𝗣𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸 ─── 𝗔𝗹𝗲𝘅 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗿 ༄‧₊˚ (EDITING)

・𝟒𝟑

𝐩𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐲-three

✦　　˚　　　　　*　　 　　✦.　　 .˚ 　.　 ✦˚　　 　　.　　˚　　. ✦　　˚　.　˚　　　. ✦ 　　　.   　 　　　˚　　　　　*　　 　　✦

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THE SMELL OF COFFEE HIT ME WHEN I stepped in the shop. I could feel a couple of eyes scanning me. Not an envious stare, but more of a shy one.

I sat down next to a shelf filled with classic books and did what I had been doing ever since Alex left my life when I walked into a place; I simply stared at my phone, hopelessly anticipating some sort of signal from him.

I had an internal dispute going down. The part of me that wanted to shut this chapter out was fighting the part of me that wanted to keep him like an oath, to keep the small Polaroid I had of him tucked away into my pocket, to spend every second of a song trying to match the lyrics to how he made me feel.

Frankly, I was not rooting on any side. It was impossible to make the decision, even when my well-being was on the line.

I had submerged myself in his affection so deep I couldn't find the will to go up to the surface. I wanted to stay underwater, even if the oxygen was slowly starting to run out, even if my arms and legs were tired of swimming, even if my vision was starting to get blurry.

I didn't want to reach the shore if he wasn't there expecting me.

I take a deep breath and stare into the crowd, their expectant eyes watching my hands express my words. As I described what had once been the most delightful encounter with a person I would ever had the pleasure of living up to.

I gazed down at the speech I had written for this moment. I even extracted a fragment of the original screen play to read out loud.

With every page containing a different story behind it. The first ones transported me back to that hotel room I was so sick of. Not knowing what to do as I grabbed a pen and summoned every little intricacy of my differing feelings onto a piece of paper.

This snowballed into a movie I directed myself, about the fraction of my life I liked the most. The one I would never be able to get rid of since it is tattooed on my soul.

The crowd of people who had played a role in the movie watches as tears begin to stain a corner of the page. The page that I will always feel like I'm living through again and again whenever I read it again.

"I look back at that time, the simple time when the little details of him were still new to me. When all I had to do was turn my head sideways and I'd see him there, because he never left my side"

"I actually don't remember how life even was when I wasn't with him. I've tried to think of it but my mind is always clouded" I sniffled and attempted to hide my grief by giving the audience a soft smile, the softest one I could manage.