a succubi's problems - jjk x bts

chapter thirty-two

Jeongguk stares at his bedding he can barely see through the darkness of his room, panting. His hand on his chest, palm flat against his frantically racing heart and fingers bunched up in the shirt he was too tired to remove before he'd crashed just a few hours prior.

Why had he dreamt that? Of all things, of all fucking moments, why one of the worst nights of his entire life? Especially after having one of the best, not too long before? Was his mind playing tricks on him — did it want him to be miserable? Take away any and all lingering happiness and love he'd felt by replacing it with a memory Jeongguk had been going sick to death trying to repress for all these years?

Jeongguk slows his breathing down enough that he's not gasping for breaths anymore, closes his eyes and waits for his heart go stop bashing the insides of his ribcage, long enough that the fear and the dread gets replaced with something else, something a little more tender. Like the full-body bruise Jeongguk was sure had healed coming back, full throttle, aching and purpling by the minute. Like every time he moved it was getting prodded on the side of a sharp kitchen counter, pricking tears in his eyes, aching behind his eyelids.

Jeongguk doesn't want to be alone. Namjoon, is his first thought. But he doesn't want to taint the moment they'd shared not too long ago, doesn't want namjoon to see it differently, see Jeongguk differently. He doesn't want to tell anyone about the nightmare, be forced to talk about it. Recount it, like he knows namjoon would ask him to do. The next person that immediately springs to mind — hoseok.

Comfort — hoseok, of course, hoseok.

Jeongguk forces his legs to swing over the edge of the bed, forces his heavy-feeling body to stand and then to carry him out his bedroom door and down the hallway, all the way towards where he knows hoseoks room is. He bites his lip, nibbling on the small cut that's still there until metallic bursts in his mouth, and knocks on the door.

He isn't expecting a response, it's too late for hoseok to be up. Should be too late, anyways. He's expecting to open the door, peak his head in, and see hoseok asleep under his covers, and hopefully Jeongguk can just slip in without the other noticing. Soak up his warmth and his comfort and the familiar safety always and forever associated with the dancer, and that would be it.

Instead, he gets a response. A low, barely heard, "come in."

Jeongguk bristles in surprise for a moment before slowly opening the door and peaking his head through the crack, but instead of seeing hoseok bundled up under his covers — he's sitting at his desk, laptop illuminating his face in pretty blue shadow in the otherwise pitch black room. He looks tired, and worn, but still very much awake, notepad open next to his laptop, his messy handwriting scribbled out across the page in red pen, crossed out sentences and smudged ink like he was writing too fast for the ink to dry — way too fast for this time of night.

An orange bottle of pills standing like a soldier next to it all.

"Jeonggukie? Why are you awake?" Hoseok asks, taking off his headphones and placing them on the table, turning towards Jeongguk fully, who was still silent and processing in the doorway. "I thought you were namjoon here to tell me off," he chuckles, but it sounds dry, and a little sad, and Jeongguk wants to cry.

"I, uh — ju—just—"

Hoseok stands, hearing Jeongguks watery tone, his voice crack, the way he's still hiding behind the door and not stepped fully into his room — hoseok pulls the door open fully and places a gentle hand on Jeongguks cheek, searching his face with quick little anxious movements. "You okay? What's wrong?"

Jeongguk had wanted to ask him that. Hoseoks slouchy shoulders, messy hair, deep, dark eye bags — somehow it makes everything worse. Somehow this, paired with the shock of the memory, forces tears to Jeongguks eyes, hoseoks sees them, thumb coming up to rub at the corner of Jeongguks eye, wipe away the tears that haven't yet spilt before they have a chance to. Jeongguk swallows around a dry throat.