In Sunshine or In Shadow ✔ [Completed]

Chapter 12.1 - The First Piece

The sunlight was bright in her bedroom when Riddhima woke up, too bright. It hurt her eyes the second she opened them, igniting the pain that settled in from her massive headache. There was a bad taste in her mouth that wouldn't go away. She hadn't felt this way in years. Then again, she hadn't downed that much tequila in one night since her college days.

She rolled over with a low moan but didn't get out of bed yet. She had her back to the window so the sunlight wasn't directly in her eyes anymore. Now she was able to keep her eyes open, her head still ached but at least it was manageable. Riddhima toyed with the edge of her pillowcase as she thought back to the events that had taken place the night before.

She remembered coming back to her apartment angry and upset with herself. Attacking the suspect like that had been stupid, but she had been running on the instinct to protect herself. Riddhima had been forced to face the fact that her anxiety after her rape was affecting her judgment on the job. That was when opening the bottle of tequila had seemed like a good idea.

In college, alcohol had been a way to let off steam after a hard week of classes. She used to go to a bar the week after finals to let loose. Last night she had wanted that bubbly feeling that meant she didn't care. It hadn't really worked, the tequila had made her giddier but she'd still felt damaged and in pain.

That was when Vansh had walked in.

When she'd heard her door opening she'd panicked, her muddled state assumed it was her rapist and not the consultant that was probably the only person keeping her sane at the moment. At least she hadn't shot at him.

Then Riddhima remembered the conversation afterward where she had babbled about her problems. She'd confessed some hard truths. She really was beginning to wonder if she would ever go back to the woman she used to be, she didn't want her rape to define her.

She didn't want to be Lavinia.

That thought forced her to recall what had flirted through her mind. She'd been holding the gun in her hands and remembered how Lavinia's suffering had ended when Titus killed her. In that moment the idea of her pain finally ending had been a very tempting thought. She'd actually raised the gun before Vansh had wrestled it away from her.

Riddhima didn't think she actually would have done it.

Her father had been tormented by her mother's death for years before he made the selfish choice to take his own life. She'd never forgiven him for that. She didn't believe that she would make that same choice, especially not with Vansh in the room with her.

But she never should have even considered it.

She felt ashamed by her actions and thoughts. Vansh had been harsh but he had also been right. In the months following the attack she had sunk down into a deep pit of depression, she hadn't even tried to get her life back. Not really. Sure she'd gone back to work and pretended that everything was okay. But the truth was that she didn't believe that it would be.

Those thoughts needed to stop. If she didn't try to get back what she had lost then she definitely won't get it back.

Footsteps sounded outside of her bedroom door and Riddhima sat up in bed just as Vansh appeared. He smiled softly from the doorway when he saw that she was awake. He was wearing the same clothes he was in last night but his jacket was gone. Obviously he had decided to crash on her couch so he could watch over her. That touched Riddhima, after the way she had acted he still wanted to help her.

"Good morning," Vansh said and leaned up against the doorway. "How's the headache?"

She smiled just a little. "Splitting," she admitted, "no surprises there."