Hate Me Before You Love Me (BDSM/Mature)

Chapter 25. Alex Dark Past

Ken rubbed Alex's hair like a cat as he curled up on his lap. Alex enjoyed it when Ken was around because he felt like he had a new master, and Ken was different from Peter. Ken is similar to his father, whereas Peter is his true master. Alex had a strained relationship with his father, and according to his therapist, this was the catalyst for his destructive behavior.
"Alex.." Peter suddenly squatted next to him. "I think we need to tell Ken. But if you can't do it, I can talk to Ken about it without you." Peter rubbed his husband's cheeks.
"Not now.. please?" Alex turned his face to Ken's thigh.
"Baby what is it?" Ken moved his face close to Alex's.
"He's not ready yet, but he will be. I'm sorry I brought it up.." Peter kissed Alex a couple of times. Alex nodded, but he was still pretty upset.
"I'm hungry. Want to grab lunch?" Ken asked his lovers.
Alex just shook his head and then stood up. He was in pain. He knew that Peter was right. He had to tell Ken about his past. He's disgusted with that past. But that past is why he developed this destructive behavior. He was always scared and jealous if his lover stopped paying attention to him. He can do whatever it takes to break off someone's relationship. His destructive behavior cost him his marriage with Peter, and Peter told him that he needed to tell Ken all about it because Peter fell in love with Ken.
Peter started to accept that he wanted a polyamorous relationship. This is his first time ever falling in love with two people at the same time. And Peter really wants to be with Ken. Kenny is like a mediator in his relationship with Alex. Ken knew how to put Alex on his spot without fighting with him. Peter knew that Alex treated Ken like his father. Alex's dark past did not start with Chloe but started since the moment he was born into this world. That is one of the reasons that Alex always wanted someone to be his master or mistress, or in Ken's case, his daddy.
As Alex was about to walk away, Ken stood up and pulled him closer. Ken knew how to comfort Alex and Peter and loved that Ken was open-minded about bringing Alex into their relationship. Ken kissed Alex's neck and wrapped his arms around Alex.
"Hey.. we are here for you and to love you unconditionally. Please don't be upset. Smile for your daddy, please?" Ken whispered.
Alex turned around and hugged Ken back. Alex loves this about Ken: he has a fatherly instinct more than he or Peter could ever have. Ken rubbed Alex's head gently. Alex heard Peter chuckle next to them. Peter kissed Ken's cheeks and thanked him for taking care of their sweet boy.
"Daddy.. I love you.. please don't ever leave us.." Alex put on a puppy face that made Ken smiled. Peter chuckled, then joined the hug.
"Let's eat, okay? I'm hungry.." Ken finally broke free from the hug.
They had an amazing weekend getaway last weekend, and this weekend, Peter and Alex brought their kids together to Ken's penthouse. And they will have dinner with Ken's kids that night. Russ, Bea, and Cody seemed to enjoy that their parents seemed to put their divorce on hold. The only one that still has concern is Cody, because he understands that their parents are not actually getting back together. Cody knew that Alex still lived separately from Peter and that Peter still stayed at Ken's place at least three nights a week. There were still times that Cody found that his father cried and was scared of losing Peter.
The kids were jumping into the pool right away after they arrived at the penthouse. Cody takes really good care of Bea, who is still a little rusty on swimming. Peter watched them for most of the time, and he let Alex have his time with Ken. Alex had been asking Peter to let him spend some time alone with Ken too.
Before their lunch, Peter asked Alex to help the kids clean up. Peter had a few minutes alone with Ken, so he took his handsome man to the bedroom. Peter locked the bedroom right away and started to kiss Ken. Ken chuckled and suddenly dropped on his knee, then started to unzip Peter's pants. He slipped Peter's underwear and pants on in one swift move, then started to devour Peter's cock. Peter moaned, and he grabbed Ken's hair and started to lead Ken's head movement. Peter missed the weekends that he spent just with Ken and had a lot of sex.
