Corey: can we go to a haunted house this year?
Sam: what's wrong with the one we live in?
Corey: WHAT?!
Sam: good night!
---
Katrina: do you like my outfit?
Colby: not as much as i like what's underneath it
Katrina: Colby!
Colby: no, I need your chair. get up
---
Jake: is there a word that's a mix between angry and sad?
Sam: malcontented, disgruntled, miserable, desolated
Colby: smad
---
Sam and Colby: are we going too far?
Corey: no, no, no. you went too far about seven hours ago. now you're going to prison.
---
Jake: this plan seems really complicated
Sam: you once said that about oranges
Jake: they don't make sense. apples, you eat their clothes, but oranges, you don't?
---
Colby: Elton, I hope I'm as cool as you in 50 years
Elton: does he think I'm sixty?
Sam: no, he's just bad at math
---
Elton: you know those moments when I tell you something isn't a good idea?
Sam and Colby: and then we ignore you? yeah
---
Colby: good news and bad news
Sam: okay, bad news first
Colby: the fire I started in the kitchen is out of control
Sam: WHAT?!
Colby, holding a perfectly toasted poptart: wow so you don't even care about the good news?
---
Corey: what if mayonnaise came in cans?
Jake: that would really suck because you can't microwave metal
Sam: good morning to everyone except Jake and Corey
---
Jake: I should've known I was gonna lose Tara
Jake: she's so pocket-sized, she could be hidden anywhere
---
Elton: Colby, please keep an eye on Jake today. he's gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself punched
Colby: sure, I'd love to see Jake get punched
Elton: try again?
Colby: I will stop Jake from getting punched
---
Jake: I lost Tara
Sam: how did you LOSE Tara?
Jake: to be fair, she is very small
---
Corey: you're not even listening to me
Jake: no, I heard you. you said a bunch of words
---
(Through text)
Colby: Sorry Sam, I was getting my hair cut.
Colby: I'm at the supermarket now.
Sam: Send pics.
Colby: *sends a picture of the shopping cart*
Sam: Oh my god.
---
Sam: what is wrong with you?
Jake: loaded question. Elaborate.
---
Jake: *walking around disappointed hours after visiting the aquarium*
Tara: what did you think a tiger shark was Jake?
---
Colby: hello officer what seems to be the problem?
Officer: uh, sorry, Colby Brock, I have to arrest you for driving a motorcycle with three people on it.
Colby: three?
Corey and Jake:
Colby: Shit! Sam fell off!
---
Colby: I have the sharpest memory! Name one time I forgot something.
Jake: you left me in a Walmart parking lot like three weeks ago.
Colby: I did that on purpose, try again.
---
Colby: try this coffee and tell me what it tastes like.
Jake takes a sip: Hazelnut?
Colby: I don't know I found it in the garbage.
Jake: *gags*
---
YOU ARE READING
XPLR
FanfictionGod I swear this one is going to be more organized and hopefully way better. And to clarify, all of this is platonic. I do not ship them romantically, I believe they are each other's platonic soulmate and if you have a problem with that then leave.
