i really loved him

chapter 32

Regulus POV

13:45 – His heart was still racing. It took conscious effort not to look down at the hand that had grasped James' wrist, even more not to think about how close they had been, just for a moment. Regulus had been able to glimpse the soft mesh of colour in the older boy's eyes; the forest and fawn, the hints of steel blue. As well as the mischief twinkling within them.

Don't, he told himself firmly, in an attempt to quiet his thoughts.

He was back at their desk now, not sitting down yet, with the 'Standard Book of Charms: Grade 5' clutched tight in one hand in case James went to steal it again.

He didn't. With a glance up, Regulus saw that he was quite still; possibly more still than Regulus had ever seen him, though that wasn't saying much. His face bore a curious expression – a small frown, eyes slightly widened and lips parted, just a little. Fear? Confusion, perhaps?

He didn't speak, either, and that was by far the most unnerving detail.

"James. Are you alright?" Regulus said, and noticed that the other boy started and blinked when he spoke, as if wrenched from a train of thought. "You look thoughtful." He paused, smirked slightly; "And that concerns me."

"Prick," James huffed, folding his arms with a grin.

Was that a tremor in his voice?

Regulus took a second or two to think, evaluate, now conscious that the silence between them was heavier than it normally would be. Through his mind flashed a torrent of questions he could pose, to discern exactly what that look on James' face meant, or the absence of his boisterous movement, or the sudden shake in his voice. In the end, however, Regulus didn't ask any of them.

He crossed the few steps between them and pushed the book back into James' unresisting hands.

"Fine," he said. "I'll come outside with you. But only if you test me on Charms."

The other boy's face brightened at once, twinkle returning to his eyes.

Trying not to dwell how his breath had caught on the words 'with you', Regulus went to pack the rest of his equipment away. A sleepy, itching sensation was starting to prickle around the rims of his eyes; it could be beneficial, he thought, to move away from essay-writing and note-taking for a short while.

"Great!" James said, striding forwards to help load the stack of heavy textbooks back on the surrounding shelves. "I'll quiz you and introduce you to sunlight; it's brilliant, Reggie, you'll love it."

"I know what sunlight is, James."

"Yeah, yeah," he grinned, sending several volumes soaring into place at once with a wave of his wand. "Sure you do."

* * *

13:58 – They had checked the Map before leaving and, unsurprisingly, the castle wasn't swarming with nearly as many dots and labels as usual. Most students were out in Hogsmeade, which wasn't depicted on the Map, and almost everyone else was either in the common rooms or scattered here and there in the vast library. So, it was fairly easy to avoid others on their way out.

Regulus was glad he had agreed to come. He was grateful for the cool, gentle rush of wind that swept them as soon as they stepped out, even welcoming the goosebumps swiftly coaxed from his skin. Hours of study had formed a familiar dense haze in his brain; the cold, he felt, helped to clear it away.

Not more than a few steps across the grass, James produced two glass bottles from his ever weighed-down pockets and handed one to him, not before flicking off the metal cap with an exaggerated twirl of his wand.