"Fuck.." Peter's breath started to get faster, and Ken sucked more enthusiastically. "Oh.. Ken.. I love you.." Peter didn't realize that he said he loved Ken for the first time ever while getting a blow job from him.
Ken yanked himself. "Really?" Ken looked at Peter.
"I.. yes.. I love you.. I'm sorry that my timing stinks. Can we.." Peter hesitates to ask Ken to continue. But Ken understood, and he sucked Peter again for a few minutes until Peter unloaded inside Ken's mouth. Peter pulled Ken up and hugged him. "I love you so much. Thank you.."
"I love you too, baby.." Ken rubbed Peter's cheeks. At the same time, Alex knocked on the door to call them for lunch.
Peter licked his leftovers on Ken's lips and cheeks and chuckled. He pulled his underwear and pants up. They hugged for a few moments, then unlocked the door and joined Alex and the kids. Peter felt so different when he was with Alex and with Ken. He knew that Ken was his main partner now, not Alex. But he needs to face Ken's children tonight and see what they think about Peter bringing Alex into his relationship with Ken. Ken said that this is not his first polyamorous relationship, and he knew his kids would have their concerns no matter if they told them about Alex or not, so he wanted to tell them about it.
As the two men joined in, Alex felt like there was something happening in the bedroom. But Alex knew if he asked, Peter would be mad at him. Peter has not forgiven him yet, so Alex had to tiptoe around their fragile relationship. Ken helped their relationship a lot, but Alex knew that Peter mostly used Alex for sex and nothing else. Alex was grateful that Peter gave him a chance, but he was, as usual, greedy. He wanted more from Peter.
Alex noticed that Peter and Ken kept holding hands at lunch, so he dragged Peter out to talk after lunch while Ken took the kids to the home theater to watch some animated movies. They sat down on the pool deck.
"What do you want to talk about?" Peter was a little annoyed that Alex dragged him away from Ken. He still wanted to enjoy time with Ken.
"What just happened between you and Ken?" Alex asked directly.
"Why are you asking about it? You know, Ken is my main partner. Do you think I can't just continue the divorce?" Peter is really annoyed now.
Alex's heart is broken hearing that Peter brought up the divorce again. "I'm not.." Alex started to tear up.
"Oh, come on.. I don't like this.. I'm going to go. Do whatever you want to do.." Peter left Alex alone after that. He had enough of Alex's crying. 
Peter just mumbled his anger when Ken asked. Ken decided to go and check on Alex after seeing that his boyfriend was so upset. He found Alex about to walk out of the penthouse. So he had to drag him back to the living room and sit with him.
"What just happened between you and Peter?" Ken asked.
"Nothing.." Alex sobbed.
"Just tell me.." Ken gently rubbed Alex's cheek. He has three kids. He knew how to calm an upset kid.
"I feel like I'm an outsider. I felt like you and Peter are in a relationship and I'm just the third wheel.." Alex sobbed.
"Peter is in the process of accepting you back into his life. It's not easy. You broke his heart. Please don't put me as if I wrecked your marriage with him." Ken felt a little angry. He felt like Alex was trying to blame him for his broken marriage.
"No.. no.. I am not blaming you for this. I'm sorry, Ken. I love you and I would not blame you for this." Alex grabbed Ken's hand and held it tightly.
"You should not toss words like love around lightly like that. It could hurt people's feelings, you know?" Ken tapped Alex's hands a few times.
"But.. I love you.." Alex looked at Ken with a sad face. "I know you don't love me, and it's fine. But I'm not throwing that word around lightly. "
"I'm sorry.." Ken hugged Alex and kissed Alex's head.
"I just want Peter to be less mean to me. And I want you to love me. I need you and Peter.." Alex cried again.
Ken sighed. "I know, but give Peter and I some time, okay?"
"I was molested a couple of times when I was a kid and during my young adult life. That's what Peter wanted to tell you earlier.." Alex covered his face with his hands.
"What?!" Ken now felt very angry with Alex's revelation.
