A New Road ➢ Thomas Brodie Sangster

Broken

"Are you sure you're okay? I can get you a flight to come-" Thomas started, holding my hands as I dropped him off at the airport, 2 weeks after Ki's wedding.

"I'm fine. And it's good that I get a little time to myself. I'll be fine just, have fun, enjoy your time at home, and call me as soon as you land," I say while I stand on my tip toes to give him a quick kiss on the lips.

We've been a little distant lately. It was like he was afraid I might do something drastic. But the thing was, I was afraid of that too. Doubt, and so much of it, kept creeping up on me at the best moments.

He gave me a weak smile, "I promise, I will."

"Good,"

Thomas pulled me into a too-tight-of-a-hug, "I love you, you know? I'm gonna miss you a bloody lot."

"I love you too," I muffled into his shirt.

He squeezed my hand one last time and walked toward security.

I watched him as he walked. He was going back to England for some promotional stuff for Thunderbirds Are Go! and also to spend time with his family.

He missed them an awful lot, his sister and parents. I felt bad for feeling like I kept him from his family. I bet he regrets staying so long here and apart from where he actually lived.

Thoughts like this have continually been creeping into my head the past 2 weeks.

I walked to my car in the parking lot and just sat in there.

I felt my throat start to tighten and felt the heat behind my eyes and my chest started to shake. Soon enough, the tears were streaming down my face and I was sobbing.

All of the disappointment, feeling like I may have caused Thomas pain, causing myself pain, always screwing up my relationships, came out. I don't want to screw up this one.

But I can't help but feel this doubt.

That out of something so good, one thing just had to go wrong.

That somehow I would end up heartbroken again.

And soon enough, my heart would shatter and I wouldn't be able to put the pieces back together again.

I'd be broken.

But with Thomas, he helped to put those pieces fully back together. He mended the seams.

Then why am I so filled with doubt and fear?

I eventually calmed down and started the car, but only to turn it back off before I pulled out.

I needed to talk to someone about it. Someone who understood what I actually needed to hear. Not that bullshit of "You're just crazy" or "if you feel like that, end it". I needed someone who knew me.

Thank god for brothers.

Henry picked up on the third ring.

"What's up, lil sis?" he said with a laugh.

"Hey, do you have like half an hour to spare to help your sister?" I say shrugging my shoulders but he, of course, cannot see that.

"Well was it about?" he said, the concern in his voice rising.

"Thomas. Well- me and Thomas. Wait no- it's just, it's me." I say, struggling to form ideas.

"It's happening again isn't it?" he says, his disappointment evident in his tone.

"If by again you mean always freaking out when things are going really well? Then yes. But you know that I can't help it. " I say, trying to make up for my problems.

"Jade. I've told you before. You can help it. You just always get scared whenever things are really good. With Ian-"

"Don't say his name," anger fills my voice.

"If you can't get over your first heartbreak, how are you ever going to fix your inner problems? If you don't fix it, you're not only screwing up your life, you're screwing up Thomas'. Don't do that. I've seen you with him and I've seen in his eyes he cares so much about you. Fix this, Jade. You've got to fully realize that in all of your relationships, it isn't your boyfriend that's the problem. It was you. Your fear and your doubt in what was good. Have faith. Faith is having no doubts."

I stay silent for a few minutes, "Thank you,"

"You're welcome. Now, you're not gonna like this but, I think you should talk to Ian. Try to, not forgive him, but confront the issue at hand."

I thought long and hard about what Henry just suggested. If I wanted to fix my problems and stay with Thomas, I needed to do this. I wanted to do this.

"Okay. How do I do it?"

______

16 April, 2015

Hey guys, it's Lillian here. I know, this chapter is a little, "ehh". Not a lot of romance, but it's nice to see a little brotherly-sisterly moment. And she broke down, fully broke down.

Next chapter will be longer, this is kind of short, I think.

I am going to work on a playlist soon.

Updates will be slow because I have an upcoming AP test on the 8th of May and Finals/EOCs are also next month too.

Let me know what you think.

Also, if you have a twitter, follow and ask for a follow back!! I'll do it!! It is the same thing as my @ on here. (I'm not that original).

Goodnight,

Lillian Xx