i really loved him

chapter 47

Regulus POV

1970 – "What are you doing?"

It was past midnight. Regulus had heard muffled noises coming from his brother's room and come to check on him. To make sure he wasn't doing something stupid that would get him in trouble. And now he was standing in open the doorway, watching Sirius perch unsteadily on the sill of the open window with a cheeky look of guilt on his face.

"Be quiet, Reg," he whispered, loudly. "I'm going to see Andy."

"What?" Regulus demanded, coming into the room. "You get to see Andromeda?"

Sirius smiled. "Yeah! She sent me a letter with her new address on it... Don't tell Mother."

"I want to come," Regulus said.

"No." He shook his head, frowning. "You can't. You might get caught."
"So might you!"

"I've been caught loads of times," Sirius reminded him with a grin. "I'll be fine. But you have to stay here, Reg. It's safer. Okay?"

"Okay..." Regulus said. "But if Mother finds out where you have gone—"
"—She won't," Sirius interrupted. "Because my favourite little brother's not going to tell her. Are you?"

Unsure, Regulus shook his head.

"What if she knows that you're gone and uses Legilimency on me?" he asked quietly. "I don't know how to stop it."

Sirius frowned for a second, then hopped down off the windowsill, sat down on his bed and patted the duvet. Regulus sat down next to him.

"I'll teach you," he said very seriously. "I think there is a proper way to stop it—"

"—Occlumency," Regulus said.

"Yes. I don't know that. But listen. It's easy. You'll feel it when she starts going into your head. Just here." Sirius pointed at his forehead. "Like a headache. And all you have to do is focus really hard on... pushing her back out with your brain."

"I don't understand."

"Evidently," he sighed.

That was a word they had both learned from Andromeda and liked to use a lot. It meant 'obviously', so Sirius hadn't quite used it right. But Regulus didn't say anything.

"You have to think about closing a big door between her and your thoughts, I suppose," Sirius went on. "Shut her out. But if you can't keep her away, the thoughts will come into your head while she looks through them. So if you see a thought that you don't want her to read, you can try to stop thinking about it so she won't.

"I don't know if I can," he said worriedly. It sounded difficult.

"You can, Reg," Sirius assured him. "You're much better at concentrating on things than me, and I can do it, just about."

"...Does it hurt?" Regulus whispered.

"Yes," Sirius said gravely. "It hurts a lot. But don't worry, it will be fine. I know you can do it, okay?"

"Okay," Regulus said again, wishing he was as brave as his brother.

Sirius smiled at him and stood up.

"I'm going," he said, walking back towards the window.

"But you'll come back?" Regulus said quickly, fear rising in his chest.

"Evidently," he grinned. Once again, Regulus didn't say anything. "I'm not leaving you here, Reg, I told you. I'll always come back."

"Do you promise?"