Alone Awaken

Chapter 44: Colton

The door creaks open and a sliver of light spreads across the floor and walls. Must be time for my pills. Something to numb me more. But a light breath caresses the air. "Colton?"

My eyes widen. Is this a dream am I hallucinating on these fucking pills. Remi is here? It can't be. I lean forward and struggle to heave myself higher up on the bed so I'm sitting.

She walks in and it's her. My heart sinks. She's so beautiful. Her hair down tangled into the hood of her sweatshirt. Her oversized puffer jacket loosely hangs to her elbows as she pulls it off and places it at the foot of the bed. I'm in shock and can't move. She came.

The chair next to me scratches as she pulls it next to the bed. And sits down crossing her legs and let's her heavy booted foot dangle. She pulls at her sleeves and I know she's nervous. I fight with myself to stay seated and try to say something. But I can't. If I say anything, I feel like all this will go away. Instead I'll listen and wait.

Remi clears her throat. "Lexi, Uhm told me what happened. Are you going to be ok?"

Ok? Ok? I haven't been ok for weeks since you left me and I deserve that. I deserve what happened to me. But I can't seem to say the words.

Remi leans forward the retreats just as fast and leans against the chair. No come close, please.

"She told me about your hands. Can I... can I see?" She points softly to them and unfolds her fingers willing to let me touch her. I stare at them, so gentle, so smooth. I love you. I look down at my own hands, me left hand wrapped in bandages and my right still casted with more awkward bandages. I lift them and place them in hands. The size of my cast alone swallows up her small hands. My body shutters when she delicately looks then over.

"Can-you.. can you feel my touch?" Oh my god this can't be happening. My chest starts to ache and my breathe hitches. Before I know it tears come down my face. Remi looks at me and gently places me hands down. No keep holding me. But instead her hands cradle my jaw. She wipes my tears away with her thumbs. "Colton sh-sh-sh. It's ok. I'm here. It'll be ok."

I swallow the ball in my throat. "It's not ok Remi. I hurt you and you left and I'm so sorry. I deserve this. I deserve everything I love to be taken from me." I close my eyes and I feel the bed sink to my side and suddenly I feel warmth. I smell honey. I open my eyes and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Remi is holding me. She wrapped her arms around my front and back and her body has enveloped me into her small frame. I bring my casted arm up and around her neck and bring her face to mind and I kiss her.

She doesn't fight me. She kisses back. Slow and soft and her sweet taste makes me whimper under her. She pulls back and I let her. I'll let her do anything she wants.

"You don't deserve this." Remi sits back on her knees so we're face to face. "I understand now what you did and I should be grateful. That someone cares about me enough to try something... different, to help." She wraps her hands around my forearm. I close my eyes in relief. When I open them again she's looking down at my hands.

"Lexi, said you stayed outside for hours. I know why. You felt nothing." She looks back at me with tears in her eyes. "You felt nothing and didn't care if anything happened to you. I know because I was there. I was in that same place for years until... you." I nod my head yes so she knows I understand. Her eyes soften. "Colton, I do love you. I never stopped." Tears start falling down her cheeks and I try so hard to move my fingers so I can touch her but I can't. Fuck these bandages. I lean closer and rest my forehead on hers and it feels incredible. I slowly exhale all the weight that's been heavy on my heart.

"Remi, I love you too. I'll never do anything to make you feel hurt again. I want you to know I trust you with everything. With my life. And I'll spend every last second of it proving it to you. Baby I'm not going anywhere... I kinda can't walk." And she laughs. She lifts her head and she laughs.

"Omg." She slaps her mouth shut with her hands and the pure embarrassment fills my throat with laughter. "Stop laughing! That's not funny." I lean back against the propped up bed and just smile down at her. Remi has brought me back. She won't admit it, but she fixed me.

"I'll be fine. As long as you're by my side, everything will be fine."

She smiles and I open my arm to the side for her. Without any hesitation, Remi lays down next to me and fits perfectly. I rest my cheek on her soft head and close my eyes.

"I heard a song the other day. It reminds me of us. Do you want to hear it?" I slowly nod so she can feel it against her hair. "Ok." Remi clears her throat and the most beautiful version of Is That Alright by Lady Gaga quietly fills the room. And when she's done, it's almost like that question of a life with her hangs in the air.

I pull Remi in closer. "Yes. It's all right."