Eleven Years

CHAPTER 30

JARED

"Goodbye, my love"

Three last words. Three last breaths. Three last blinks.

I heard the door shut and it felt like my heart did the same. It was all confusing where to head now. I thought about grabbing a water or a whiskey to ease this shit. I thought about leaning and cry again. I thought about calling Jake. I thought about screaming and growling. I thought about regretting. I thought about 'us', Sadie and I.

My feet glued to the floor, standing as if my whole life depended if I move or just stay here. I had to compose myself but I couldn't, I don't have the force anymore ...

When I kissed her for one last time, I never thought about it as the last time. That kiss was powerful and all I could do was to reminiscence it ... always and forever.

I chose her, I chose Sadie. When Jake asked me whom I love the most ... it's Sadie. I love her the most and that was the reason why I had to let her go. The journey of her life was way too long and I could ruin it in a way that could ruin the two of us. I love her and I wanted to see her succeeding, to see her being happy with no doubt attached, to see her living for the better, and to hope that nothing such as failure could remorse her anymore. I love her to death, even if it would be a sin for Rosie ... I'm still loving Sadie to death.



The telephone rang. It was mom.

"Mom?"

"Jared, you sound different, what's going on my dear?"

"It's just, umm ... work", I lied.
"Well, I'd like to visit your wife this weekend. I miss Rosie and it's been a long time, are you coming with me?"

"Yes", I sighed, "I will mom"

"It feels like it's not about work, is it about her?"
I chewed my lower lip and managed not to break down again, "who?"

"Her", I heard her chuckle, "that beautiful girl who look like your wife. She's Sadie, right?"

"Mom, I have to go - "

"I know you Jared. I know you very well, my dear. I'm not going to say anything but I hope you'll feel better, maybe not today but soon. Love is really something problematic, isn't it? We can’t keep the people we love even though we have the whole strength to fight for them, still, we can’t keep them. I had all the strength for your father but what happened? I lost him without even using an amount of it. I watched you suffered, I watched you bled, I heard you screamed, I saw you dying and please don’t do it again this time, you’ll take away the best of me if you lose yourself"

"Mom, please -"

"I'll stop now, but I need you for a coffee tomorrow. Let's talk about it, only if, you still want to talk about it"

"Let's see what happens Mom, love you"

"Love you more, my dear"

I put the telephone down and rubbed my eyes. I miss my mom ... I know it sounds childish, but I need a mom right now.

*

4:00 PM.

Jake entered my apartment with his undoubtedly vision. Brought bottles of whiskey and studied what had happened earlier.
"You let her go", his tone was just the same as a brother who knew what really mattered the most.

"I did Jake"

"Why? You don't love her?"

"No", my voice went tender, "I love her too much and I had to do it ... and I fucking did"

Not a second was wasted when I felt Jake's arms had circled all over my shoulders. As a matter of fact, that I need a mom, I think I need a brother too. A brother like him.

"You did it, Jared. You did it. You're so brave man"

Jake tapped my back and grinned at me. He opened one of the bottles of whiskey, the Kinsey Bourbon. I stood like I couldn't move and I let Jake did all the preparation. Minute later, he raised his eyebrow with two old-fashioned glasses.

"I hate hangovers", I chuckled.

"But you love drinking. I reckon you have to limit yourself, well, not this moment". He placed the glasses on the marble table and I realized we weren't going to drink on the ground anymore. The idleness in my mind had come to sense when I let the liquor ingest in my body.

"I heard her flight would be this 6:30 in the evening ... to Atlanta", Jake mentioned out of nowhere

My heart burned as I heard the word 'Atlanta'.

"Where'd you got that news?"

"One of my best friends, Hugh Collins, works in the airline and he thought he saw your wife. I explained that it wasn't Rosie and he looked at the passport ... it was Sadie"

A sudden happiness but an anticipated hurt had come to my veins. Jake stared at me and observed what I was about to react and say.

"6:30", I mumbled

"The night sky would be visible by that Jared. For now, before I'll get back to Pittsburgh - "

"You're leaving?"

