Alone Awaken

Chapter 40: Remi

"Patient zero had many signs of depression and a lack of ability to express their thoughts and feelings due to past trauma. In general, they were unwilling to commit to any relationship regardless of family or friend. My thought process was simple: How can music therapy help them become happy enough to open up and allow a relationship to be built or rebuilt?"

Colton clicks to the next slide. "I hypothesize that music.." he pauses and looks at me. "That music about love integrated into one's life can promote mood change and ultimately give the ability to feel love again." His eyes fill with sorrow. "This will be shown through progression of music performed by patient zero. Displaying hopelessness at the beginning to pure joy towards the end."

Colton, what did you do? My mind starts to race. I hear my heart ringing in my ears.

He presses a button on the laptop and music plays. My music. Years worth of music I've played here, at this school in this very music building. Alone with those cold keys. My fingers feel the sting of the past. I press my nails into my palms to make the feeling go away.

I close my eyes and listen to the music bounce off the sound boards. I search my brain for answers. Each passing song brings me back to each week remembering my brother. How I was the one that was suppose to die. I should never have been here. I should have never met Colton... that day! My USB drive. It clicks and my eyes shot open. I went back for my USB drive in the practice room, but Colton said it wasn't there.

My eyes begin to burn. He had it this entire fucking time? No no no no no. He's heard all of it, all my pain that was meant for me and only me. How could he do this and display it for every fucking person here to listen to. I feel so violated, so disgusted that this man used me for his own personal gain. What the fuck!
Everything was a lie. All those songs he played to me, all that time he spent with me, loving me. I gave myself to him. He never meant it. He never loved you. "Colton isn't perfect." This is what Tori was warning me about.

My stomach begins to ache with rage and I can't stand to sit and listen to any of this. He can keep my music, my pain. I don't want it anymore. I don't want any memory of this or him. None.

Before I know it, I'm standing. I'm standing staring at him. He hasn't stopped looking at me. His chest rising and falling in uneven patterns. He's scared. I shake my head no and move as fast as I can to get out of this auditorium, out of this place. I stumble over my boots and practically fall into the aisle. I look over my shoulder and Colton's already moving across the stage. Get up. Run.

I muffle a cry I so desperate want to scream out of me. I look away and run.