Eleven Years

CHAPTER 24

11th STREET MAILBOX
12 YEARS AGO


Dear Rosie,

I have no idea how to begin this. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I'm burning.

My father died.

My whole life feels like dying too. I want to jump in a cold water, drown myself and just disappear.

He died in a car accident, in the road where you can see the whole Philadelphia shining like Christmas lights at night. He died there, with a locket in his hand, a locket that was made for their wedding anniversary. The fate is crucial, definitely a bitch.
I lost my biological father whom I never treated as a father and now I lost someone who treated me as a soulful son. This isn't life, I don't know what it is right now.

Did you know that my last conversation with him was all about you? I told my father that I'm going to marry you! His eyes went blurry, I saw my father cried but he hugged me and said that he was proud of me. In that moment, I was sure that life was good not until the end called him.

AND YOU! You're breaking my heart too! I don't know how many times you're abandoning me but I'm not counting it as I'm truly in love with you Rosie.

WHY CAN'T YOU REMEMBER ME ANYMORE? I have done nothing but loving you every single second of my life, isn't that enough?

Miss Morgan told me that you went to the psych last week. She told me that you have psychosis and I don't believe it. I AM NOT GOING TO BELIEVE IT. You're on your twenties, you're too young for that shit ... you're too young Rosie, we're too young to live like this.

When I held your hand the last time, I saw you was terrible. You were quite afraid of me and I didn't even know why. I never wanted for you to act like that and I'm hoping that you will get the proper treatment. I will help you even though it's hard to believe that you're suffering. I will be there, I will always be here ... I will be here as your friend, companion, lover and soon to be husband.

I don't want to waste any time. In honor of my father, I will marry you. For one thing for sure, he would be even prouder of me if I put a ring on your finger.

Right now, I can't process anything yet. I'm mourning, devasted, trying to smile in front of my relatives even though deep inside I'm breaking down. My mother is in her bedroom, locked the door and  don't want to face the reality. I'm worried about her, it feels like I'm scared of what's gonna happen to her than what's gonna happen to me.

Jake is here too, in his room. I can't look at him, it's way too painful. The last thing my father wanted me to do was to make everything peaceful towards Jake. Well, it's quite awful. It feels like he's going to take away all the fortune and just left me with my mom ... nothing ... nothing but our own clothes.

I just hope that you're here, holding my hands, kissing me to ease the pain but I know you're struggling too. Miss Morgan will read this letter for you and please listen to these words carefully ... "I love you"

Life is way too roller coaster for you to forget me.
I'm not allowing you to forget me Rosie.

You're too one of a kind to compare to other people.
I'll see you again soon. For now, I'll just cry myself to sleep baby.

'I will do everything to make you smile, laugh and worth it. Remember that Rosie. Bye for now.'

One last thing, correction, it's not a thing, it's a once in a lifetime gift:

"Will you marry me?"

Love,

Jared