Sam: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.
Colby: Mine just says "Colby no."
Sam: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.
———
Colby, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.
Sam: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.
———
Colby: wanna commit a bunch of major crimes??
Sam: yea sure bro but hold on I got to finish my Capri sun.
———
Nobody:
Jake Webber: Sometimes i'm just so rad it boggles the mind
———
Jake: It's not my fault that your mom abandoned you!
Colby: How dare you try to play the victim! My mother left me because of what your *insert slur here* mother did!
Jake: Sam, why are you helping this pathetic loser?
Sam: You ate my chicken nuggets
———
Sam: I now know what it's like to be a werewolf.
Colby: ...what did you do?
Sam: I made instant coffee with Monster instead of water.
Colby:
Sam: I've had three cups in the past hour.
Colby:
Sam: I can see shrimp colours.
———
Colby: I am literally evil incarnate.
Colby: I'm not actually, I just enjoy being evil.
Colby: Which I think actually makes it even more evil because I'm making a conscious effort.
———
Colby: I would kill for you.
Sam: Cool. Would you do your dishes instead?
Colby: Absolutely not.
———
Colby, to Sam: I mean, sure, you seemed upset, but you're barley holding it together on a good day.
Jake: Yeah, you had a full-on panic attack that time we caught you eating spoonful's of mayonnaise straight from the jar.
———
Kat: so Tara, we know that you are having problems in your life right now.
Sam: yeah, how big your problems?
Tara: *looks at Jake* Jake, how tall are you?
Jake: what?
Kat & Sam: what?
———
Sam: Is there a sign we should watch for if something goes wrong?
Colby: If I get shot, or scream "Fuck"
———
Jake: Just so you all know, never try to climb a tree at night while carrying a strobe light. The owls DON'T LIKE THAT.
Sam: What...what did you do?
Jake: I MADE A VERY BAD MISTAKE!
———
Sam: You know, sometimes I can't help but feel like you look down on me.
Colby: That's because you're 7 inches shorter than me.
———
Tara: Ew, what kind of tea is this?
Jake: I boiled gatorade.
———
YOU ARE READING
XPLR
FanfictionGod I swear this one is going to be more organized and hopefully way better. And to clarify, all of this is platonic. I do not ship them romantically, I believe they are each other's platonic soulmate and if you have a problem with that then leave.
