if we just had time.

chapter thirty-five

mention of self harm.

Isabella Evergreen

The last thing Isabella saw was white. She'd cut too deep. There was blood dripping down from her wrist. She was getting light headed so she sat on the floor, waiting for the ache in her head to stop. She wrapped her wrist with a towel for the bleeding to stop. She closed her eyes because the aching feeling in her head was getting worse. She thought she was going to be fine in a minute.

Isabella opened her eyes to a bright light. She saw two people on each side of her. She saw her mum on her left. She looked like she'd been crying. She hated to see her mother cry.

On her right she saw theodore. He looked scared. His hand was on hers.

Isabella was confused. Where was she?

Her eyes were getting heavy. She was going to close them just for a minute.

_________________________________________

She opened her eyes again. She was somewhere else, but the

light was still bright. Once she got used to the light she saw Theodore on the chair next to the bed. He was sleeping.

Isabella looked at her wrist. They were covered in bandages. She looked around the room and quickly knew where she was. She was at the hospital. There was an IV tub attached to her arm, there was blood and saline bags hanging from a pole. Next to the pole she saw a monitor.

"You're up." Theodore said.

Isabella gasped in shock, looking at him. He sounded mad. "I am, yes." she said to the boy.

"The doctor said you were pretty lucky to survive," he said.

Isabella nodded, now playing with her hands.

Theodore kept looking at her. He leaned forward, going closer to her. "Why did you do it? Cut your wrist?" he asked just above a whisper.

Isabella looked at him. She looked in his eyes, silently pleading that he won't ask the questions she did not long ago. He just kept looking at her, waiting for the answer.

"Where's mum?" She dodged the conversation. Hoping he'd get the clue.

He shook his head. "Don't dodge the question, bella. Answer mine and I'll answer yours."

Isabella sighed, looking away from him. "I can't feel this feeling. I don't want to feel this way."

He furrowed his brows. "What feeling?" he asked

Please don't make me say it. It would hurt me saying that I don't want to love you.

"I don't want to feel this type of sadness. I'm in much more pain than I was before." She half lied. She couldn't bare to tell him the real reason. "I don't want to feel. I want to be-" she shook her head. "I want to be painless. I really bloody hate this feeling theo." tears were sprouting through her eyes now.

Theodore took her hand, holding it tight. "What have I told you about coming to me whenever you need to self harm?" he whispered. "You always come to me. I don't care what time it is, I don't care if I'm talking to the bloody queen of england. I'll drop everything I'm doing to help you. I'll be there for you 100% of the time." he clarified.

Is this why I love him?

Isabella wiped a tear that escaped with her free hand. "I did and I do. But I don't think I can be saved anymore." she said.

Theodore looked out the window behind him and looked back at her. He stood up and sat beside her on the hospital bed. He  wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "I'll save you. I promise." he cooed. "If no one can, I would."