Hate Me Before You Love Me (BDSM/Mature)

Chapter 24. Rethinking the Divorce

Ken tried to scroll around some porn because Peter gave him an assignment. Peter told him that he wanted to know what Ken was interested in trying with him. That night was something special for Ken because he had never felt anything like that before. Peter is so nice and caring for him after that explosive sex too. The next day, Peter explained a lot about bdsm and the limit. Then he goes on with consent and other stuff. It was a little overwhelming for Ken. But Peter said that he would do whatever Ken wanted just to try out what his limits were.
Ken got jumpy as his son barged into his study room while he was playing some porn. He tried to close the tab as soon as possible, but he is pretty sure that Billy heard the moaning from the porn as he entered the room.
"Really, Dad? Porn? I thought you had a boyfriend.." Billy chuckled as he approached his dad.
"I'm doing some research.." Ken chuckled.
"Ew.. gross..TMI, Dad.." Billy shuddered.
Ken closed his laptop. "Billy, I need to seriously talk to you about something though.." 
"Yeah.. that's why I am here.." Billy smiled.
"I'm going to retire and let your sister run the company. And you will be her second in command." Ken smiled. 
"Why? You are still very young." Billy has a feeling his dad's sudden retirement has something to do with Peter.
"I want to come out. But I don't want to screw the company." Ken sighed.
"So it is about that useless man after all." Billy shook his head. He can't believe that his dad even considered this.
"Billy, I have lived with this burden all my life. Do you think I am happy living a lie like this? It's not about Peter at all. It's about.." Ken stopped. "I'm tired, kiddo.."
"So even if he broke it off with you, would you still come out to the world?" Billy pushed his dad to really think about this. He and his siblings will always support their dad coming out. Billy loves Ken more than anything in this world. But he doesn't want his dad to come out just because his new young boyfriend told him to do so. Billy knew Peter was different than other men that dated his father. Peter, for once, is a smart rich man. Not as rich as his father, but Peter is that weird rich tech guy that doesn't really like to have fancy stuff.
Ken had to think about it, and he probably wouldn't have considered it if Peter broke it off with him. But he wants to show the world that he is with Peter. "I would not have a strong reason to do it if he broke up with me. But I still want to come out at some point in my life. And I think Peter deserves more than a secret date with me.." Ken took a deep breath.
"Dad.. He barely got out of a marriage. You can't expect him to just dive back in with you. He's bisexual. He can date anyone in this world. You are just his rebound.." Billy kind of regretted what he said, but he said what he believed Peter did to his father.
Ken chuckled. He knew that Billy was right. "I know, buddy. We are just two lost souls that expect someone to love us exclusively. And I knew Peter would eventually come back to Alex. They are just.." Ken stopped for a moment to hold himself together. ".. perfect. Like a poster kid of a gay couple." Ken chuckled.
"I'm all about support for you if you want to come out. But, just make sure it's for the right reasons. Okay?" Billy came closer to his father and hugged him. "I love you, dad. And I hope you remember that no matter what, all three of us love you so much." He kissed his father's cheek.
Ken smiled. "I wish finding a boyfriend was as easy as finding kids, you know? It's just so easy with Carmen, Robyn, and you.."
Billy hugged his father once again and excused himself. He hated it when his father was in love with someone. He and his siblings knew that Ken was the best human being, but he kept getting the gold-digger shallow man as his boyfriend. Maybe if he finally came out, a real good man would date him. And Billy needs to have a long, serious talk with his siblings about Ken's intent to come out. Because while he knew his siblings would be as supportive as he is, they also worried about their father a lot more than he does.
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"Alex.. what are you doing here?" Peter got a little jumpy as Alex came to his bedroom while he was cleaning up the cuff from a few nights ago. It was the first time Peter missed Alex so badly.
"So, you did that with him too.." Alex thought that his heart could not be broken anymore. But he was wrong. Those cuffs were his cuffs, and that box was his toys with Peter.
"Well, if it helps, I thought about you when we did the scene.." Peter felt the pain again. He missed his sweet one.
"I came here to tell you that.." Alex stopped. This is hard for him. He found a place in LA for him. That means he will be away from his kids and Peter. "I'm moving out soon.."
"Oh.." Peter didn't expect that Alex was really going to disappear from his life too. They had been friends for more than a decade. Peter stood up and hugged Alex. "I'm sorry that we have to end our story this way.."
"You don't need to be sorry. I messed up everything by sleeping with Emma." Alex scoffed, but he could feel his tears running down his cheeks.
