𝗣𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸 ─── 𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿 ༄‧₊˚ (EDITING)

・𝟏𝟎

page ten.

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Absentmindedness

EXHAUSTED AND OUT OF MY MIND, I FLOPPED ON MY BED. IT FELT like my absence in my own house had dragged on for months instead of simply three days. Three days that had contained all sorts of events and mishappens. I was still overwhelmed by everything that went down, especially my memorable encounter with Alex in my dressing room.

Then, as I was laying on my bed, I realized that I had nothing else to do. I'd been so busy escaping Alex's presence that I didn't even think about this. I went over almost everything on my mind, and nothing was unfinished or needed to be continued. 

I felt out of body, like everything would fall to pieces at any moment. It felt as if I was trapped in a dream and when I woke up I'd meet Alex's eyes once again. It was impossible to kick him out of my head when with every breath I took I was reminded of him.  

Yet another trance swallowed me and dragged me into a world I didn't know of. Where Alex's eyes shined with all kinds of sympathy. A feeling he'd never shown in front of me. His large arms wrapped around me, and I saw him more clearly than ever. I began to forget the little things that kept my mind going around and around. 

But as always, I snapped out of it when I least wanted to. And when I did, I began to weigh my options. I could, for one side, ignore all of this and take a pill that would soothe me to sleep for at least an entire day. Or I could pick up my phone and dial his number, with the desire of simply hearing his voice. 

With the seconds ticking, the answer became more and more obvious.

I shuffled through my drawers, pushing away things I wasn't searching for. I pursed my lips together when I found the bottle. I grabbed it with my hands and stared at it, thinking about how stupid I looked attempting all of these things to avoid thinking of the man that had stolen my heart despite his degrading attitude.

My gaze intensified and I could've sworn I felt the bottle of pills come to life. Or perhaps it was the lack of sleep touring my body and affecting my vision. Either way, I grew tired of it. I heard the pills rattle, I placed one on my hand and down my throat, drowning it with water. I swallowed the sour taste and laid my head against my pillows.

Deep inside all I wanted was to hear a knock on my door make its way to my ears. Even if he stood in my doorway for the smallest of reasons. I simply wanted to see him there, standing so amusing and flawless. It was so easy for him to captivate me with one glance.

I knew I simply had to escape these insane ideas from crawling into my brain. That I needed to face the fact that Alex was more than incognizant to each and one of my actions slightly hinting at any kind of emotions opposite to the hate I faked in front of him.

With a sigh, I began tossing and turning, being unable to sit still in one position I knew I wanted to be in. As his eyes glowing with lust were so damn clear inside my head, it became impossible for me to take up the task of concentrating on sleeping. 

In the middle of my dispute with myself, I grew confused about the functioning of my brain. Why would I feel desperate for his intense gaze on mine when I'd seen him about two hours ago? Were my emotions upon him growing bigger than I could think of? 

The raging idea shook my head into oblivion, leaving me with no slight hope of ever ceasing my body to sleep. My hands gripped the sheets just as a hectic scream made it halfway up my throat. I felt deprived of his presence. 

I turned my body around and instantly jolted forward at the image I'd found waiting for me. The non-existing light coming from my lamp created a dark contrast leading to the chair standing at the corner of my bedroom. A dark figure with a tall frame sat in a manspreading manner across it.

My mind raced with possible reasons behind what I'd found. Most of them flew across my brain leaving no space for others. I became too busy thinking about any leads to this. I spread my body closer to the edge of my mattress, approaching my body closer to the corner in a way. 

A sudden rush of emotions took over my body instantly when my eyes unlocked the identity of the figure sitting on my chair. His normally perfectly-gelled back hair tonight was wavy, small strands pointing out to different directions. 

Who was Alex Turner any other time I'd been delighted by his presence; strong and confident before my eyes, tonight looked fragile, at the verge of shattering into millions of pieces. The carefully carved mask he concealed his face behind now looked transparent against his heavenly skin, allowing a perfect view of many things. Yet, I couldn't understand any of them.

His dark chuckle created a bouncing echo across my bedroom. Just as he did, I finally decided to place my feet on the ground. I walked closer to his now intimidating corner, dragging my feet across the carpet. He was instantly perked up by my sudden movement, but it wasn't a reason for me to stop.

As I inched closer, I was able to notice a small glass sitting at the top of the small table beside him, containing a brown liquid. I knitted my eyebrows in confusion, slowly closing the gap of distance between us with the seconds I walked closer to him. He lifted the glass up and swallowed half of it.

When the distance had disappeared, and I could see him almost perfectly, I stretched my arm out in search of the light switch. I waved my hand around until I flipped it, causing a stream of light to flood the room instantly.

The darkness had faded away, and so had Alex. I gasped at loud at the empty chair and empty desk. His strong scent remained in the air, pleasing me in ways I didn't know how to react at. Despite his sudden disappearance, many things gained sense.

The fragile appearance his face cast was due to my faint awareness of this only being a sick illusion my mind had placed in front of me, just as the simpleness that I saw through his mask with. He hadn't even been here in the first place.

I felt embarrassed, standing at the corner of my bedroom with a recent lack of sense of life, getting myself exhilarated by the tall figure I felt so deprived of. And there was not one small thing I could do to change that.

I returned to bed with delusional and hopelessness written all over my face. The lights didn't illuminate the room anymore, it became me and my embarrassment all alone. I heaved a sigh and finally felt my whole body weakening with tiredness, but before I could be swallowed into the slumber I desired, I traveled through a train of thought.

Damn Alex had drilled a hole in my heart so deep I was now daydreaming about him. My feelings absorbed my body so much I couldn't bear any other thought inside my head. I wanted him and somewhy the realization decorated by impossibility made me want him even more. 

I needed to change my path to something else before I did something I would regret.