Colby: you've got to learn to love yourself.
Sam: but don't you hate yourself?
Colby: yes, but this is about you. stay focused.
---
Jake: truth or dare
Corey: truth
Jake: what's your credit card number?
Corey: uh, dare
Jake: I dare you to tell me your credit card number
---
Sam: Hey Colby, do you remember what my blood type is?
Colby: Of course. It's B positive.
Sam, pulling out an IV: Okay, I guessed wrong. Please get a doctor.
---
Sam: do you feel okay?
Colby: I feel much better now that you here with me.
[Jake walks in]
Colby: I feel less better.
---
Colby: other people may reject you, but if you lie on the forest floor for long enough, the moss and fungi will always accept you as their own.
Sam: Colbs, are you good?
---
Jake: may I offer you a nice stick in these trying times?
---
Sam: are you this rude to everyone?!
Colby: yup.
Colby: don't think you're special.
---
Colby: I have one foot in the grave but in a kind of fun flirty way, the way one might slip on a fishnet stocking.
---
Tara: where are you going?
Jake: hell, eventually.
---
Colby, at Sam's funeral: I need a moment with him.
Everyone: of course. [they leave]
Colby, leaning over Sam's coffin: okay, listen here you little shit. I know you're not dead.
Sam, opening his eyes: yeah, no shit.
---
Jake: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.
---
Sam: I think we should kiss.
Colby: and I think you should die but we don't always get what we want.
---
Sam: wait a minute, how did this happen? we're smarter than this!!
Colby: no we are not-
---
Corey some of us are still 'it' from a childhood game of tag.
Jake: way to just fuck me up on a Tuesday??
---
[2am]
Sam: yo, where did you get that tomato soup?
Jake: it's actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.
---
Sam: I drink to forget but I always remember...
Kat: babe, you're drinking orange juice.
---
Colby: did it hurt when you fell-
Jake: from heaven? wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-
Colby: no, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Jake:
Sam: yeah, you just laid there for like 15 minutes.
---
Sam, talking about Brennen: is this a friend of yours, q?
Colby: kind of? not really. he's in my life and there's nothing I can do about it.
---
Sam: Colby got into a fight.
Jake: that's bad.
Jake:
Jake: did he win?
---
Corey: treat spiders the way you want to be treated!
Colby, already holding a bat: killed without hesitation.
---
Jake, probably high: everyone always says bros before hoes but what if your bro is your hoe?
Colby, also high: b r o
Corey and Sam:
---
Sam: wow, i feel so happy right now
Sam:
Sam, narrowing his eyes: something's wrong.
---
YOU ARE READING
XPLR
FanfictionGod I swear this one is going to be more organized and hopefully way better. And to clarify, all of this is platonic. I do not ship them romantically, I believe they are each other's platonic soulmate and if you have a problem with that then leave.
