Help me. | l.s. (mpreg) [Book 1]

44

The silence in the hospital room was unbearable and the tension that was lingering in the air was even worse. Harry was sitting on the bed holding Charlie in his arm- who was sleeping peacefully- staring down at him. Louis was sitting on the chair on the opposite wall answering some mails on his phone, not able to look at his son.

Harry knew that Louis needed time and he would never hold it against him, but the fear of him changing his mind again was still there and he guessed it wouldn't be easy to let go of that. He saw how hard Louis was trying, but he also saw the inner struggle and even though Louis was probably the strongest person he knew, he feared he wouldn't be strong enough for this fight after everything he had to go through.

"Lou..." Harry whispered after a while. Louis' head shot up from where he was looking at his phone. "I can ask Niall to pick me up. You can...if it's too much you can leave. I wouldn't be mad." Harry said quietly.

"No, I won't leave." Louis said quickly. He glanced at Charlie before his eyes snapped up to Harry again. "I just...give me some time, please. I have to get used to it and..." He searched for the right words, but frowned when he couldn't seem to find them. He sighed and started a new attempt. "I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and then we will focus on my fears and how I handle all of this, I already sent her a text. We will work on that the next few times and then I will be better, I promise."

Harry shook his head with furrowed eyebrows.

"Lou, I don't want any promises from you or expect you to be better. I told you I give you the time you need and I meant it. I can only imagine what you're going through right now and honestly, I'm just happy that I haven't lost you and that you're still here even though I would've understood if you would've left. I would never pressure you into anything, baby. I don't want you to do this for me or for him, you do this for yourself and you don't have to prove anything. I just want you to be happy and no matter what you need to do I will support you."

"Do you have any idea how much I love you, Harry?" Louis asked seriously. Harry chuckled slightly. "No, I'm serious. Do you know how much strength someone must have to go through this with their partner and having the patience you have with me? You risk getting hurt or getting disappointed by me but you're still keeping up with me without batting an eyelid. And not only that, you've been keeping up with me for almost one and a half years now when everyone else would've already left. You have no idea how much I appreciate that about you and how much respect I have for you, Harry. And you definitely have no idea how much I fucking love you."

"I would do anything for you, Louis. For real. I would sail to the end of the world for you." Harry said with a thick voice. The words Louis had just told him made him emotional all over again. It was rare that Louis spoke about his feelings or deep shit but everytime he did there was so much honesty and sincerity in his voice that Harry knew everything he said was the truth.

"I know and that's what scares me a bit." Louis chuckled.

"Well..." Harry shrugged grinning. "I love you too. We will get through this, okay?" He said softer now.

"We will." Louis smiled.

After another half an hour they were finally good to leave the hospital. The ride home was filled with more silence and to say both men were anxious was an understatement. They had no idea what to expect when they were at home and how everything would turn out, but there was no chance to find out other than to wait and see.

"You ready?" Louis asked as they exited the car and stood in front of their house. He was carrying Charlie in his baby seat because Harry wasn't allowed to lift anything. Louis wasn't really comfortable carrying him- in fact he was close to freaking out- but somehow he managed, well at least as long as he didn't look at him. He was glad that he was still on a high because he hadn't lost Harry and that kept him from overthinking his decision but he already feared what would happen tonight- or whenever that high vanished- and he started to realise what his life looked like from now on.