Alone Awaken

Chapter 15: Remi

I see a boy with green eyes and curly hair. He's laughing so hard. I want to know what he's laughing about. I try to walk to him but I'm not moving. I keep trying and trying but I can't seem to move. The boy turns towards me. He mouths Hi Remi! But I hear nothing. Why can't I hear him? Why can't I get to him? The boy with green eyes starts to fade away. No! I move my legs faster but they feel heavy. They feel like I'm moving through quick sand. I can't move them, why won't they move?! I keep looking into those green eyes as they fade. No!! Come back!!

I snap up from my bed. I'm gasping for air and my chest is moving so fast, as if I ran a marathon. I place my hand on my chest and try to calm myself down. It was just a dream, you're ok, you're fine.

Fuck, who am I kidding, you're not fine.

The boy with green eyes.. I haven't dreamt of his eyes in what feels like forever. I honestly don't even remember the last time I dreamt of anything. I've closed myself off emotionally for so long, I just see darkness as I sleep.

I blink rapidly to allow my eyes to adjust to the dark room. Colton. I look down at my bed expecting him to be here with me. My heart slightly sinks when I see I'm alone. Don't be stupid, we just met. He was right to leave when I had fallen asleep.

I lean over to my nightstand and turn on my desk lamp. I start feeling around for my phone. I can't remember the last place I put it. Wow I keep loosing everything. I give up looking on my nightstand and hang my legs off the bed in anticipation to get up. When I look down, I see my feet are bare. Holy fuck. I know I didn't take them off. I keep staring at my white socks. He took them off?! Oh my god.. do my feet smell?! I quickly grab my foot and awkwardly bring it to my face. That didn't work. Im really out of shape. I lean over like a monkey with its foot. Sniff sniff. They don't smell and I let go of my foot in relief.

I push myself off my bed and walk to the door to switch on the lights. I pass the mirror and witness the mess staring back at me. My topknot is lopsided and my under eyes are slightly puffy. I look terrible. I pull my hoodie off and remove my biker shorts. I toss them under the bed where my laundry basket is and decided to deal with that mess tomorrow. I open my closet door, which has my dresser inside of it. I open the second drawer and pull one of my favorite band t-shirts. I open the third drawer and grab my softest Aerie sweatpants. I put them on and still feel a bit chilly. I take one of my long black cardigans off the hanger and throw it on. I wrap myself in my cardigan and stare into space. What time is it?

I move towards my desk chair where my backpack is hanging. I open the front zipper and see my phone. Oh thank god. I press the side button, 5:52a.m. My jaw drops. I'm wide awake. When did I pass out? I laugh to myself. I haven't been up this early since I was sneaking out of peoples houses in high school.

My friends and I would tell our parents that we were spending the night at each other's house, when actually we'd be at a party. Mostly senior parties that we'd hear about at school the day before. No one ever questioned who we were. Everyone at the party was usually plastered by the time we got there. We'd join-in on whatever they were doing. Drinking, smoking, it really didn't matter, just as long as we were having fun. What I thought was fun. Eventually, I'd pass out and my wake up call would be a vigorous shake of some random person telling me to leave before their parents got home. I only did it because everyone else was doing it. It was normal to me and I really didn't know another way to have fun. I didn't play sports and I wasn't in any after-school activities. Partying was my after-school activity. It wasn't until my partying impacted someone else's life, that made me stop. How my actions caused someone else's mishap. The guilt of it all was too much and I couldn't bring myself to drink again. I wouldn't let myself lose control like that, incase history repeated itself.