i really loved him

chapter 41

Regulus POV

Monday, 14th February, 1:09 – Something was different again.

Dancing with James might have been the strangest and most wondrous thing that Regulus had ever done. It was surreal and beautiful and likely everything that dance was supposed to be, yet that he had never experienced when all of his partners had just been girls whom his parents had ushered his way.

But now he understood. It wasn't only steps, grace and poise: it was emotion and warmth and peace and comfort and romance, just as James had said.

It was passion. Which might have been why when James reached to unfasten the cloak from around his neck, Regulus let him, despite the ripple of fear.

Both of their cloaks were off now, shoved to the side and forgotten. They were back on the floor of the blanket fort; Regulus sat cross-legged with James kneeling in front of him, one hand beneath his jaw, tipping his head up as he kissed him.

And at first, it was perfect. There was something eager about it all; urgent, almost, without losing any of the tenderness that Regulus had grown used to. It was sweet, and longing, overwhelming to the point at which he didn't quite know what to do with himself.

He brought a hand up, latching it onto James' tie and using it to pull him closer. The other boy was happy to oblige; he leaned in, brushing his tongue past Regulus' lips and easing it into his mouth. Heart skittering, Regulus uncrossed his legs and shifted them to the side, making space for James to shuffle towards him, then interlaced his fingers around the back of his neck.

But another ripple of unease passed through him as James lightly, yet purposefully placed a hand just above his knee. It didn't stay there. It slid up his thigh as James' breaths grew heavier, past the crease of his hip, running over his stomach and chest, fingers slowly tracing along the line of his collarbone.

That was when the older boy started to gently push him, using the pressure on his chest to lower him back onto the cushioned floor, as the other hand slipped around to cradle the nape of his neck. Then James crawled on top of him.

He planted his knees either side of Regulus' hips and bowed low so as not to break the kiss, soft but desperate, tongue warm and wet against his. To this, Regulus let out a gasp of surprise, which James took for pleasure and responded with a low moan against his lips.

Regulus closed his eyes, kissing back, trying to enjoy the heat and the weight of James upon him but he couldn't, not now that the unease was escalating to dread. He didn't understand it. But there was no time to think now.

A gentle tugging at his neck told him without having to look that James was hastily loosening his tie, finally pulling back from his lips to do so. He fumbled with it for a few seconds, before slipping it away and discarding it to the side.

He paused.

Regulus opened his eyes. Moving the hand from his neck, planting it on the floor beside his head, James gazed straight back at him with an intensity that sent shivers of fear up his spine.

"Can I?" he whispered.

His breaths were harsh and ragged, and a fierce hunger that Regulus had never seen before burned within his usually laughing eyes. It frightened him. He glanced down to see James' fingers resting on the top button of his shirt.

Asking to undo it. Asking to do a lot more.

Regulus looked up at him and swallowed in a dry throat.

James' hand where it lay on his chest grew heavier every moment it remained there until the weight of it crushed him, making it difficult to breathe. The dread turned sickening.