Alone Awaken

Chapter 28: Colton

I replayed the last hour in my head. How quickly the night had changed from fun and laughter to a whirlwind of emotions that ultimately resulted in a confession that I've known about for weeks. How do I tell her that I already knew? Fuck, will she hate me for knowing, will she feel embarrassed? Maybe I shouldn't tell her at all. But can I live with that?

I've contemplated this question the whole drive back to the soccer house. Luckily the yard is empty and it's quiet. No need for a party tonight when the whole fucking campus has left. I park my car at the end of the driveway and make it up the porch.

"You're back late." I snap my head in the direction of the voice and see it's Josh smoking a cigarette with one leg hanging off the porch railing. He only smokes when he's stressed.

"Jesus Josh!" I grab my chest to slow my heart racing. "You fucking scared me." I step towards him and lean against the banister and slide my hands in my pockets. "What's up with you?" I nod in the direction of his cig.

"Tomorrow's it." He takes a long drag and slowly blows it in my direction.

"What are you talking about?" I wave the smoke out of my face. He never cares if the smoke bothers people.

"To-mor-row.." he speaks to me like I'm slow. "..it's our last match of the year. Doesn't that bother you?" He looks away at the empty street.

"Bother me? Why would it bother me? Yeah it's my last game, ever, but I had a good ride and it's time to move on." I shrug because it really isn't a big deal. I've loved soccer and it's been part of my identity, but I'm ready to move on to better things for myself, music therapy will be my new identity.

"Yeah, well, I don't like it. The team will suck once you're gone." Josh rubs his cigarette out on the banister and flicks it in the yard. My eyes follow as it falls in the overgrown grass.

"Well you'll be the oldest, you'll be the one to lead the team." I place my hand on his shoulder. "You're ready, you don't need me."

Josh hangs his head and gives a chuckle. "Yeah, alright." Josh shrugs my hand off his shoulder and thuds his boots on the porch to leave. He stalls for a second with his back to me. "You know, you're spending too much time with that Rem chick. For someone who's leaving his team and friends, you don't seem very upset..." Josh turns to face me. "...is she that good of a fuck?"

My eyes widen and I instantly shove him away from me. "Don't you ever fucking speak about my girlfriend like that, ever!" I straighten up and clench my fists. If he's looking for a fight, I'll give him one. I don't care about Josh's friendship anymore. Not when he spits shit.

Josh gives a wicked smile. "Your girlfriend Huh?" Josh takes one step towards me. "When were you going to tell us, me, your fucking friend? You don't care, you never cared." Josh steps back. "I guess you really do have a new identity, a pussy boy being whipped by his old lady."

I grab his shirt and pull him to me so his face is an inch away from me. Fuck I want to hit him. No, just one more game. I let go of Josh and push him back with barely any effort. "I get it, you're upset, so you're taking it out on me. It's pathetic, but I get it." I side step to walk away.

"You know Colt, if she's gone, what will you have? After tomorrow you won't have a team and you sure as hell won't have a friend. Kelsey won't even speak to you."

I stop and slightly turn towards him. "Kelsey's a bitch, I'm glad she isn't speaking to me. As for Remi, she will never leave me. She loves me and I love her. I know love is a hard thing for you to understand, but it's real with me and her." I grab the door and push it open. "Just move on Josh and stop blaming others for whatever is upsetting you." I slam the door behind me and don't look back.

A single light is lit by my desk. I sit on my bed next to it and stare at the purple USB drive. I pick it up and move it between my fingers. It's smooth and cold and weighs heavily on my hands. I have everything I need for my presentation in a couple weeks. The music, the recorded files, even the confession Remi gave me tonight. But how can I do this, what started off as an experiment has truly brought me to love this magnificent girl. I can't hide that from her. I want her to know that I helped her in more ways than loving her.

I grasp the USB drive in my hand and plug it in my laptop. The files emerge onto the screen and I click on each one. Slowly listening to the progression of her darkness of depression being brought to light, when today, she played a new version of her. Filled with light and airiness that blends hope with strength. So... happy. I couldn't believe it. She didn't feel any pain when she played.

The bluetooth I connected to the music room has worked well, giving me all her music directly imported to my computer. I never thought in a million years it would have worked but fuck, it worked. My hypothesis was simple. To apply music to someone dealing with issues and focus on love. Through listening and playing music, one can relieve these issues they're dealing with to ultimately be happy. It's music therapy 101. But I focused on love. Love songs and to be loved. And I used it on her. I don't regret what I did because it allowed me to fall in love with her. It showed me more of Remi and the side she hides.

I click on the final file. It's a piece Ive been composing, titled Alone Awaken. It represents Remi and I. She felt alone and unwanted but I've awaken something in her that's been dormant for years, love. With that love, I press record and continue playing, adding on my emotions and my feelings and let my love for Remi pulse down to my fingers and guide my hands. I now truly understand how she plays, how she lets her feelings unfold onto the keys. She's given me not only the gift of love, but another side of music I could never understand. To play with my heart.