When I Was Saving You

Kabanata 31

A month after their wedding, I received a message from George.

From: George
can i call you?

To: George
yeah. sure

George is now calling...

"Hello, Jhe?"

"George." bati ko pabalik. "Kamusta?" awkward kong tanong.

"Hmmm. Okay lang naman. Kalilipat lang din namin ni Exrielle sa bagong bahay namin."

"Ah. Umalis na kayo sa bahay-" hindi ko pa man natatapos ang sinasabi ko ay inunahan na agad ako ni George.

"I heard that Kein went to your house. Kamusta? Anong nangyari?" prangkang tanong nito. Hindi na nagpaligoy-ligoy pa.

Bumilog ang bunganga ko, naghahanap ng salita pero wala. Wala akong masabi. Hindi ako nakasagot sa kaniya.

"Jhe, alam kong wala ako sa posisyon para sabihin 'to. He's been through a lot. Hindi sa binabaliwala ko lahat ng ginawa mo para sa inyong dalawa pero...." tumigil siya saglit at huminga nang malalim. "Kapag handa ka na at may oras ka, hear him out." bilin niya. "But I am not forcing you." mabilis na sabi nito. "Hindi rin kita pinipilit na patawarin siya sa nagawa niya pero kapag handa ka na... sana... sana pakinggan mo rin siya. Baka sakaling maintindihan mo rin siya."

There's no reason to justify what he did to me. There's no valid reason for a person to cheat. How can I hear him out when he had a choice not to cheat but he still did it? How do you forgive someone who made you doubt your own worth?

"Do you think he deserves to be heard?"

"Hmmm. I think everyone deserves to be heard, but it doesn't mean that we have to understand their reasons and forgive them. They can explain themselves, but they should not expect to be accepted and forgiven." seryosong sagot ni Texon.

"Explanations are not meant to be used as an excuse or justification for what you did wrong. I think it is meant to answer the questions that you've caused a person. It is to clear their minds of the thoughts that have been running through them." patuloy nito. "Pero para sa akin lang 'yon. May sarili kang decision at perspective sa buhay kaya iyon ang sundin mo."

His answer was not what I expected. I expected him to tell me that he doesn't deserve a chance to be heard because he cheated. I thought he would be on my side, but he wasn't. Sigurado naman ako na hindi niya sinabi iyon sa akin dahil kinakampihan niya si Kein. Hindi niya naman iyon gagawin dahil lang naging magkaibigan sila nang matagal na panahon.

Texon is an open-minded man, and I think he just told me what he thinks is right. He didn't force me either to follow what he advised. He just gave me an answer to my question.

It took me weeks to finally make a decision. I took a deep breath as I typed his number into my contacts. I asked George for his brother's number. Nagulat pa ako nang malaman na hindi pala siya nagpalit ng number. Nakailang tipa at bura ako ng message para sa kaniya. Paano ko ba dapat sabihin sa kaniya? Paano ko sisimulan? Should I greet him first? Should I say hi? Should I introduce myself ba?

To: Kein
let's talk

Sa huli ay iyon ang napagdesisyunan kong sabihin. Wala pang isang minuto at nakatanggap na agad ako ng reply mula sa kaniya.

From: Kein
Khane?

Hindi na ako nagulat nang may ideya siya kung sino ako. Nagbago ako ng numero kaya siguro ay hindi rin siya sigurado kung ako ba talaga ang nag-text. Maybe George told her din. Inabisuhan na siguro siya beforehand.

To: Kein
yes.

To: Kein
i wanna hear you side.

I think I'm ready. Hindi man ako sigurado kung kaya kong tanggapin. Kung kaya ko bang intindihin pero pakikinggan ko. Para na rin siguro sa closure?

From: Kein
thank you

To: Kein
but do not expect too much. i just wanna clear things out.

From: Kein
i understand

I texted him the details. He insisted na siya na raw ang pupunta rito pero sinabi kong ako na ang luluwas sa Manila. Ayokong makaabala pa dahil may pamilya na siya. May anak siyang naghihintay sa kaniya at ayokong humati pa sa oras na iyon. Saglit lang din naman siguro ang makakain naming oras.