Eleven Years

CHAPTER 23

SADIE


MISS Morgan telephoned me for minutes. It was the worst phone call I had ever experienced. She surrendered the 'Dale Cafe' and still in doubt when to come back in the city. She explained that there was no other way for her to open a cafe, she would rather focus her attention to her daughter. I never knew she had a daughter but deep inside it made me better that she was doing everything for her daughter. I asked her daughter's name but she couldn't mention it and said it wasn't necessary for me to know her privacy. These days became a little mysterious towards Miss Morgan, the way she called me was way too nonchalant. I felt like she wasn't in the mood to exchange such details with me and the way she spoke my name felt like a fire that she couldn't blow easily. She ended the phone call with a quick goodbye. I covered my face with my palm and just wrinkled my nose.

Mornings and nights had passed. I watched the hours slipped away and made myself comfortable as I learned to cope up with so much uncertainty in my head. Unfortunately, I didn't get any job outside but Paul helped me to work online. It was a huge help for me, Paul was extremely good, he insisted on paying my apartment and even sent money for my groceries. I felt the assurance that I had never experienced in Daniel. To think about him was way too different now, he was happy above the trees I guessed but Paul was way too kind than him. Now my aunt was settled in Atlanta for good, she and Paul even asked me to move there and start a new beginning. It turned out that Paul's hometown was Atlanta. I knew that was a big opportunity to have and I knew that they were surprised when I said 'no'.

Yes, I said 'no' to them. But they never pressure me at all. The only thing that made me wanted to stay here in Philly was about this man... it had been three weeks and this man still stuck in my restless mind.

I heard my phone alarmed, it was 5:00PM and the sun started to fade. I couldn't believe that my whole day felt like one hour, time flies so swiftly and sometimes it felt raw.

I opened my window and the fresh air faced me. The noises outside were not deafening to me anymore, I felt normal towards it. This was life, it was about cars, people and businesses that meant to be respected and loved.

Three soft knocks were made on my door. I slowly unlock it and saw a woman standing with her elated face.

"Ma'am, someone is waiting for you in the entrance gate", she said.

"Who?"
"One of the owners of the biggest real estate companies in Philly, Mister Boston"

I dropped my jaw all of a sudden. The woman just smiled at me and I left stoked. Oh God, I hadn't seen him for a while now. What should I do?

I went briskly to my little wardrobe and decided to wear a simple pale ivory shirt and black pants. My heart was beating again, faster and pounding. What does he want from me?



Jared wore a white shirt, a navy-blue pants together with his white shoes. The wind made an entrance for me to see him. He leaned on his Rolls Royce and stood straight as he saw me. Nothing but truly a diamond than other men couldn't defeat with.

I shifted my eyes from left to right, doubting if I should move my feet towards him but I did anyway. His scent transported me back to his arms and chest just like the first I gave myself to him. He managed to clear his throat and spoke.

"Sadie"

It was authentic, filled with sincerity and sorry. Little did he know that I died every second just to hear that voice.

"Leave me alone", I said silently but I didn't mean that at all.

He shook his head and took a deep breath, "I could just leave, you know. But deep inside I can't, there's something wrong with me and I know you're the only one who can make it right"

He positioned his arm to hold me but I stopped him, "you are married. I don't want to interfere anymore. I don't want your wife to come for me and slap my face or even kill me. Three weeks, I'm trying to move on but here you are, bothering me again - "

"Just don't move on", he begged, "come with me"

It was ridiculous how his word 'come with me' always brought out the urge in me. This had always been the problem. He always manipulated my mind and control what he wanted to control in me.

I asked him where but he didn't say anything.

"Do you still trust me Sadie?"

Does my mind still trust him? No

Does my heart still trust him? Yes

I pressed my lips and pouted, "are you kidnapping me?"

He chuckled for a bit, "you're worth kidnapping for"

I blushed. He saw it. I looked away but he was catching my gaze. He opened the car for me and I had only two options: to run away or to enter. He waited for seconds until I lift my foot and the rest made him smile.

The road was empty as I faced it in the rearview mirror. No traffic noises just a smooth ride where everything felt easy and comfortable. The sun started to fade and I was quite scared of what would happen. Well, not really that scared because ... in my heart, when I'm with him, I feel nothing but conviction.


He's married.


He's married.


He's married.

That thought kept haunting me and the worse made my mind challenged even more. I wondered who was this lucky woman who caged his heart, she must be the beautiful human being in Jared's eyes and the most important creature in his life. I had the point to be mad at him, well I was mad at him but somehow, he filled the madness into something magical and I didn't even know why it kept happening. I should be staying away but he kept coming back. Who am I to refuse? Who would've known that this would be the final moments for the two of us. What comes next will be unpredictable … I wasn't owning someone's husband, that was never my intention, never at first, never at the finale.


"My mind keeps bothering me about your wife. Who is she?"

