear old dad is manipulating him, he couldn’t do that. Because deep down he knew it wasn’t his father. All of these – his devil face, his devil wings were all his bloody fault! He felt like a monster. And thus his angel wings actualised into those hideous bat wings. What if he remained like that? What if he couldn’t go back? What if he scared off everyone in his life for good? He already lost two of his friends, counting Daniel. As much as he was douche, Lucifer liked the man and considered him as a friend. He couldn’t lose more.

A bitter, growling laugh rolled down his throat. After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled up. Standing on his feet now, he tore his hair in confusion and anger. What can he possibly do to avoid this?  Trudging towards the couch in his living room, he sank down on the settee, his head in his hands as he buried his face on the palms. A few months ago he couldn’t even bear to look at his white wings. He called them ‘feathery burdens’, yet now, he would do anything to get them back. He wished the Detective was here. She always found a way to make him smile. But, she too was out of his reach. How could she possible stand him? He was a creep, and he knew he didn’t belong there. Yet he was. Uriel was right. He was selfish.

But he was not a monster! At least he didn’t want to be. He wanted redemption, yet he was miles away from it. He wanted acceptance, yet he knew he wouldn’t get it, he wanted love, and…well…maybe love hates him. He didn’t know how long he was seated like this with his head on his hands, elbows biting on his knees, his eyes hurt and hot trickles of tears dropped on the floor slowly. The devil was brooding, they would say. Honestly, he didn’t care. Maybe he dosed off sometime later. Because when the phone vibrated next to him and when he finally lifted his head, his shoulders were stiff, and the penthouse was dark. Was it evening? He was still in his red silky robe, he wore in the morning, he didn’t even brush his teeth, or took a shower the whole day, his hair was sticking out in all directions like antennas, and he was pretty sure he looked like shit. There were tears smeared around his cheeks. Who cries in their sleep?!