Sam: *draws pentagrams because he's bored af*
Colby: What do you want from me?
-----
Sam: What's a thot?
Colby, joking: Oh, a thoughtful person.
~later~
Sam: thanks for helping me, Elton, you're such a thot.
Elton: *choking* I'm A WHAT-
----
Colby: Are you my homework?
Random girl, flirting on him: uh-Wha- why?
Colby: Cause I'm not gonna do you.
-----
Colby: I told Sam his ears turn red when he lies and now I can directly tell whenever he does.
Corey: How?
Colby: I'll show you,
Colby: Sammy, did you eat the last of the pizza rolls?
Sam, covering his ear with hands: No!
Corey: So it was you?!
----
Sam: How can anyone one say Colby is evil?? He's the most precious soul ever.
Colby, wiping blood from his face: Yeah, I'm adorable!
Colby: ... Don't worry it's not my blood.
----
Sam: Smiling is contagious.
Colby: Don't worry, I'm vaccinated.
----
Colby, staring directly into the camera with a microphone in his hand: And here you can see the endangered species Sam in his natural habitat.
Sam, falls down the stairs, spilling cereal everywhere
Colby: Natural selection is coming for this specimen.
----
Sam: Be nice.
Colby: I am!
Sam: You threatened Brennen with a knife!
Colby: Yeah, but I didn't stab him.
----
Sam, sees someone doing something stupid: Oh my gosh, what an idiot.
*takes closer look*
Sam: Wait that's my idiot!
----
[Texting]
Colby: K
Sam: well potassium is a very nice element.
Sam: very reactive
Sam: Unlike that response you just gave.
----
Sam: Hey do you have a bag I can borrow?
Colby: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and they're specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence.
Sam: Literally all you had to say was no.
----
Sam: So...I can't make it tonight.
Colby: How come?
Sam: I may have been stabbed just now.
Colby: Only you would politely cancel plans while you're bleeding out. Hold on, I'll call an ambulance.
----
Sam, wakes: Wait where am I?
Colby, sarcastically: in heaven.
Sam: oh
Sam: ...
Sam: Didn't think you'd be here.
-----
Sam, laying on the ground: Do you ever just get sad?
Colby, is concerned: ...
----
Sam: Just go to the hospital!
Colby: I'm sorry is this our stab wound?? Stay out of it.
----
Colby: You promised not to tell Sam I drank the last White Claw!
Jake: And Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia. Welcome to reality Colby.
----
Sam: gets dragged away by demons
Nate, unaffected: Get up Sam, it's just the wind
----
Elton: You lost a lot of blood before you passed out. Do you remember anything?
Sam: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.
Amanda: There was no ambulance ride, we drove you here in Elton's car.
Sam: But I heard a siren?
Heath: That was Colby.
Colby: I was scared Heath!
----
Sam, holding up cauliflower: What is this?
Jake: Cauliflower?
Sam to Colby: Now what do you call it?
Colby, folds arms and pouts: ...ghost broccoli.
----
[ Sam telling a story for YouTube]
Sam: One time, I climbed onto my roof to get food lighting and I ended up rolling off and landed in the trampoline. And the bounce was so strong, it shot me through the dining room window.
Colby, from the kitchen: How the hell?
----
Sam, waking up after passing out at Colby's apartment: Is this the afterlife? Because if it is, I have to say I'm not digging this color scheme.
Colby: No you dimwit. And I'll have you know pink and teal go quite well together. So I'm not changing it.
----
Sam, holding up a weird bottle: Is this perfume or whiskey?
Colby: grabs bottle and chugs entire the bottle
Colby: Perfume, it's perfume.
-----
Sam: Are you okay? Did you get any sleep last night?
Colby: I got a solid 8 minutes.
Colby: Not consecutively. But that's okay, you're not that blurry.
----
Jake: I need advice.
Colby: Love advice? Trust me, I'm the expert. I'm hella experienced with everything.
Sam, not looking up while scrolling on Twitter: Yeah, says the virgin.
----
YOU ARE READING
XPLR
أدب الهواةGod I swear this one is going to be more organized and hopefully way better. And to clarify, all of this is platonic. I do not ship them romantically, I believe they are each other's platonic soulmate and if you have a problem with that then leave.