It was just a minute of silence. But for the time that I had spent with him, that type of silence became a symbol of not wanting to exchange words. I would truly understand, even if he thought I would truly misunderstood by the way it could affect me as a woman and as an individual who was eleven years younger than him.

He caught his breath and made the most artificial grin in his moment, "I'm not going to tell you"

I paused again, there he was with this pride, controlling the situation and hurting me without even using those painful words.


"I'm going to show you", he added and drove without any hesitations. I pressed my palms together and let him take me wherever he wanted.

Wherever ...

*

Gigantic and exquisite.

Those were the only words I had mentioned when my feet stuck in the entrance of their mansion. That feeling of diverse reminded me that life is filled with privilege and unprivileged but the only difference between the two came from the satisfaction of the people and how much that satisfaction could blend them, break their limitations and beat what they've already done.

When my eyes met with tugging, all I had thought was being a failure and stayed that position for as long as people believed that I was actually one.

Just like this huge mansion, I had never seen anything like this before nor making an entrance to whole luckiest owners. Jared and I passed their enormous living room where there were captivating picture frames that caught my unsteady attention.

Images of different people in uniforms, in a city, in a farm lot, just a whole thing that had been mixed. When you stare at it closely, you will realize that life is a highway and each road has overcome so much life accidents, some survived and some just went with it differently.

There was a woman who sat gracefully in a gingham dress and a man whose smile was ultimate and filled with ... love.

"My stepfather's parents", Jared muttered suddenly.

"Stepfather?"

Jared explained to me that her mother remarried when he was ten. His biological father, Ben Walter, was abusive and threatening that made his life and her mom in full tragic. The death of Ben Walter faded in his eyes. He couldn't be grateful nor thankful that he became his father. It was the death that he and her mother had never shed any tear, they didn't come to the funeral, they didn't showed up but Jared knew that it was painful for her mom. She loved the man so much with all her heart but it was time to let go and forget. Ben Walter's existence was way too absurd for Jared and a single sentence about him made his voice cracked.

"You don't have to continue Jared - "

"I want to", he insisted.

The world that turned for him after her father's death was the best he could ever imagined. Her mother met Troye Boston, one of the millionaires in Philadelphia back then. A charming man who made her mother see the universe again. Troye was the best father he could ever prayed for but life with him in the beginning was never easy. Troye's only son, Jake Boston, five years older than him, was someone whose ego turned into a dim light. There was no brotherhood that existed in them, it was a competition. Troye had seen the son he was looking for in Jared and not in his own flesh and blood, Jake. It was the life between jealousy and love, both had different taste until they paid the price for it. Troye Boston died but Jared stopped speaking and I knew the reason why.

"It's okay", I didn't touch him nor show any sympathy in front of his face. It was not something he needed.

We passed the whole living room and went to the spiral staircase where it led us to the second floor. The mansion was empty, there were no people. I asked Jared if Miss Emily was here but he said that she went to the city to catch up with her friends. I almost asked for Jake but I didn't anyway.

He showed me his bedroom where he spent his teenage years writing letters, playing music, sleeping, crying, overthinking and breathing. It was not a huge bedroom compared to his apartment, the walls had posters, tennis stuffs, letter stamps, vinyl and guitar, typical teenager's room but the way he spoke about his memories in this specific space, it became massive not in literal but the way it meant to be in his younger version and until now.

He didn't enter to his old bedroom, he just stared at it as if it was just an old friend to him but in his eyes it hit different. I didn't see it, I felt it.
"I will show you something important", he uttered, fixing his voice and headed to the next room.

He turned the doorknob and the room was opened. Empty room, literally empty but the standing solid object that covered with white cloth caught my eyes. It seemed a mirror, a painting or a big picture frame, I was a little curious.

Jared stood pressing his lips and didn't mention anything. He slowly went to the center and grabbed the white cloth and pulled it off. Dust went everywhere but I never cared, my eyes glued to the huge standing object. It was a picture frame, but a lifeless one.

Jared shut his eyes, he didn't look, he didn't move, he was just standing like a ghost.

The picture frame was romantic but not in my attention. It was a couple with their formal wedding attire. They looked happy and contented like the best stars in the night sky aligned for the both of them. Their smiles were real, but it hit me bitterly. They held each other's hands, tightly. 

I knew them, both of them.

"You're married", I tried to smile, tried to process in my mind that he was actually married to someone else .... someone who left him.
He didn't move, he wanted to speak but as he opened his mouth, he shut it.

"What happened to her?"

My question made him looked at me as if he was undressing my whole mind. He was catching his breath but couldn't find any possible way to catch it easily. He was composing a sentence but couldn't even conclude for once.

I wanted his answer, complete and sure-enough. Fast, as if I wasn't good at waiting anymore. I frowned and nodded. If I would mention her name, maybe his mouth might speak even just for a second.
I took a deep breath, a breath that was odd and ugly. My palms were wet, I rubbed them to my lap and just remained in my sanity.



The moment was way too silent and absurd not until I asked him the same torturous question:


"What happened to Rosie?"