Lifetime

Contemplation

Valeria gifted me with the rose quartz I'd been eyeing before I left and I could see the way Namjoon struggled to hold back his immediate questioning, his arms tensing with his grip on the steering wheel. The pressure between us was too thick, the car feeling stuffy even after I cracked the window. I rolled it up, turning to look at him.

"She doesn't know if she can stop it, but she said I should think about if that's what I really want." I iterated. "You should think about that too, if it's what you'd really want."

On our way to the hotel we were to stay in for the night I thought about what she said, about the last three. I'd never been able to imagine what the next relationship would be like or fathom that always unique feeling that came with every soulmate. All I knew was that I would meet the next two on the same date, which already felt complicated and stressful. The last one made me wonder though. Maybe the connection with him would be the strongest and he would be the one that'd last forever. Despite my inability to imagine something more significant than those I already had, I also didn't know if I could risk losing it without ever knowing.

I hadn't been paying attention to anything around me, blinking mindlessly when Namjoon opened my door, already parked in front of the hotel.

He led us through check in and to our rooms, my mind still sorting through the logistical and emotional decision I needed to make. It felt like I was operating on autopilot, unable to recall anything from the ride up the elevator to scanning my room key over the pad.

"Seline," Namjoon's voice ached with concern and he reached out, touching my arm to grab my attention, "we haven't eaten much today. Maybe we can freshen up, clear our heads and meet in the lobby for dinner?" He proposed.

I took my bag from him, putting the strap over my shoulder and pushing the heavy door open with the other. "Sure, I'll be down in an hour."

In the privacy of my hotel room I ran through a quick shower, my contemplation paused with so much unknown. While I dressed I called Faye, the phone barely ringing before her cheery voice echoed through the line.

"I've been waiting by the phone all day. What did your witchy homegirl say? Also has anything happened with Mr. Kim?" She fired off, putting a sing-song tone over his name.

She was one of those people who's energy brightened your mood instantly. I smiled for the first time that day, putting the phone on speaker while I pulled on a pair of jeans. "To make a long story short, Namjoon wanted to know if the prophecy can be stopped so he could leave his fiance and basically be together forever. Valeria never even did a reading before today but would be willing to try ending it even though it might not work or go the way we'd want. I also can't stop thinking about the rest of them, from the past and now the other three that I don't know yet, and I pretty much have no idea what I'm doing here." I rambled, barely a pause or breath between words as I explained.

"Okay, first I'm going to ask when we transitioned from Mr. Kim into calling him Namjoon and then I'll give you my amazing advice." Faye replied.

She somehow balanced making light of everything and being my calm in the storm. "Probably between when he belted "My Heart Will Go On" in the car on the way down and the glob of ketchup he spilled on his shirt during dinner the first night." My heart warmed at the memory.

The sound of her giggling mixed with that of a timer going off in the background, the oven creaking as she opened it to prepare her own dinner. "I think when it comes to this, you need to stop focusing on them so much because the seven of them are overwhelming. Just think about you and how you want to experience this. If that means choosing one now then that's fine, but if you need to know all of them to find out, that's an okay thing too Sel."

"That's where I'm getting stuck. There's so much I don't know. I don't know anything about the last three or even what it'd actually be like to be with Namjoon, so how can I make that decision?" I wondered, brushing my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"I don't know, Sel, but maybe start there with Namjoon. You have to get okay with not knowing either though. You've got more than the rest of us out here in the world when it comes to that." Even without seeing her I knew her right eyebrow would be raised past its naturally high arch.

Of course she was right. There were these moments, when the prophecy clouded my every thought and it felt like my soulmates were the thing tethering me to being, but Faye and Valeria both made good points. It was my life and my love was a gift too.

I slipped into a cropped sweater and heeled boots, saying a quick goodbye to Faye with the promise that I'd update her after.

I was a few minutes behind, Namjoon rising from the chair he'd been waiting in when the elevator doors opened, my breath hitching when he met my eye. He closed the space between us in just a few strides. "There's a steakhouse just across the street we could walk to." His statement came out more as a question. He seemed nervous, surely since we hardly spoke since visiting Valeria's shop.

With the slight nod of my head he moved to stand next to me, keeping in line with me but leading the way on the short sidewalk that bridged the hotel and restaurant.

It was a busy Friday night, the lights dimmed for the couples that sat around, an obvious hot spot for dating. I picked up the drink menu as soon as we were at our table, Namjoon chuckling from across the booth.

"I'm guessing your mind isn't much clearer." He commented as I memorized the name of a peach-flavored cocktail to order when the waitress came back around.

I set down the menu, the waitress appearing before I could respond, taking our drink orders and offering us their special for couples, salads, a choice of entree with sides, and a dessert to share.

She returned with my drink quicker than I anticipated so I unwrapped my straw, sucking down some of the sweet and slightly tart beverage before giving him my attention. His focus was on me, watching my every move with a small smirk on his lips.

"Okay, ask away." I peered up at him.

"I don't have any questions." He replied.

My brow furrowed. If there was one thing he always seemed to have, it was questions. "Then what were you just thinking about?"

"I shouldn't say." The way he looked at me made the thrumming more intense. I felt it all over my body, taking another sip of my drink. "But I feel clear on what I want." He added.

"Do you really think it'd be that easy, to leave her and go against what your family has wanted for you?" I fired.

He shook his head. "It wouldn't be, just like I know it wouldn't be easy for you to choose me. I'm not saying any of it would be easy but if you wanted it, I'd do the hard thing."

The initial rise in temperature that came with slight intoxication covered me as I sucked at my straw, already at the bottom of my drink. "As harsh as this may sound Namjoon, there are three men on both sides of this, and I've already experienced what it's like to be with some of them." I wasn't sure if it was the drink that helped me be a little bolder.

"Are you asking me to plead my case?" He leaned back with a chuckle.

"No, but I also have no idea what actually being with you would feel like." I retorted. We paused as a server brought over our salads, giving them a quick toss before starting our meal.

In between bites he described to me that he was always on the go, that he often took late night walks out of boredom and that even if every light was off in the house he still struggled to shut off his mind. He confessed that he was a snorer and talked too much. He shared that he would get lost in books for hours and that even after reading, he'd probably always tell me about every story. He admitted that he wasn't a very good cook and could be messy, laughing when I asked him if he could tell me something that wasn't a flaw.

And then, he told me how he'd care for me, that he'd listen and understand despite his love for being right, and that because his mind never shut off there would always be someone with me on their mind. He said that he'd memorize my favorite books so he could regurgitate the best lines and that if he had the chance to nurture the most real feelings he ever experienced, he'd never love anything more.