i really loved him

chapter 11

Regulus POV

April - Easter was hard. Regulus was torn between dread and relief at his brother's return home for the holiday. Sirius had avoided him all term and didn't speak word to him, or anyone, from the moment their parents met them at the station. That was better than causing trouble, Regulus thought.

Upon their arrival to Grimmauld Place, the way Sirius' body tensed and his eyes grew empty and dim had not gone unnoticed to Regulus, who felt exactly the same, only concealed it better.

Things had changed greatly in the past years. Regulus recalled countless memories from their early childhood, in which he would be forced to stand by and watch as Sirius took the brunt of their parents' discipline. He often remembered with a lurch of his heart how Sirius would stand there, fists clenched, and endure the insults and threats being thrown at him with such stubborn indifference that Regulus thought he must be the bravest boy in the whole world.

And how afterwards, he would laugh about the things they had said, playing it all off as a big joke for Regulus' benefit. And how sometimes when they were younger, in the middle of the night, he would hear terrible, broken sobs coming from his big brother's room and feel so helpless it was near unbearable.

All of these memories had rushed straight back into Regulus' mind as he and Sirius wordlessly followed their parents through the black iron gates, up the stone steps and into Grimmauld Place.

The first few days were surprisingly uneventful. Regulus had dared to hope that they could reach the end of an uneasy, yet not intolerable, holiday without a disaster. But he should have known that Sirius had other ideas.

By some nonsensical logic, Sirius had taken it upon himself to make Easter Sunday more interesting by releasing stink pellets underneath the table at dinner. When they went off, emitting their signature foul-smelling smoke, Bellatrix and Narcissa shrieked and hurried out the room.

Walburga swiftly rose from her seat.

Sirius attempted to scramble away but Orion locked the door with a flick of his wand and rounded on him with an expression so thunderous that Regulus felt like a frightened child again.

"How dare you..." Walburga said softly, eyes pools of ice. "How dare you bring shame on this family. You, Sirius Orion Black," she spat out his name, as if his very existence plagued her, "are insolent, childish, pathetic. You are a tarnish to our good name."

Regulus watched Sirius intently, willing him not to make things worse.

Say nothing, he begged silently, say nothing and they will let you go.

"You are no better than the filthy blood-traitors you associate with," Walburga continued venomously, and that was the breaking point.

"Don't call them blood-traitors!" Sirius shouted. "You're wrong! About the war, and this family, and your precious fucking blood purity—"

"SILENCE, BOY!" Orion roared, grabbing the front of his robes in one fist. He leaned towards him and snarled, much more quietly, "You are unworthy of your name, and of your blood. You disgust me. Kreacher!"

Kreacher apparated at his side and bowed.

"Take the filth to his bedroom and ensure he stays there. If he cannot behave, he will remain out of sight until he learns to."

They disappeared at once, and Regulus was alone with his parents. His hands were shaking so violently that he hid them under the table.

"Return to your room as well, Regulus," Walburga said crisply. "Your father and I have much to discuss."

"Yes, Mother." He hesitated. "Will Sirius—"

"Do not concern yourself with your brother, darling," she smiled, though her voice was dangerous. "You have done nothing wrong. He has, and must face the consequences. Go."