Lifetime

Two Truths

I rose from the floor once a buzzing sound rang through the elevator, an alert for anyone outside the machine that it was out of service. It stopped when I pulled the release for the emergency stop, the button to my floor glowing orange as I hit it with my knuckle. On the way up I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand, leaving behind a smear of mascara.

The apartment was completely silent, my clutch making a small clattering sound as I dropped it on the coffee table. I cracked the door to my dad's bedroom, the quiet only a momentary lull until he breathed out with a snore.

In the mirror's reflection as I stood in the bathroom, still in my dress and with my shoes laid on their side by the door, I appeared starkly different from the last look before departing for the wedding that afternoon. My lipstick lightened a hue and eye makeup bled beneath my lashes, the corners smudged from rubbing at my tears.

Even so, I had to tilt my head at the woman staring back at me when I'd removed it all, my fresh face glowing with the rush from his profession of love.

I'd bother with my hair later, digging through to loosen some of the product and deciding to postpone washing. I opted to stay awake until sunrise with a cheesy, predictable movie and Seokjin on my mind.

By dawn my head lolled onto the arm of the couch, eyes sore from lack of sleep and the emotional night. I'd just finished watching my third happily ever after when my dad's bed creaked as he woke.

I was familiar with the sounds of him grunting as he stretched, house shoes scuffing across the floor until he reached the bathroom. I flipped the TV to a sitcom, waiting for him to finish with his morning routine to figure out breakfast.

He pressed his hands together so that they created a single clap as he entered the living room. He'd gotten a bit thinner since starting treatment, his belt pulled tighter to keep his jeans up.

He wasted no time, an anticipatory glee behind his question. "How was the wedding?"

"The ceremony and everything was beautiful. I was by myself for a lot of it but I had a good time." I chuckled at his immediate signals of impatience, scoffing and crossing his arms.

"No disrespect to the bride and groom but I want to know about you and Jin." He retorted.

I couldn't help but laugh, his lips puckered in a small pout. "He's my soulmate dad, of course we had a good time." I kept it short but he could see right through me, settling in on the couch so that I automatially snuggled into him like when I was a kid. "Being with him feels so incredible, but I feel like I'm on the edge of shattering. I'm already constantly worried about you and your health. I don't know how to do this without letting that take over."

"Stop fighting it. It's okay for you to feel both. If you keep trying to hold it all in it'll bubble up and be too much." His insights were always on par with what I needed.

We stopped by a cafe for breakfast and took a walk along Douglas Trail, my arm hooked through his while I recanted every detail of the night before to his great approval.

After a quick lunch provided by a food truck we spotted along the way he didn't have much room for a heavy dinner. Still, once we were back home and tucked into our usual seats in front of the TV, he pinched at the bowl of popcorn I made to satisfy my need to make sure he ate.

He dozed on the couch with the glow from changing scenes illuminating his tilted head while I prepared for the next day. I ensured our bags were packed and ready by the door, prepping snacks to be grabbed from the refrigerator and ingredients to combine for a slow cooker meal to be left on, and I continued thinking of Seokjin.

For the first time I let my mind wander without resistance. There was so much I didn't know about him and I wondered, about the ways we'd spend time together, his favorites things, and all of it in between.