Eleven Years

CHAPTER 25

SADIE


He married Rosie.


Should I say Jared loved and kept loving Rosie. I had to be angry but there was no ferociousness that came out in my mouth. It was not a surprise anymore. I knew that this would come. Finally, it was here. The truth was standing next to me.
"I have to go now", I said silently.


Jared covered the white cloth back again to the picture frame. He nodded and came back to himself. The strong, captivating and serious one, but in his eyes, it was all about the differences of it.

We left the mansion with no voices came out in our mouths. We were silent the whole time and I reckoned that it was easier to mute my thoughts rather than to make them alive by speaking.

The sun finally faded and the sound of evening noises were the only thing I heard. I ran my fingers to my shoulders and crossed my legs. The view were only trees and trees and trees. No buildings, no shops, no other cars just nature and I wished it was still early because it hurt me that everything I could see was in dim light.

I never asked Jared of where we were heading at. My trust for him remained in average, I couldn't question him as I felt his tears rushing down in him intangibly.

It was when the trees slowly disappeared in my eyes and he stopped the car. Parked it in the curved cliff road. He got out of the car first and I did the same. There was nothing but the whole Philadelphia in my naked eyes.

"Wow", I gasped.

No one could define this beauty. I felt like my smile became wider and wider. The whole city seemed like fireflies, every light shone brighter and fascinating. I opened my phone and took a picture of what was in front of me. The city felt like closer but truth be told, it was far away. As I put down my phone, I realized something, that everything might be captivating even though they were far away. I was far away from Nebraska, far away from my aunt and far away from this man whom I thought would love me back.

"My father died here", he confessed out of nowhere. His voice broke but still steady.

I was just smiling earlier but now it turned to blue. So, we were at this specific place for a reason, for a heart-wrenching reason.

"After losing my fucking biological dad. Troye Boston, he became the father who treated me like I was his child, his own flesh and blood and his own son. He was the father that I needed, he gave and showed me everything about life, about fortune, about people and about loving someone. When he died, the police found a locket in his right hand, inside of it was the picture of my mom and him. It turned out to be hid gift for their wedding anniversary. My mom was mad with fate, with her destiny and with the world. He was an extraordinary man. He will always be remembered. Always"

His voice broke into aching pieces. I tried not to attach myself with his story but unfortunately it went straight to my heart. It hit me like a gun.

"I just wish he's still alive", his knees fell down and when I was about to touch him ... he stopped me,
"I'm okay"

Well, he wasn't. Not in his face, not in his eyes and not in his heart.

I moved a little far away from him, "I hate to see you being like that"

His blurry turquoise eyes observed me, "And I really hate myself being like this"

When he said those words, I shut my eyes. This man had been through a challenging disaster. I remembered the night when he came to the house, when he was drunk and he was crying and mumbling that the pain was still in him. Maybe this was the pain he was talking about. That feeling when you were longing for someone but there was no other way for you to hug them or even touch them, because they were gone and even if the sun lost its shine, still, they were gone.

With that moment, I thought about my biological parents. How are they up there?

"Fuck this shit", Jared stood up and jumped for a second. There was dust in his knees and he slipped them all away just like how he grinned suddenly like his breaking down was just a fictional thing.


"Are you ready to see my wife tomorrow?"

His question frightened me. I cleared my throat and faced him eye to eye.

"Why are you showing me these secluded parts of you Jared?"

He chuckled for a bit, "because they aren't painful anymore"

"But you broke down, seconds ago", I contradicted him.

"But it was different than before, years ago", he admitted, "you know what's painful right now Sadie?"

I leaned my body to his car and answered, "what?"
He walked towards me and held my freezing hands and whispered, "you leaving me".




It was 7:00PM when he decided to get back to the city and I agreed because I needed to rest my body, my heart and all these things that were bothering me.

I almost lose myself when he said that the painful part right now was me leaving him. A naked truth, I had to leave him. I had to.

"A thirty-minute drive, quite long. What's your favorite song Sadie?"

He glanced at me and casually waited for my answer.

"I love Coldplay", I said.

"I love 'em too, they're amazing"

He grinned at me, I hoped he wasn't faking it at all. He then placed his right palm on my lap. He slowly drew a shape heart by using his finger. I could feel my veins rushing out of me, that sensation, that tingling, that feeling.

I missed him so much, I wanted him again but this time, it would be impossible anymore.