"I was molested by one of my mother's boyfriends when I was 10. And Cody's mom molested me when we were in a relationship. She.." Alex had to stop because he was sobbing so badly. "She sometimes tied me down and continued to use me, although I told her to stop. Then she said it was to educate me for being ungrateful. She always made me scared that she would leave me. She made me.." Alex stopped again. "She made me have an attachment issue. I am always scared of losing a person I love. I developed toxic behavior from my paranoia of losing Peter. I hurt Peter because of that.."
"Oh my goodness.. Alex.." Ken's tears have started to run down his cheeks now. "Oh.. Alex.. I'm so sorry.." This hit him so hard because Carmen had to deal with this too. It pains him so much that someone could have just molested a child. "Did they.." Ken didn't want to ask something that might bring bad memories. "Are you suing them?"
"I don't have any proof." Alex still sobbed.
"Alex.. I'm so sorry.." Ken just shook his head. He just couldn't accept that these people just got away without repercussions. Carmen's assailant walks free too, because it was her words against him. It just angers Ken.
"I'm a messed up person, Ken.. I just want someone to love me, and for the longest time, that person who I wanted love from was Peter.." Alex just kept on crying because he wanted Peter back to love him. 
Ken sat in silence, mostly because he was angry, but he now understood a little more why Alex got his toxic behavior from, and he started to connect the dots of why Alex wanted to be a sub. He also now understands why it is so hard for Peter to push Alex away from his life. Ken was so confused when Peter told him about how Alex had lied about being Bea and Russ's biological father, but he still wanted to forgive him. And now Ken understands it all.
Peter slowly tapped Ken's shoulder. "Ken, could you let me talk to my husband?" He smiled bitterly. Ken just nodded and then he left Peter with Alex. "I'm sorry for what I just said.." Peter said, while wrapping his arms around Alex. "I will stop the divorce process, I promise. I want you. But, I need time. So, please give me some time to figure this out. You can see someone else too if you really want to.."
Alex just shook his head slowly. He grabbed Peter's arms tightly.
"What about Kelly? She seemed like a nice woman.." Peter took a deep breath.
"What?" Alex stopped his crying.
"I want you to have another partner. Because I am in love with Ken and I don't think I want to share him with you.." Finally, Peter exhaled.
"Oh..." Alex sounds disappointed.
"We can still have threesome but I just don't want you to see Ken privately. I'm sorry.." Peter pressed his lips. He knew Alex was falling in love with Ken, but Alex ruined his marriage with Emma, and he just doesn't want that to happen again.
Alex wiped his tears. "I'm going to go then.. I.." Alex slowly pushed Peter away. "I'll see you at home.. I'm going to call Kelly.." He stopped for a bit. "If you don't mind?"
"Oh.." Peter was caught off guard when Alex actually said he wanted Kelly.
"It's not.. look.. um.. I understand.." Alex was nervously trying to explain himself. "I know you are scared that I will ruin your relationship with Ken like I did with you and Emily. So, I will give you space. And since you mentioned it, maybe I can be with Kelly?" He bites his lower lips.
"Yeah.. sure.." Peter smiled bitterly. "I'm sorry.."
"You don't need to say sorry.. I love you.." Alex kissed both of Peter's cheeks and walked away without looking back. He knew Peter had not forgiven him yet and, as long as Peter let him, he would try to distract himself with someone else.
____________________________________________________

Alex locked the master bedroom he used to share with Peter. Kelly sat on the bed naked and ready for anything that Alex wanted. Alex and Kelly had played together for a long time, so they knew what they liked and disliked. Kelly is also deeply in love with Alex; she just never really knows why Alex wants to stay with Peter. Alex took a deep breath before opening the toy box. He was sad that Peter still couldn't forgive him. But Alex knew that Peter would not forgive him easily. His hand brushed into some of the cuffs and the plug, and the memories came flooding back to him. He and Peter used to be so happy and excited about this, but now he is with someone else while Peter finally found someone that truly loves him.
"Alex.." Kelly called her lover's name gently. She wanted to be Alex's sex slave.
