Marauders X Reader Oneshots

42: Remus Lupin - Insecurity

House: Slytherin

 It had happened three years ago, but Remus and I were still having immense difficulty getting over the death and betrayal of our friends. On Hallowe'en of 1981, three of our friends were brutally murdered and one went to Azkaban. For the first year after the event, Remus' transformations were horrendous. I too had turned into an animagus to help my boyfriend of seven years and was able to transform into a fox. I usually managed to look after him really well during full moons, but his depression and upset at loosing our closest friends somehow travelled on to his werewolf form.

The days after he'd stay in bed, thankfully letting me look after him. I hoped for one shred of happy news, that perhaps Harry wanted to meet us or perhaps Sirius was finally proved innocent, however the source of my sudden happiness was unexpected.

I held the pregnancy test, smiling from ear to ear. It was positive and I couldn't wait to tell Remus when he came home from work. We hadn't discussed having children, we hadn't even discussed marriage but now that I knew I was pregnant I couldn't of felt happier. I wondered what would be the best way to tell him, but the front door opened sooner than I expected. "(y/n)?" Remus called out through our small house. With my bright smile still on my face I hopped down the stairs. I hid the test behind my back, leaning up and pecking him quickly. "What's gotten you so happy?" He chuckled.

"This!" I exclaimed, revealing the test from behind my back and handing it to him. He took it and it seemed to take him a moment to register what it even was. When it clicked, he froze on the spot. There was definitely shock on his face as his eyes widened farther than I thought they could, and I waited for his lips to smile but it never came. He simply stared at the positive test. He began to worry me when his body went rigid; it was almost as if he stopped breathing. "Remus?"

"You're pregnant," he whispered under his breath, not pulling his eyes away from the test.

"Yes! Isn't this exciting! We're going to be parents!" I held his hands but he didn't react. "Remus... are you not happy?"

"H-how- how did this happen?" He whispered and I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I'm going to guess it was when you didn't wear a condom a couple of weeks ago," I teased him, hoping to hear a laugh but there was nothing. "Remus-,"

"We can't... I can't," he muttered and there was a pain in my heart.

"What do you mean? Of course we can!" I was starting to panic internally.

"I can't- I need some air," he said quickly, turning and walking back out the door quicker then light. Pure panic erupted within me and I immediately ran out after him, looking desperately up and down the street but there was no sign of him. I assumed that perhaps he had apparated somewhere, and I couldn't stop myself from collapsing next to our garden gate, tears falling from my eyes.

I probably looked pathetic, crouched on the ground whilst clinging onto the gate and crying my eyes out. Was this just self-doubt or was this him saying he doesn't want children? Was this saying he doesn't want a secure life with me or was this saying he doesn't want to be with me at all anymore?

On wobbly legs I stood, trying to think where he could've been. It was possible he went to his dad's, but they hadn't spoken in months to I thought perhaps not. He had to come back, he just had to so I went to the living room and sat on the sofa, subconsciously placing a hand on my belly. I reached for the box of tissues, finding myself crying even harder as my mind ran away with thoughts of him leaving me over this. 'No... he wouldn't do such a thing, would he?'

- Remus' POV -

I stood outside my dads house, it about to be the first time I would've seen him in a year. I didn't know who else to turn to as I thought about the situation at hand. (y/n)'s positive pregnancy test sat in my pocket, and seeing the look of panic on her face just before I walked out the door haunted my mind. All I wanted to do was make her happy but there was one fact that remained: I didn't want a child.