Alone Awaken

Chapter 3: Remi

"Where is it?!" I yell to myself.

Thankfully there's no one here to witness myself unfold to my panic. I was able to get into a single dorm this year. My mother wasn't too thrilled when I started apartment searching off campus. She thinks it's too dangerous for a young lady like myself to live alone. Insert eye roll. I've been doing everything on my own, living by myself shouldn't be any different. But after countless arguments, I just gave up and let her win. I honestly didn't care at one point. At least I don't have to worry about cleaning the fucking toilets.

I toss another pillow off the bed in hopes that my flash drive randomly plopped itself onto my bed. I know it's here somewhere, I just have to keep looking. I kick my dirty laundry in anger and watch as a balled-up pair of dirty socks fly against my door. Ugh, how could I lose it. I rub my temples in hopes to calm myself. I've never lost anything in my entire life.. except for him.

No no no, just take a deep breath and breathe. I push my hands in front of me as if I'm pushing away the breakdown I was having. Where did you last have it? Yeah, let's start there. And then realization dawned on me. "Fuuuuuuuck!" I scream at the top of my lungs until my throat is hoarse.

No way I left it there! How could I be so dumb?! How could I be so careless?! So distracted?! Damn him and whatever his name was. Why can't I remember his name? Cole? Maybe if I go to the music hall I can see if any "Cole" signed up for a room recently. I just pray to god he didn't hear anything. No one has ever heard me play. Those are my emotions for only me to feel.

I grab my wallet, keys and slip on my boots as fast as I can. I hurry to the door taking one last glance incase I needed something else. I pull the door open and feel the gust of wind push my long hair past my shoulders. I turn and stop dead in my tracks to see Nick with his arm raised about to knock on my door.

Nick was the RA on my dorm floor. He was your typical blonde blue eye preppy boy that had to succeed in everything. I met him during orientation to go over the "rules of the building" first week of the semester. My lack of participation sparked his interest to make me "feel at home." I only tolerated him because it was mandatory. I don't know why colleges make you participate. You're taking my money, let me do what the fuck I want. But Nick was genuinely a nice guy and did make me feel.. comfortable. So I just endured him every time he came by.

"Ah, Nick!" I'm caught of guard.
"Ah, Remi!" He starts laughing. His laugh always did make my lip twitch into somewhat of a smile.

"Sorry Nick, I cant talk, I left something in my class and I need to get there before they lock the rooms before the weekend."

He gives a forgiving wave. "I was just checking on you, I thought I heard you yelling and I just wanted to check up on you. Is everything cool?"

Fuck, he's so nice to me. I shrug him off the least hurtful way I can.

"Yeah I'm cool." I close the door and lock it.
"Well, do you want company while you head back to your class?" He asks brightly.
"No!" I spat without thinking. If I bring him to the music room, he'll ask questions. Questions leads to talking and talking leads to unfolding my entire life without knowing it. Nope, nope, nope.

He just stares at my response. No reaction, just waiting.

"Uh, bye." I walk away. I don't look back. Looking back tells the person the door is still open. The door for me will never be open. Not for anyone.

I hurry down three flights of stares. I don't take the elevator because I never have the patience to wait, let alone get into a small box with strangers that either smell or don't shut the fuck up. Plus it keeps my endurance up.

I push the door open and walk out to the main campus. My dorm building is attached to the main center where everyone comes for books, convenient store and the main dining hall. It's always busy, but this was the only building that offered single dorm living. The upside of living here was how close the classrooms were. It's literally a three minute walk to all my classes. The music building is the furthest away, but if I pick up the pace to a speed walk, I don't run, I can get there in no time.

As I walk, I notice how lively the campus is today. A Friday afternoon on the warmest day of the month literally brings out everyone. As the sidewalk splits, I veer to the right and I past a group of barefoot kids, tightroping between two Birch trees. They jimmy-rigged a rope between two trees to do this. I'm slightly impressed. Further down, I see another group of kids hula-hooping and swinging glow lights on strings around them so effortlessly. Its daylight, but ok. I think this is why I fell in love with this campus. These kids aren't afraid to be themselves. They're creative in their own way, yet found other people to bask in their enjoyment. I don't judge these individuals, I solute them for being confident enough to not give a fuck what others think. But all in all, they're still cliques. And with cliques come controversy, which of course I avoid. Being alone is always the best option.

I pass a stone wall. It's just around this corner. I climb the steps, one boot thud after the next. I pull the door open and brush pass the front desk to the room sign-outs. I frantically skim the names in hopes that his name will show. Colton room 2B. Colton.. yes yes he said Colton. I turn down the hall and head to 2B. I stop and stare at the handle. I grasp my hands together and start twisting my fingers. I bite my lip. What if he opened my music, what if he listened to it. I shake my thoughts away and knock twice on the door.