Lifetime

Affirmation

He appeared perplexed at first but I held onto my will, explaining from the beginning. I started with the box Hobi and I found when we were kids, watching his expression transform from one of disbelief to bewilderment as I described the unique feelings I had for each soulmate, excluding him, and used the documents splayed out in front of us to support the unbelievable tale.

I picked at a broken nail while he went over the documents once, twice, and then thrice, pinching at his chin in thought. "Why do you have more soulmates than the other women in your family?" He kept his eyes on the paper as he fired off his first question.

"I'm not sure. I honestly don't know much about it, just what you're looking at. Seeing the piece at the exhibit and reading these books are the only things I have outside of everything I found as a kid." I answered.

He was muttering to himself, allowing me to only catch snippets of questions and statements as he thumbed through the book of paintings. "Maleficis Infinitum....family focus on maternity....can it be changed...." He stood with an exclamation, his hip brushing against mine as he moved to the open spot on the couch next to me, pointing at an image on the page. "Maleficis Infinitum, it translates to Witches of Infinity."

I leaned over to get a better look at the book, taking in the copy of a painting with five faces of women, their expressions differing but features holding similarities that made it easy to place them as kin.

"They were five sisters, each with different powers. It looks like the youngest, Elvira Candella, was the one who bestowed the soulmate gift." He commented while I traced my thumb over the face of the most youthful, rosy cheeks and a bright smile that gave her an alluring appearance. The nervous pattering of my heart calmed, realizing that he wasn't put off by my disclosure. He was fascinated.

"What did you mean when you said my family focuses on maternity?" I questioned, needing to get away from the books and swamp of information though I could tell he was craving more knowledge.

He turned to face me, scooting to the edge of the couch so that there was some distance between us. "When did I say that?"

"When you were re-reading my mom's letter." I reminded him.

He smacked his lips, questioning himself. "Sorry, sometimes I think out loud. It seemed like in your family the gift was seen more as a way to carry on maternal values, but based on the story it feels like the gift was more about love." He peered back into the book, turning the page to reveal another depiction of a woman, this one with sad eyes but a kind smile. "Which makes sense when I think about Margaret Adam's story. She was trapped in a marriage absent of love or affection so it was the thing she craved most. It seems like her wish was for her family to get the love she didn't."

I took the book from him, reading over the excerpt that accompanied the photo, detailing all that he revealed. I took a deep breath, closing the book and sitting back in my seat.

He kept his head buried into the papers scattered on the table, oblivious to the overwhelm I felt until he glanced up, diverting his attention as he looked over at me.

"Have there only been three soulmates so far?" He asked, leaning on his elbows, his hands clasped with curiosity.

I hadn't divulged the soulmate dates, knowing he was smart enough to put it together in an instant. Even so, his inquiry led him there. "Four." I gave him the most basic of answers.

"And what does that one feel like?" He sat back, keeping enough distance that it gave an ease that helped with my expression.

"It's hard to describe. It's like a drumming, but not just any drumming. It's the beat that gives life to everything that's ever existed." I looked up at him, his head tilted in thought. "I told you it's hard to describe." I chuckled nervously.

He hummed with understanding, with knowing. "You describe it perfectly."

The dinging of the door opening grabbed my attention, the first time I heard it since we started. Mrs. Johnson had just finished cleaning the outside seating area of the cafe, turning the open sign to indicate they were closed. I gathered my papers messily, pressing them between a folder and handing the books to Namjoon.

"I guess I have everything I need for my paper." I pulled on my coat, draping the strap of my bag over my shoulder.

He stood, returning the books to me with a nod. "Keep them, they're more yours than they are mine." He asserted until I accepted.

I brushed past him, flooded from the small affirmation that he knew. "I'll see you on Tuesday." I nodded, keeping my head down and taking the long way home so I wouldn't run into him.

Over the two weeks I ignored him completely, even skipping a couple of his classes, convinced that his understanding of being my soulmate meant that he would have to reject me at our next close encounter. When I caught sight of him and his fiance on the subway on a weekend evening, Faye oblivious as she gabbed about the performance she was excited to see, we met each other's gaze, a conscious look shared between us. They were both dressed in attire that gave the impression they were headed out for a date. I cast my eyes down, my heart fluttering with heat when I saw that he tapped his foot to the same rhythm crawling through my body.

"Seline." Faye wiggled her fingers in front of my eyes, pulling me from the daze I was in. "Are you coming?" She giggled at my distractedness, holding out a hand for me to grab at our stop.

Being back in a bar, watching a live performance made me think of Yoongi. I wondered how I could feel the way I did for Namjoon when if I thought hard enough, I could still put myself back there with him, to where the entire universe melted away. It was the same with each of them, missing them in different ways but with feelings that made it all the same, so I spent the night expanding my imagination since I couldn't move beyond that with Namjoon, shifting between the campfire, fireworks, and singularity.