"Yeah?" Alex looked at the naked woman in the bed. He is having a hard time starting a scene with Kelly because he only did this to avoid being a third wheel in Ken's and Peter's relationship.
"You want to start soon? I'm so excited about this.." Kelly smiled.
"Yeah, give me some time, okay?" Alex forced out a smile and continued his search for the toy box. He finally threw four cuffs on the bed and told Kelly to put them on. He doesn't even know what he wants to do with Kelly. "Kel, um.. are you really okay with this?"
"Why not? I love you, Alex. And I know that you don't really love me, but.. I do love you and I always love our scenes." Kelly was busy with putting on her cuffs, but it kind of made her worry that Alex was having these kinds of doubts.
"I'm sorry, I'm not in love with you. But, I care about you." Alex sat next to Kelly and rubbed her back. There's some part of her body that had a sign of some whipping in the past day or two. "I'm just checking to see if you're okay with this because you seemed to have just had an intense scene. And you know me.." Alex pressed his lips.
"I'm fine, Alex. I do this for a living, you know.." Kelly smiled.
Alex checked on Kelly's body now, and he knew that Kelly's hard limit was like his blood. And he saw some scars on her back, which meant this client was pushing her hard limits. "I can't do this.. I'm sorry.." As Alex stood up, he grabbed some ointment for the scars and bruises. Then they started to rub it on Kelly. But Kelly pushed him away.
"I'm fine.. Can we just do it? I really want this.." Kelly stopped Alex's fingers from rubbing the ointment and put his hands on her breast instead.
"Kelly, no.." Alex now felt how Peter felt when he forced Peter to do a scene with him. Alex sighed. "I'll get the money. You can go.."
"I'm not doing this for money.. I'll go if you want to.." Kelly felt upset and rejected.
"Kel.. I'm sorry.. I should not have asked you to do this. You are so in love with me and I treated you like you were just a sex that I'm paying." Alex shook his head and sighed. "I'm horrible, just like what Peter said." Alex sat next to Kelly and covered his face with his hands.
"No.. Alex.. you are amazing.. please.." Kelly felt horrible. "This is just sex. I know. And I'm sorry, you are my client." Kelly was whipped so hard that she cried before, but her heartbreak now is more painful than that. "Alex.."
"Just leave, please.. I'll send you the money.." Alex stood up and put on a bathrobe.
"Alex.. I want you so badly.. I'll do anything.. please.." Kelly started to cry.
"You know, I did that to Peter too.." Alex scoffed. "I hurt Peter, now I hurt you.." Alex turned around and left. He knew he had hurt a lot of people. Maybe he should just disappear. He did nothing right in his life.
____________________________________________________

Peter's phone is ringing in the middle of the night. Ken canceled the dinner with his kids, but Peter's and Alex's kids and Peter stayed that night at Ken's penthouse. The kids are happy with the home theater and the pool, and they ask if they can spend every weekend there. Ken, of course, doesn't mind. But Peter is still unsure of how Alex feels about that. Peter rubbed his eyes and picked up the call.
"Is this Mr. Moore, Peter Moore?" asked the man on the other side of that call.
"Yeah.." Peter heartbeat went up. The last time he got this kind of call, they informed him that Emma had died.
"You are listed as Mr. Barnes, Alex Barnes, emergency contact." said the man again.
"Fuck.. is he okay?" Peter jumped out of bed and woke Ken up too.
"He had an accident and he is currently under surgery at Forest Hill Hospital. We will let you know more when you are here." The man continues.
"I'll be there in 15 minutes." Peter hung up the call and grabbed his shirt.
"What happened?" Ken asked.
"Alex got into an accident. I need to go.." Peter put on his clothes as fast as he could.
"I'll go with you.." Ken grabbed his clothes too.
"No.. the kids.." Peter mumbled.
"I'll call Robyn. He's good with kids. He just needed to go up one floor. I want to be with you and Alex.." Ken holds Peter's hand.
"Fine.." Peter just wanted to be with Alex as soon as he could.