Jake sighed, "I have to, you know kids, wife, work and everything. Are you heading to the company tomorrow? Cole is quite bossy, that's what they say"

"No", I simply answered, “I let Cole takeover maybe for weeks”

I was glad that Jake didn't ask for more because I had to regain what I'd lost since she let go of me as much as I did the same to her. I promised my mom to have a coffee with her, and that was what I am looking forward to. A sincere moment with my mom.

"I will never forget these days Jared", I heard Jake's deep voice, "We treated each other in a way that our father wanted and I just hope this would never change. I wish he’s here watching us", he collapsed his head on the couch's surface and went back facing me with his eyes that kept stopping him from breaking down.

"It's okay to cry", I admitted, "we'll continue this bond as long as we live, you're my brother, right?"

"Not in flesh and blood but in soul, Jared. We're brothers in soul and I couldn't ask for more"

He raised his glass of whiskey and I did the same.
"Cheers to our brotherhood Jared and cheers to her"

"Her?", I acted as if I didn't know what he was talking about

"The woman who let you go and whom you let go too"

Jake and I just shook our heads and started talking about different things but mainly focused about Sadie. I remained my mouth shut but I couldn't help but to clearly spoke what I felt towards everything that happened today. About her reading my letters, about her asking to kiss me, about her burying her face in my chest, about her standing, about her leaving and about us letting go with each other. It was all about her ... it was all about Sadie Wynn.


*


I heard Jake slamming the door with his double vision but sober mind. He told me that he texted his driver to pick him up because as far as I was concerned, he couldn't even move his arms perfectly on the steering wheel.

The clock on the top of the bookshelf turned to 6:20 ... I felt my head was about to drop but I knew I had to watch the sky. To watch her leaving in the night sky.

I decided to turned off the lights in my living room and there was nothing obvious than the pitch black that covered the whole space. From left to right, there was nothing but darkness and silence. I saw my reflection on the glass window, myself mirroring what I'd become as a young boy before, as a man, and as a lover.

My eyes kept glancing on the clock, 6:30 ... fuck. I grabbed my shot glass and poured some whiskey. Good enough for me to witness her soaring in the sky.

The whole city was electrified with so much tiny bulbs but in reality, it was more than that.

"Philadelphia", I mentioned in the dead air.

My phone slightly vibrated and it was Jake, he texted me something about his new playlist on Spotify and maybe I wanted such silence to bury me tonight ... but I think I need one thing that makes me feel alive ... music.

His playlist titled 'King'. I wondered why it was like that but there was a description on it, “you’re a king, you won your battle, long live the king”.  He texted me again to play the first song and I did. As I pressed that button, the intro of the song sent me in an electrifying mystification. It was a song that could send me to a diverse planet and the band who played it was way too special for me and for ... her.

I glanced on my phone again and beamed, 'Viva La Vida' by Coldplay




The tiny figure of an airplane had slowly reaching the sky. I held my breath and focused to the iconic movement of it. She was there inside, I reminded myself. Luna had shown up and its soldiers kept twinkling. It wasn't just a scene … it was the moment. My eyes dallied to it but then I had to feel it too, so I reminisced a lot of her.



Sadie ... she pressed her feet in my ground and no matter how cold it was, she pressed it warmly and steady. Her face lit up as I met her in my birthday, I thought I was going to be dead forever ... but she made the unexpected.

When I looked into her eyes, I could see a wave of determination, glass filled of dreams, bags of patience, pocket of enthusiasm, and endless love. Those eyes were valuable, and I swore to God that I could kill anyone who would dare to turn them into rain.

I remembered her being in my arms, how we twisted in bedsheets as we nourished the sensation we felt, how our kisses determined the optimism and how she gave me her everything. It was all about love, not for fun, it was all about love.

My love for her would breathe in a drowning storm. My dreams for her could sail in each ocean of this world and my prayers for her would remain sacred as for tomorrow and evermore.

Meeting her was the best. Being with her was out of this world. Loving her was never chaotic. Letting her go was never a choice, it was all about my undying vision for her and nothing could ruin that.

Eleven years older and eleven years younger but that gap was never a thing, I realized it never had been.


I went back to the reality and I saw the light of the airplane slowly fading in the night sky. As the cloud covered it, I couldn't help but to smile. Sadie is free, she's free.

"My love"


In eleven years, things would change and to see her again ... that would be the best part.



I could wait for eleven years ...

I can wait for eleven more.