Alone Awaken

Chapter 34: Colton

Remi sits there behind the steering wheel looking away from me towards the cemetery at rows of granite headstones. She's silently waiting for me to say something.

I understand now. Everything makes sense. Why she doesn't drink, why she doesn't party, why she doesn't have friends, why she has the desperate need to make things right in a medical career and help others. She's been alone for four years because she thought she deserved it, when really a drunk driver was the reason they got into that car crash.

The intense feeling of blame caused her to be silent and the only way she could let herself out, was to play. Her talent came from hate and depression and I can't help but feel ashamed for using this for my own personal gain. I need to tell her the truth but I can't. I can't say it out loud. If I tell her about my project then all her progress would halt. She would revert back to her inner demons and blame herself for what I did. You can't.

I keep my eyes on her waiting for her to look at me. Nothing.

She refused to speak for a whole year, in and out of therapy until her parents sat her down and placed prescription pills in front of her. They gave her an ultimatum; talk or take the pills. So she spoke. She told them what they needed to hear and was always home, so they lived with that. She spoke more and more each passing month until her acceptance letter from Fredonia came in the mail. Her parents were so proud but Remi couldn't help but hate herself even more. To take the dream her brother had always wanted and go to college and live.

Remi turns to me and gives me a weak smile. She unlocks the door and gets out closing the door behind her without looking back. I hastily reach for the car door keeping me eyes on her. She can't leave me, no.

She said the day she found the practice rooms felt like a sign from Austin. That she was meant to be there even when she knew she didn't deserve it. Years she played and played to feel and to remember Austin and what she did to him. To never forget the life she took.

Remi stops and turns towards a headstone that reflects the autumn light into her eyes. She falls to her knees and places a hand on the stone in front of her. I jog up to her and kneel down next to her. I don't know what I'm doing but I need to hold her. I wrap my arms around her and let her fall into me. She feels so small but her breathing is fine. She's relaxed. She's calm. I pull back to look at her and a single tear falls down her perfect face. She turns back to her brothers grave.

Austin Dean Phillips
A friend. A brother. A son.
"It's easy to stand with the crowd. It takes courage to stand alone." -ghandi

"Austin was a big fan of Ghandi. I always made fun of him for it." She gives a sad laugh and leans away and holds her head up. "It wasn't until he was gone that I actually read the guy's stuff. It made me feel closer to Austin." She pulls a couple of dead leaves out of the bed of flowers that were recently replaced. "I gave mom and dad this quote when they were filling out the headstone forms..." She picks up a fallen mini soccer ball off the ground and places it back with the other small tokens of love left by family and friends. "They added it without question thinking it was his favorite quote. When really, it was for myself. He always told me to be myself and to stay away from pretty much every person I knew. Which he was right. They were shitty people." She wipes her nose with her black sleeve. "It's just fucked up that it took him dying for me to see that."

Remi entangles her fingers into mine and stands guiding me with her. She looks down and continues.

"I know this is a lot of baggage and I get it if you want to leave. I'm ready to face that and I'm just thankful you came into my life because.. because I'm not sure how much longer I would have lasted." She looks up at me and I look into her eyes.

I could never let this perfect woman go.

"Come here." I softly wrap her into me and kiss her hair. I breath her in. "Nothing in your past could change my feelings for you..." she holds me tighter. "...I was meant to find you that Friday afternoon. I know that now. There was something I saw in you that day that tightened this string between us. Where ever you went, I wanted to be there with you and that's never changing." I lean back and reach my lips to hers and press against her soft warm lips and breath in slowly. I feel her pull back and I open my eyes and Remi's cheeks and nose are bright read. Her eyes stained from tears.

"You ready?" I nod to her.

She nods and looks down one last time. "I'm ready."

We walk to her car with our bond stronger.

I'll tell her later.