I'll Be There

23 | issues/hold on

"Spencer, what did you do?! I don't have any more time," Olivia rushed to the coffee table, knowing she couldn't salvage what was already ruined. The hours she had spent revising and sorting, gone.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?!" she grappled for anything that would make sense in this moment. All the research that she had meticulously organized over the past week had been swept to the side to make room for his laptop and playbooks.

Slow to react, Spencer rubbed his temples before raising his gaze to meet hers. Seeing the defeated look in his eyes, she held her breath. "Wha - , what's wrong?" she stuttered.

"They still not starting me this weekend," he dropped his head back down, punching his fist into his palm. The whistles from the game film playing on his laptop filled the silence of the apartment.

She let out a loud breath. "You'll be okay," she nodded. Kneeling down at the other side of the coffee table, she started collecting the sticky notes that had fallen under it.

"I spent months coming back. PT, extra workouts, meeting with my coaches." He stood and started pacing along the space between the couch and the table. Meanwhile, Olivia moved the playbooks that were scattered over her work.

"Just breathe," she encouraged while simultaneously failing to take her own advice.

"You don't understand, Liv."

The panic rose in her voice now that she knew no lives were at stake. "Spencer, I understand, I do. But right now, I need to fix this. I need to get this all back in order."

"What more do they want me to do," Spencer slammed his laptop shut.

"Baby, remember what I told you. You'll come back. It just takes time." Olivia frantically scanned the pages, trying to recall the order she had them in.

"Liv, I need you to listen to me right now. I - "

"I can't!" she dropped the pages, her voice cracking as she tried to speak over him.

"Don't you have this saved on a computer or something?" he finally noticed her hands shaking as she brush her curls away from her face and once again picked up the pieces of paper.

"No, I had it all laid out to help me visualize. There were piles, and there were labels, and they were helping me pinpoint what's missing... an-and now there are no piles, no labels, and no time," she fumbled over her words as she shuffled through the pages. "I lost track of my work because I wanted to make time for you, Simone, and Theo. Except now I'm behind on an article I've been working on for months. And it's not perfect, yet. It needs to be perfect. This - "

"Hold up, what'd you say?" he stopped her.

"I was saying this was supposed to be my year."

"No, about me?"

"That I just wanted to spend time with you, and I let it get in the way of my work," she sunk back onto her heels, letting her shoulders fall in defeat as she looked up at him.

One look at the disappointment on her face, and his voice softened. Kneeling down next to her, he reached over to console her. "Liv, I didn't - "

"I need a minute," she pressed the insides of her wrists into her eyes. "Just a minute, it's been a long day."

Setting her work carefully on the ground, she slowly picked herself up and created some space between them, knowing she had to calm herself down before they went any further.

In their room, she sat at the edge of the bed, wondering what she had done to deserve this day. It felt like one thing after the other was hitting her all at once. But instead of letting her mind spiral, she resorted to one of the many self-soothing techniques she had learned over the years. Sliding onto the floor, she crossed her legs and focused on her breath.