Lifetime

Ordinary Day

There are certain things you can never see coming, that you would never imagine or guess. I think that was the hardest part, that it was just another ordinary day.

I listened to my mom and dad bicker about which of them would open the restaurant while the other made the drive to this little farm to pick up the order of specialty jams that were being used for a new sandwich my dad came up with. I walked into the kitchen just as my dad was peppering my mom in kisses, finally accepting her insistence to make the drive since she had other errands to run. I watched them from the table, scarfing down a bowl of cereal as they both kissed the top of my head on the way out.

With the house to myself I danced around to the playlist Hobi and I shared, a mix of our favorite old and new songs, picking up the small mess in my room before my shift at the restaurant.

Four hours later I headed back home, stopping by a convenience store to pick up a pint of ice cream for Hobi and I to share later. When I was home I had a shower, spending a little extra time deep conditioning my hair and moisturizing. I was in a long t-shirt, just slipping my legs into a pair of loose sweatpants when there was a knock at the door.

Hobi's mom stood at the other side, a faint smile on her face as she came inside, looking around. I was surprised to see her there, but figured she might be in need of a stick of butter or some sugar based on history.

She didn't immediately ask for what she needed, quiet as she twiddled with her fingers, glancing too much at her phone.

"Did you need something to cook with?" I asked after hugging her, heading to the kitchen.

She let out a relieved breath when her phone started to ring, holding up a finger. "That's Hobi, give me just one second." She was back out of the door in a flash, pacing back and forth in the front yard as she answered his call.

Something was off, none of her actions since she came through the door making sense. I watched from the window, unable to hear any of the conversation. She came back a moment later, blinking a few more times than was natural.

"Yes, a stick of butter if you have it." She tried to sound casual but her voice cracked. My brow pulled together as I opened the refrigerator, watching her look back and forth from me to the window in my peripheral view.

My completely normal day transitioned into the worst day of my life when the door opened again, my dad's sister walking into the house ahead of him. It was like my body knew something happened, my stomach dropping and my heart pattering with dread.

"Where's mom?" I stuttered, noticing the intense droop of his blood shot eyes and tremble of his hand.

"Sel—" He tried to reach out to me. I took a step back, shaking my head.

My breath hitched in my throat. "I left my phone in my room. I'll call her." I ran a hand through my still damp hair, turning to head down the hallway, grabbing my phone off of my bed. My dad followed me, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me to him just as my legs gave out by the bed, the twenty-seven missed notifications on my phone confirming that she was gone.

It's hard to describe the sound that comes out of you when you lose someone like that. A deep, guttural noise moves through your body, all the shock and pain balled into one, a sound I wouldn't remember because of the trauma and that no one who was witness to it could forget.

It felt like all the air left my lungs as I cried out for her, my breaths coming out in shaky huffs when I couldn't scream any more. I could tell the sound of Hobi's car from anywhere, pulling into his yard with a scrape against the sidewalk. The door opened and slammed shut three times, the curses he shouted heard through my open window. I registered his mom's footsteps as she left the room and house to go to him, focusing on the sound in that ear rather than my dad's sobs in the other.

My aunt took charge of quickly cleaning the house while my dad changed out of his work clothes, people already knocking on the door to offer their time, casseroles, and condolences.

I trapped myself in my room, processing the few questions my aunt answered once I was present enough to hear. There was an accident, one of those medium-duty trucks veering off the road into oncoming traffic just as she made her way back into town. She'd likely taken her last breath while I took an extra long shower to wash my hair and while my dad cooked at the back of the restaurant.

Every feeling I had competed with the other, like it was all real and wasn't at the same time, simultaneous devastation and disbelief. I dialed her number, a hoarse sob moving past my lips when her voice sounded on the machine. I hung up after the first word. I checked my text messages to see the last we shared, scolding myself after remembering that my last to her was a request to bring home more soda. I tried to remember the last thing she said to me, faintly recalling the words she called out when she left that morning. "Love you, bub."

I blinked a few times, the smell of food wafting into my room and the buzz of people chatting audible through my closed door. I knew someone would come to get me soon but I needed out. My mom was everywhere and I pictured her even in the isolation of my room, rubbing my head to wake me, helping me dress for big events and letting me try out new makeup techniques on her at my vanity.

A fresh gust of air hit me as I lifted my windowsill, pulling it back down so that there was only a crack left and walking across the yard to Hobi's. I tugged his window open, climbing through to his room, completely empty with the door open and the smell of his mom's cooking filling the house.

I listened for any sound but there was none, taking a seat on Hobi's bed and noticing the missing string of posters that usually lined his wall, stacked with the edges of the frames broken and glass removed.

The corners of my eyes were raw from wiping at my tears, my body worn from emotional exhaustion. I pulled the old blanket he kept on the bed up around me, laying back on his pillow and focusing on the items in his room. There was a book on the nightstand, facedown and opened to the halfway point, a small reel of pictures we took in a photo booth tucked behind his alarm clock and a balled up t-shirt in the corner of the floor, a little blood smeared onto the sleeve.

"Sel, everyone's looking for you." I'd been too focused to pick up on the sound of him coming through the window, having gone to my house to find my room empty. He kneeled at the side of the bed by the nightstand, brushing his fingers along my cheek.

"I can't be over there right now." I sighed with a sniffle, using the back of my sleeve to rub at my nose.

His eyes filled with tears and he wrapped an arm around me, tucking his face into the crook of my neck. "I don't know what to do for you, Sel." He cried.

I shrugged, letting out a quivered breath. "Can I sleep here?" I asked, knowing that though we were deep into the night the cars outside my house wouldn't dwindle soon enough.

"Whatever you need." He kissed my forehead, my eyes closing as he did. When he was convinced I was close to sleep he climbed in the bed beside me, staying awake during that first restless night with his bandaged hand in mine.
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Author's Note: Okay guys, don't hate me for this chapter. I always like to challenge myself as a writer and writing about sometimes really hard, big emotion is one of the ways I do that. This chapter wasn't a spontaneous decision and has actually been a part of my plan for the story for a while. If you're someone who's lost someone, I hope that you can feel seen in your experience here, though I know all grief is different. As someone who's had a fair amount of loss, and spontaneous loss in her life, this felt important for me to write about. Sending you all love <33