Eleven Years

CHAPTER 18

11th STREET MAILBOX
13 YEARS AGO

Dear Rosie,

It's been a damn year. One painful year since I left Philly and without any trace of you had come to wave me goodbye. You didn't know how torturing that was, honestly, it's still torturing me. Deep inside.

It's been a year also that I stopped writing but I never stopped looking for you. Well, you're back in Philadelphia now, that's what my driver there said. He mentioned that you're just sitting in your front porch, alone, not going to college, and sad. I want to know what happened to you and to your family. If you write me back, then it would one of the greatest things I've ever needed in my life. Your handwriting, your calligraphy and your thoughts.

A year here in New York has changed me a lot and I can't mention them one by one. I cried every night during my first month here and it was a horror that there was nobody to help me, there was my family but I realized that it was you I needed.

My dad comes here for like once in two months, sometimes he brings Jake and I was glad when he didn't do it anymore. My relationship with my brother is so different just like what we've had last year. It's not my fault that dad loves me more than him. It's not my fault that I got the opportunity to study here, Jake's eyes were empty as he looked at me. He can't celebrate such a thing for me and maybe that's why I can do the same shit with him.

There were a lot of girls trying to kiss, hug, and even want to have sex with me but all I said was no. It's only you Rosie who owns me, it's only your soul who knows me better than anybody else. In the middle of the night, I can't help but to imagine kissing and making love with you. Somehow, that imagination ease the pain but it never fades it.

I live in this apartment where the Empire State Building is facing me every damn morning and there are paper works on my table, coffee by my side, and you in my heart.
Rosie, I'm doing well at the university. I'm really doing well. You're one of my motivations, inspirations and reasons. Every time I take an exam, I always think of your face and with God's grace, everything would come to a successful result. You are an angel baby, truly an angel He sent for me.

I can't come home this Christmas, only if you will reply because what's the point of coming back to Philly without you. It would mean nothing … Christmas would be nothing.

There was one night when my mom telephoned me about 'us'. I couldn't answer her, I never said a word and she knew with that silence ... that our love had no communication but still it's speaking for me. Our love together keeps voicing so loud and deafening in me.

At the end of the day, I will never fall in love with somebody else.

You're too valuable to break.

Too special to erase.

And I'm too hopeful for you to come back in my arms someday.

'I will do everything to make you smile, laugh and worth it. Remember that Rosie. Bye for now.'


Love,

Jared