Sam: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it's doing to your body.
Colby: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.
Sam: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
Colby: Hmm... I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...
---
Sam: Colby, is that legal?
Colby: When there's no cops around, anything's legal!
---
{ for a bit }
Sam: what do bees make?
Colby: honey?
Sam: yes, babe?
Colby: *blushing*
Corey:
Corey: Jake, what do bees make?
Jake: some annoying fucking sound, what do you want?
---
Nate: You have a higher chance of getting flowers on Valentine's Day if you die on February 13.
Seth:
Seth: Never before have I been so offended by something I 100% agree with.
---
Sam: Oh, look at that. The stars are pretty tonight.
Colby: You're the best star.
Sam: huh?
Colby, panicked: I said I want to hit you with a car-
---
Nate: Seth, I have no one to spend February 14 with, it's so sad.
Seth: You have no one to spend every day of the year with, Nate, why is February 14th especially frustrating for you?
---
Colby: This whole Valentine's Day thing is one big scam. The greeting card companies, the candy stores, all trying to rip off the innocent customers.
Sam: No date, huh?
Colby: *clutching his heart dramatically* I am so lonely.
---
Jake: Hey, do you think I could fit in the dryer? Corey doesn't think I could.
Colby: I dunno, let's-
Sam: Let's, and I cannot stress this enough, not find out.
---
Colby: A sprite is anything not static.
Sam: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d.
Jake: A sprite is a fucking soda.
Jake: You goddamn geekass bastards.
---
Colby: Do you take constructive criticism?
Sam: Not without crying
---
Sam: You didn't cry when Bambi's mom died?
Colby: Yes, it was so sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.
---
Jake: *to Sam* COLBY IS ON MY BED PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HIM?
Sam: where'd he get the armadillo from-
Jake: THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW
---
Colby: If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark.
Sam: But we are teenagers.
Colby: Exactly.
---
Colby: If I'm legally allowed to go to jail, then I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Corey: Yeah, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him?
---
Sam: I doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
Colby: I suggest you not find out the hard way.
---
Colby : Does anyone have any cologne? Jake?
Jake: No, Tara said I'm not allowed to wear cologne until I prove I can be responsible with it.
---
Sam: Try not to mess things up, okay?
Jake: Since when do I ever mess things up?
Colby: Do you want your list in chronological or alphabetical order?
---
Colby: You have no idea what love is, Sam, you're a teenager!
Sam: So were Romeo and Juliet!
Colby: THEY LASTED FOUR DAYS AND SIX PEOPLE DIED.
---
Colby: You can de-escalate literally any situation by asking 'are we about to kiss?'
Colby: Doesn't work with getting out of speeding tickets, though.
---
YOU ARE READING
XPLR
FanfictionGod I swear this one is going to be more organized and hopefully way better. And to clarify, all of this is platonic. I do not ship them romantically, I believe they are each other's platonic soulmate and if you have a problem with that then leave.
