Help me. | l.s. (mpreg) [Book 1]

30

"Okay, can we please stop with that terrible silence and talk?" Harry said after they had been sitting on the couch in silence, their pizzas were long digested in their stomaches.

"Yes. Of course." Louis said quickly sitting up straight.

"Can we-" Harry started and licked his lips nervously. "Can we maybe go to the library?" He asked quietly. The living room reminded him of the day Louis had thrown him out and he really didn't want to have that important talk here, he rather wanted to be in his safe environment.

Without saying anything Louis got up and extended his hand out for Harry to take. Together they walked upstairs and got comfortable in the secured four walls of the cozy room. Louis put on the fireplace, the flames were flickering over the room in a calming manner.

"What do you want to talk about first?" Louis started turning on his spot so he was sitting across Harry who turned towards him as well. Harry inhaled deeply, preparing himself to ask the question that was running through his head for however long, knowing he had to possibly expect a shattering answer to it.

"Did you and him-" He started slowly without looking at Louis, but his voice cracked. He cleared his throat fiddling with his fingers in his lap which were shaking in nervosity and fear. Louis knew what he was about to ask, he knew Harry and his insecurities too well.

"No we didn't." He said. Harry's head perked up and he searched for his eyes. "I was about to, but I didn't. I couldn't. I told you several times that you are the only one I want and that didn't change." He said truthfully.

"Oh." Harry blushed and averted his eyes again. "What happened?" He asked quietly.

Louis sighed. "I realised that I didn't want him, that I wanted you. That I needed you. I had a fucking mental breakdown, I destroyed my office 'cause I couldn't deal with losing you...I was overstrained and so angry...and hurt. I felt like everything was slipping out of my hands and I can't deal with losing control as you know..." Louis trailed off. Harry sensed that there was something Louis didn't want to tell him. He remembered that Zayn had asked him if he knew anything about Louis' past and he guessed that it had something to do with it.

"Why did you freak out so much? I mean...I know we weren't together and all, but you reacted like your whole world came crashing down. Was my betrayal the only reason?" Harry dared to ask.

"You didn't betray me, Harry." Louis immediately said shaking his head.

"You know what I mean." Harry replied.

Louis took a deep breath. He had to tell him, he didn't want to keep anything from Harry and he couldn't lie to him. He deserved to know the reason for his actions, for his behaviour and why he was who he was, but he wasn't ready and he didn't know if he would ever be.

"No. You weren't the only reason." He said eventually, his voice was trembling. He swallowed hardly and blinked the tears away quickly. "There is something else. Something I need to tell you so you can understand why I am how and who I am. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, though. I have never talked about it to anyone, not even Zayn knows about it. Please, I'm sorry, but...I just can't yet. Please give me time and I will tell you eventually, I promise, but please understand." Louis pleaded with big glassy eyes.

Harry sat up straight and took Louis' hands in his own quickly. "Hey, I understand. You don't have to tell me. Not now, not ever. Not if you don't want to. Take all the time you need. If you're ready just let me know and then we can talk about it, or not. It's completely up to you."

"Thank you, Harry. Thanks for understanding." Louis breathed out relieved.

"Of course! You don't have to thank me." Harry smiled and squeezed his hands. Louis looked down at them and slowly intertwined their fingers.