i really loved him

chapter 16

Monday, 6th October – The next day was interesting, to say the least.

Regulus walked into the great hall for breakfast having scarcely slept the night before, keeping his gaze fixed forward away from the Gryffindor table.

He had returned to the dorm promptly after composing himself up on the tower; there was no use in continuing with the star chart, not now that his focus was firmly aimed elsewhere.

Then he had proceeded to lie still and awake in bed for hours, wondering why him?

When in reality, he knew exactly why him.

Reflecting on the previous weeks, Regulus soon came to realise the simple fact that the time he had spent with James out on the pitch made him happy. And that happiness wasn't just from the thrill of flight. It was him.

Regulus could be curt and snappish, cold and silent, yet James never failed to greet him with the biggest, warmest grin. Thinking about it set his heart skipping all over again.

And they had agreed to meet that afternoon, which was going to be an issue.

All throughout the day, Regulus found himself completely unable to concentrate as he usually would in lessons. He answered the questions automatically and took notes by instinct, absentmindedly dipping and re-dipping his quill without really taking in the information as his mind was fully occupied by the terrifying prospect of facing James. Whether it would be different from before, or the same, or both and neither.

Regulus considered not turning up to quidditch practice at all, suspecting that the easiest way to overlook with this development was to go back to avoiding James wherever possible.

In the end, however, he found himself walking onto the pitch after school, broom in hand and stomach in knots. Regulus was used to being able to handle himself, keeping his emotions lodged inside his head where they belonged, but this was different. Unfamiliar. And he had no idea how to navigate it.

So, if nothing else, Regulus was there hoping to figure out exactly what these feelings meant and how to control them.

James was waiting for him by the far hoops, hair dishevelled and glasses slightly askew; he waved, and Regulus felt that odd fluttering start to unfold behind his navel. Not an ideal start.

"Alright, Reggie?" he called, and threw the golden snitch in an overarm arc.

Regulus caught it in his free hand, tried not to notice that the metal was slightly warmed from James' touch, and tossed it back.

"Nice shot," James remarked as he reached him. "By the way, you're—"

"—Late? I'm sure," Regulus cut in, much more sharply than he meant to.

Pull yourself together, he thought impatiently.

Though James didn't appear in the least bit phased.

"Someone's grumpy," he smirked. "Go on, you choose the warm-up. That'll cheer you up."

Regulus shook his head.

"No warm-up," he said. "Let's just start."

"Straight to the best bit," James beamed. "Brilliant."

It was certainly difficult at first, to act as normal whilst seeing James in this new light. But he soon adjusted over the course of the game and found that treating the situation as a subject of research helped to ease the confusion of it all.

He carefully observed his heartrate quicken whenever his opponent flew over to talk to him or performed a particularly impressive trick, then looked for ways to calm it. Closing his eyes for a moment and taking deep breaths worked the best. He felt, with some satisfaction, the thumping of his heart slow down to a steadier, more regular pace.