"I want to forgive you so badly. I just.." Peter pulled himself away a little and looked at Alex's beautiful face. "I can't.. yet.." Peter hated it when Alex cried. He instinctively kissed Alex's lips. Then he realized his stupidity. "Fuck.." He cursed his instinct for making him do that.
"It's okay. We've been friends for a long time. I just want to fix this somehow. I fucked up.." Alex sobbed. "Please.. hurt me. Do something bad. I don't want this to end. Please let me make it up to you.." Alex is full on crying now.
"Alex, we talked about this.. I'm sorry.." Peter really wanted to just tie Alex up and punish him. He missed Alex so much. He's heartbroken that Alex is not his sweet one anymore. Alex is so fragile now that he wants to take care of his sweet one. "I need to go see Ken. Look, please stay at least until the divorce is finalized. We haven't talked about the kids properly." Peter pushed out a smile and walked away.
Now Peter had to tell his real boyfriend that he kissed his ex-husband and that he was still in love with his ex-husband. Peter doesn't know if his relationship will still exist after he tells Ken what he feels. Maybe he doesn't really deserve happiness anyway. He drives to Ken's penthouse with a blank mind. He doesn't really know what Ken will think of his stupidity. He saw Ken staring at his laptop and thinking hard when he walked into the study. Peter sighed as he approached his boyfriend.
"Why is that sighed for?" Ken raised his eyebrows.
"We need to talk.." Peter smiled bitterly.
"Hey.. I am browsing some.. um..." Ken bites his lips. "Porn?" Ken grinned.
"Ken.. I'm.. I kissed Alex. I'm sorry.. I don't think I'm ready for this. You are amazing. But.." Peter shook his head. "I'm not over Alex and I'm not being fair to you. I'm sorry, Ken. I just.." Peter stuttered.
"I don't mind if you have sex with your ex." Ken smiled. "I had a messy breakup and divorce before.."
"I'm not sleeping with Alex again. And I don't want to hurt you anymore. I'm sorry.." Peter was just so shocked that Ken was actually fine with him kissing Alex.
"No. I'm not breaking up with you because you kissed Alex. Okay? I love you and I loved our last sex. I kept dreaming of getting more of that. You are just the man I hoped for all this year and I am not giving up on you so easily. I.." Ken pulled Peter to sit on his lap. He chuckled because Peter is actually a big man. "I just talked to Billy about retiring and coming out. Then we can date like normal people. Like you and Alex."
"No.. please don't do that for me.. please.." Peter slid down and kneeled down. "I'm not worth it, okay? I don't deserve you or your love. I'm useless. Please don't do that, okay?"
"I didn't do it for you. I want this for myself. But also for us. I'm tired of living this lie, and you are worth it. Please don't put yourself so low like that. You are worthy of my love." Ken pulled Peter up again. "Listen to me. You and Alex need to talk, and I don't mind adding Alex to the equation if that is what you wanted."
"No, that is not what I wanted. I just need some time to sort out my feelings and my relationship. I don't want to hurt you. You are an amazing man and you deserve someone better." Peter kissed Ken gently.
"No. I deserve you. So stop it. Okay?" Ken smiled. "If you need time to figure out your relationship with Alex, then do it, but I know I love you and I want you." Ken rubbed Peter's cheeks.
"Are you sure?" Peter could not believe that he was this lucky. Ken really loves him and is very understanding.
"I don't want anyone else but you. Look, we can talk about this. You will never hurt me if we talk before we decide on anything. The key is that we have to be honest with each other. I love you, Peter." Ken stood up and pulled Peter into his hug.
"Fine.. we'll talk, but not now. Because that video is just getting me too hot to do some talking." Peter chuckled.
"Oh, you want to have sex now?" Ken smiled.
"Um.. I shouldn't.. I'm sorry.." Peter kissed Ken gently.
"Why not?" Ken was confused why Peter didn't want to have sex.
"The last time we had sex, all I can think of is Alex. But I want to do it with you, and I need to throw out all my toys because they just remind me of Alex." Peter scoffed.
"We can shop for it together. But I'm not really sure what to get and where to get it." Ken blushed.
"Ken, I.." Peter felt uncomfortable with the thought of building something new with Ken while he barely moved on from Alex.
"I'm sorry.. I rushed it again just after I said that I would wait." Ken smiled bitterly. "I'll let you go and I'll continue watching this hot video." Ken chuckled.
"I'm going to go. I'm sorry.. I will let you know about our weekend plans tonight. I haven't actually talked to Alex about it since the last time I talked to him, I kissed him." Peter scoffed.
"Yeah, sure.." Ken hugged Peter again and kissed his lover. Peter just smiled and nodded.
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