I'll Be There

41 | this woman's work

There wasn't an ounce of anger left in him as he watched the minuscule hand instinctually wrap around his finger, like a magnet clinging to its kin. All the defensiveness and irritability and rage that had been slowly consuming him out of his fear of the unknown, fear of what he couldn't control, evaporated. And what was left was a feeling he couldn't yet process.

"Beautiful."

Spencer turned to his left, catching the tail end of Simone's words. Her warm hand drew circles on his back, providing the last bit of comfort she had left to give.

"How are you feeling?" she murmured.

"I don't—" He paused, hoping that he could change course, hoping that the right description, the proper emotion, would come to him. But nothing did. He felt hollow. "I don't know," he mumbled.

Simone began to speak, consoling him, but he was no longer listening. The delicate eyelids in front of him, sealed shut over light brown eyes, which he was told would deepen in color with time, fluttered quickly. Then a tiny breath pushed past pursed, crinkled lips, and both of their breathing regained a steady cadence.

"How do I—" he tried to ask, but the right words still weren't coming.

"You'll figure it out," Simone assured him. "Day by day."

The pressure welled up behind his eyes, but he couldn't let the tears fall. He had his baby to watch over. He didn't want these first memories clouded with whatever it was he was experiencing. There had been enough emotion in the past week to last him a life time.

__________

SUNDAY, 11:30PM

"And there's our heartbeat," the nurse announced as the ultrasound wand glided across Olivia's belly.

The suffocatingly thick air, that seemed to wrap around her neck, decided to show Olivia some mercy.

"There are no signs of anything unusual, but we'll keep you under supervision for the night."

Olivia swallowed and nodded. Then she looked over to her right, to Spencer, who sat frozen, his eyes trained on the wall, empty.

"I'll be back in a bit to move you two to a different room."

"Thank you," Olivia mumbled.

The door closed behind the nurse, leaving them in the piercing silence of the emergency room. The positive news had done little to relieve her of her anxieties. Physically, there was a dull throb in her hip, joined by the subtle ache in her lower back, that amplified her discomfort. There was also Spencer's right hand, which he kept cradled inside his left. But worst of all was the stillness in her stomach that made the slow-moving, late night action of the hospital appear bustling in comparison.

"Hey," she whispered, getting Spencer's attention. "Help me down." There were three steps next to the bed that she could use to get down just fine, but she asked for his assistance anyways.

"Liv, I'm so sorry," he mumbled into her ear for the tenth time that night.

She shook her head, looping her arm over his shoulder. "It wasn't your fault."

"I almost hurt the baby."

"But you didn't."

"I hurt you."

"I'll be okay," she insisted, leaning her forehead against his ear and closing her eyes as he shifted her weight off of the bed.

"Where do you want to sit?" he asked once he realized that the bed was the most reasonable spot for her to rest.