Eleven Years

CHAPTER 16

11th STREET MAILBOX
14 YEARS AGO

Dear Rosie,

Two months baby, two months and I can't help but to cry at night because there is nothing...there is nothing left for me to do.

We saw each other for one night and we made love and I thought we will see each other again but I was wrong. You gave yourself to me and I gave mine to you, for the first time....for the first time in forever. That night was incredible, it has so much emotions that I can't just let go easily. Sixty days, sixty damn days without you...it feels like decades. You eased my blue for one night but you add a different one after it.

Why? Rosie! Why?
Where are you now? Please....

I really hope you will open your mailbox today. I've been writing letters every day just for YOU! Tell me...please... I'm begging.

For the past two months, my father has finally decided to bring me to New York and to study there for college. I want to stay here in Philly but he won't allow me. Please, if you're here you can change my dad's mind, I need you Rosie. We will be there for each other's, right? It feels like you're erasing that in your mind. If you let me know where are you now then I'll come to you! I wanna see you..
.
Your aunt Morgan's cafe has been closed for months and months now. Is she with you? I can't telephone her too.

The last time I came to your house was so painful because I kept waiting there but even a shadow of you was nowhere to be found. All of my letters are still there in your mailbox, I'm hoping that maybe tomorrow or the next day you will finally read them. I'm afraid that we'll end without a proper communication. I'm afraid to lose you just like this. It's killing me!

I can't leave Philadelphia being like this. There's so much pain in my heart and no matter what I do, it never stops. My heart keeps beating for you...only for you baby.

Rosie, my brother Jake was so mad at me. He punched me so damn hard but I never punch him back. I don't have the strength or power anymore... I'm so weak. I can't even hear my mom's voice because it's your own voice who's stuck in my ears. I'm losing my mind because of you.

I will leave Philadelphia tomorrow, late afternoon. So, sad to say, this would be my last letter... I'm crying now. My eyes are like rain, it's a storm, a hurricane, a disaster.

Somehow, our last night together in my room was the only moment I will remember for now because when I think about our past days together.... they kill me...deep inside. They all reminds me that after those happiness is a blue that can't be heal anymore. You're the only one who can heal me. Only you.

I'm too lonely to be happy.

I'm too unsure to be well enough again.

It's too painful to forget. I don't want to forget.

You can come to the airport, I will be standing there, I will wait for you. For your kiss and goodbye. Even if there's no chance that you will be there. I will keep waiting, I'll keep my feet on the ground.

For you. For "us".

Philadelphia defines you, and now it's time to spend my one last night here. New York is waving at me, but my heart will always be here. Forever stuck in here. In you.

'I will do everything to make you smile, laugh and worth it. Remember that Rosie. Bye for now.'


Love,

Jared