roman angst one shots

Save me I'm drowning.

* yeets this at you before fading away*  bonjour enfoiré.

Tw: familial hanahaki, ocean metaphors ( dr0wning), feeling unloved, mean thoughts

Notes: Human au- the lightsides are family Janus is recently adopted, Patton is dad aged, logan and virgil are 17 year old twins and roman is 15. No remus content today.

The ocean is used as an extended metaphor, for what reason idk.

Roman remembers.

He does that alot actually, allows the memories to sweep him away, drowning him in a ocean of what was and what could have been if he was just a little more decisive, a little...less Roman...

He remembers, when his father would grab him, giggling and young, off of the carpeted floor. Cradling him in his arms with declarations of love and promises of " I'll see you in the morning, my little dove" with a kiss on his forehead and a story.

He remembers his eldest brothers, protecting him from bullies and teachers, and nightmares and scrunched up rugs, singing him a lullaby in the middle of the night and shrouding him in a purple jacket to protect him from the cold.
He remembers his other brother, the one that would teach him , pulling him to dance in the living room, his father and brother laughing and clapping along to the music on the jukebox. Singing songs in the morning with Roman to the flowers he grew and teaching him, with Roman sat in his lap, about the stars.

He remembers feeling loved...Maybe that's what makes remembering painful, because a memory is something you cannot relive and it's destined to be forgotten or twisted. Maybe Roman was never loved at all, his brain deciding that their acts of pity was adoration. The fond teasing and nicknames were never really there, that Roman replaced someone else who his family the group actually loved with himself out of jealousy.

Maybe that's why gardenias bloom in his throat and blood stains the bathroom floor.

Roman is barely awake.

He's drifting on the brink of unconsciousness, the waves of hope barely able to drag him back out as he drifts closer and closer to the void.

Someone is talking, he can't understand what they're saying, his mind hazy and throat filled with stems and flowers littering the floor, their white, pure petals stained a awful red. Their blurry above him, he can barely make out brown hair. Virgil...?

No,no don't be silly Roman, his mind chastised, He doesn't care, he doesn't love you, why would he, why would any of them, they have Janus, they have eachother.

More tears fell as he hacked and choked the person above him helped him tip to his side, allowing flowers to spill onto the already stained floor. His ears rang but he could see multiple pairs of feet ahead of him. Why are their so many people...?

A voice cut through the ringing.

"Little dove?" His vision focused on the one person, everyone else remained a blur as his father  Patton took shaky steps towards him before kneeling and taking him from whoever's arms his was in. "Oh my little dove, I'm so sorry..." He whispered, brushing away his tears with a gentle thumb. Roman could see tears spilling down his face and his brow furrowed in worry, don't cry he wanted to plea please don't cry for me.

But all he could croak out was a weak,warped and pleading "daddy."

"I'm here, love, daddy's here."  He could faintly hear people being ushered out until it was only him the person behind him and someone else. "I love you, Roman." His dad whispered,resting his forehead against his own.  " I love you so much, my baby." He pressed a kiss to his forehead as tears fell from identical blue eyes.

Roman couldn't help the choked cough, his dad moving slightly, supporting his head and cradling him to his chest like he was still a child, still his dad's baby. gardenia petals flew out of his mouth and blood splattered against white tile, he heard a heartbroken noise but he couldn't help the small whimper as he felt his dad pull away.

he's leaving.he doesn't want you. he's glad your going.it was all for pi-

Two pairs of arms held him close, two voices whispering apologies and declarations of love. " We're so sorry Ro." The twins whisper in unison, something that used to happen daily now so rare that Roman couldn't help the small giggle that escaped.
Hands ran through his hair, kisses placed on his forehead and nose, a hug that he melted into.

He coughed once more, roots stained red scattered against the floor.

The tide was slowly going out, leaving Roman in the shallows. His father was there to pick him up and his brothers where there with towels to dry him off. He was loved, and they would do anything to make sure he never felt like he was drowing again.