Breaking Of The Know-it-all (Creek)

Left Outside Alone

Left broken, empty and in despair,
Wanna breathe, can't find air,
Thought you were sent from up above,
But you and me never had love.
So much more I have to say,
Help me find a way.

~~~

⚠️TW for panic attacks.

August 16th, 11 am.

They're sitting face to face. They were never this awkward around each other. Kyle tapped his foot impatiently on the floor, as Stan fixed his eyes on anything but his friend. His bed never felt so uncomfortable. And he could've sworn that chair was bigger before. The whole room felt as if the walls were going to crush them both. Personally, Stan didn't want to be there, but he knew that this conversation needed to happen, and apparently, so did Kyle.

"How long?" The taller man asked, breaking the silence.

"How long what..?"

"How long have you been feeling this way? Towards me, I mean..."

He didn't answer right away. Lately, it felt like everything he said could be used as a weapon against him, so he needed to be careful with his words.

"I guess... ever since we were kids...?" Why was Kyle asking him this? If he had heard the entire conversation last night, the way he claimed he did, he wouldn't be asking this. It's almost as if he's doing it on purpose to humiliate Stan.

"Kids..." He chuckled, looking out the window.

"What's so funny?"

"It's just that... if you felt that way, why didn't you tell me?"

"For this exact reason, Kyle." Because of this conversation. It was the one he feared the most, ever since he came to terms with his feelings for his best friend. He wasn't scared of his dad bringing up "the birds and the bees", or that his mom would sit down and talk to him about "hormones". He wasn't scared of any of those. He was scared of being forced to talk to Kyle face to face, about his gay feelings for him. About how his face turned bright red when he came back from summer camp, at the age of 14, and he realized that his friend had grown up an awful lot. About how his heart would beat faster everytime Kyle would offer him one of his earphones, so they could listen to the same song. How heavy his breathing would get, whenever the two of them had sleepovers, and they had to sleep on the same bed, and Kyle was just involuntarily too close to him. How his heart felt like it was going to explode, when Kyle started wearing glasses, and he developed the habit of adjusting them whenever he was nervous.

When he fell in love, everything just changed. He couldn't see his best friend the same way as he did before, and it hurt. It hurt bad.

"Oh, Stan..."

"What? What 'Oh, Stan'?" Said man complained, standing up from the bed, suddenly. "Dude, I get it. You don't feel the same way towards me. That's okay! I wasn't expecting you to. But please. Please! Just shut up, and forget this conversation ever happened. Let's just go back to the way we were, okay?" He sobbed silently, as his legs gave up on him. He crouched down, hands grabbing his head for dear life, as if it was going to explode. He doesn't know, neither does he care, about how he started having a panic attack so suddenly. He's been having lots of those, recently... but this..? So stupid and childish. He was desperate, and Kyle knew that. But he also knew that his best friend was suffering, and he wanted to help. Even if the problem was himself.

"Stan, you know that's not possible." He said, crouching down to be on the same level as him, "Even if I did forget about this conversation, you wouldn't. I don't want that. I want you to be happy because you're my best friend-"