"I love the moon", he said out of nowhere and I took a moment to see it, wow, Luna had never failed to amaze me.

Yes, it was bright, full, and just shining. Luckily, the clouds weren't bothering the stunning sky tonight. I loved staring at the moon and thought about things in my past, that was like a routine for me before but not anymore. He was staring at the moon too, but I was staring at him.

Oh God ...

He turned off the air conditioner in his Rolls Royce and pushed a button to let the windows down. And all at once, it was the nature's wind blowing in my face. It wasn't cold, it was just relaxing. Enough ... cool enough for me.

"What's your favorite color Sadie?", he asked. I thought for a while and this color just went through my mind. This color reminded me so much, and right now I saw it ... in Luna's, in a mind-blowing moon.

"Yellow", I said.

"Mine is blue, but for now ...", he pulled his phone out of his pocket and I watched him turning the speaker on, "it's Yellow"


Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all yellow


Jared was hoping for me to sing along with him, I noticed it as he raised his eyebrow and beamed at me. This was the first time I heard him sing! His voice sounded so good, he was talented, I agreed to it.


I came along
I wrote a song for you
And all the things you do
And it was called Yellow


I chewed my lower lip and just watched him singing. For a second, he closed his eyes, then opened them and placed them into mine. 'Turquoise, please drown in me', I thought.,


So then I took my turn
Oh, what a thing to have done
And it was all yellow


I could sleep forever with his voice. This man had everything. As he turned the direction of the car on the right side, my other hand quickly floated in freedom as I placed it outside the window. The moment just carried away with the beautiful song.


Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones
(Ooh) turn into something beautiful
(Aah) you know, you know I love you so
You know I love you so


With that lyric, 'you know I love you so', I stared him because it was true. It was really, definitely, completely true.
I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh, what a thing to do
'Cause you were all yellow


I was with him. He was with me. I swam in every ocean just to ease my pain little did I knew that the man with these oceanic eyes in a cafe would captivate and break my heart.


I drew a line
I drew a line for you
Oh, what a thing to do
And it was all yellow


There was a line, boundaries that made my life really uneasy towards him. He was married, I needed that thought to fade but it was the reality and somehow realities couldn't go ... no matter how we put them into the point of lies.


Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones
(Ooh) turn into something beautiful
(Aah) and you know
For you, I'd bleed myself dry


It felt that the universe stopped when we sang the lyric 'for you, I'd bleed myself dry' ....
I felt the moon was the spotlight for us, as the car drove by, as the seconds passed by, I didn't notice my tears. Oh God, they were falling. They were ... falling.

It's true

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for-

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine ...

I shone for everything I'd been through but with the most necessary thing, I got rusted. I yearned to shine for him, with all the love that I had to offer for him and I was hoping for the same return but I knew he already shone for her ... for Rosie.

He noticed my tears but he didn't say anything. I guessed this was the impact of one specific song, it could shatter you. I let my tears fell down, they needed to be done. His hand was on my lap again, rubbing it. Even though he didn't say a word, I knew he cared, he really did.

As the music started to get low, the outro of the song just made his voice even soulful. He grabbed my hand, placed his palm on it, secured it and sang:

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And all the things that you do

The song ended. I couldn't believe it happened … it was unbelievable. I'd never done this anymore, playing a song in a car and cried all I want. This was something I needed, I guessed we all need such time to listen to a single song and burst into tears. We all need this type of moment, the sincerity it brings and the mark it would reflect into our lives.

"Sadie, the world is shining for you. You’ve been through a lot in pain, rejections, failures but those will never define you because you are more than those. With all the things you do, you are more than worth it because you ... are ... yellow"


I sobbed so bad as I heard his message to me. For the first time, it wasn't the tears of pain, it was the tears of happiness that I got to find a man like Jared Boston. I found him when I thought I could actually have him ...



Now, this song would always remind me of him and this enchanting night.

He kept driving the car while we were holding each other's hands. I never saw this moment as a mistake nor a sin, this was just a memory. An incredible memory with Coldplay's Yellow in a background, I would remember this as long as I live.

"Jared"

"Sadie?"

He focused on me.


"What's your favorite Coldplay's song?", I asked and I observed him grinning as if his pain was gone, just vanished.


"Let's say it together", I added.


We counted:


One


Two


Three




"Yellow"